How to Survive while living with a big eater.

I am having a very hard problem with resisting candy and cakes and just general unhealthy food because of my Dad. Not that I'm blaming him. But anyway, he works outside and is very physical all day and so he burns many calories. He is so thin. But her brings in all these candy and unhealthy food. He likes buying cakes every few days and candy more often. I cannot ask him to stop because he would get mad. I used to just eat what he had, but now I can't. He also askes me if I want some everytime he brings it in. Any advice?

Tell him about what you are trying to do and about about you want to be healthier.  If he cant support you then why is he your father? Tell him the candy is a temptation.  Unless you want someone to tell you to take a magic "i hate candy" pill, you need to communicate your concern.  

this is victim thinking.  obviously it would be easier if the food wasn't there, but if it's going to be there, you need to change the way you think about it.  it's your dad's food.  you both eat exactly what you want to eat.

besides, if you stop helping him out with all that junk food, maybe he'll start buying less of it. 

My fiance eats a ton of crud, on top of that we have snacks in the house for our 2 little kids, so just saying dont bring it in just isnt an option. He doesnt offer me stuff though because he's finally understanding that I dont want it. If you cant deny the cakes and candies, then maybe suggest he gets some lower calorie treats? They make so many things in 100 calorie packs its rediculous..u can get hostess cakes, brownies, candies, chocolate...etc..in single serving form. I have not eaten sweets since Jan. 1st and ive been ok. I have some sugar free pudding or some sugar free twizzlers and am satisfied. If he sees you denying these treats than maybe he'll get the hint that you dont want them around....it wouldnt hurt to just have a serious conversation about wanting to better yourself and ask if he could just help you out. :)

Ugh...I feel you. My boyfriend doesn't keep anything bad in the house (thank goodness) but he loves to go out to eat/drink. I'm always trying to make good choices when we go, but restaurant food is such a crapshoot. YOu never know where the hidden cals are in even seemingly healthy choices.

Does your dad know you are trying to lose weight? Would he consider putting the junk food in a box and keeping it hidden from you? He probably wants to see you healthy and happy and if he knew how difficult it was to resist, he might completely understand

Also, I disagree wih pgeorgian who says this is "victims thinking." ugh. Our lives are not played out in a vaccuum and the people around us often support/hinder our progress. That's not to say you dont make your own decisions, but a strong support system can make a world of difference. I suggest just talking to your dad about it.

Original Post by erinw43:

Also, I disagree wih pgeorgian who says this is "victims thinking." ugh. Our lives are not played out in a vaccuum and the people around us often support/hinder our progress. That's not to say you dont make your own decisions, but a strong support system can make a world of difference. I suggest just talking to your dad about it.

 Well that just kind of proves pgeorgian's point- since our lives are NOT played out in a vaccuum, we need to change our habits and the way we look at food, rather than expecting everyone to accommodate you by never having junk around you.  Because that's not gonna happen (although it would be nice, wouldn't it?)

If you really think your dad will be mad at you for not eating his junk food, then definitely talk to him about why you're doing this, you want to be healthier, etc.  Sometimes people can freak out if you've changed all of a sudden without any obvious reason.  But at the end of the day, it's up to you what you put into your body.  It's your responsibility and yours only.

Yes, it is your choice, exactly what goes in your mouth...no one else. That being said, I have the same issue. My husband is a mason and he burns mega calories every day. Thin as a rail. He eats pretty crappy when I am not home to cook for him (I work nights). Loves his snacks, candy, ice cream and cookies. Always do I have a ton of crap foods in my house. He just brought home three boxes of cakes yesterday. And yes, he offers me this food all the time. Just last weekend, he made a chocolate torte that he KNEW I'd LOVE. "look what I baked, hun".

My best defense: Satisfy myself on my healthy foods. I love dark chocolate so I do allow myself one piece a day.  Do not totally deprive yourself. Look forward to that treat but keep it in check.

It's you that has to make a change. Don't depend on anyone else to make that change easier for you.

Original Post by erinw43:

Also, I disagree wih pgeorgian who says this is "victims thinking." ugh. Our lives are not played out in a vaccuum and the people around us often support/hinder our progress.

are you powerless?  do you want to be powerless?  or do you want to decide that you're in control of what goes in your mouth?  it's your choice.  but if you're trying to live healthily and the people around you aren't, then you'd better choose the latter.

I usually try to think about how I will feel if I choose to eat the healthier option instead of the bag of chips my bf is eating.  I focus on how much better I will physically feel if I eat the orange instead of the cookie.  I think about how I want to fit into that shirt that my sister bought for me.

So basically I think about the goals I want to accomplish and that really helps.

Original Post by gsgirl2913:

My fiance eats a ton of crud, on top of that we have snacks in the house for our 2 little kids, so just saying dont bring it in just isnt an option. He doesnt offer me stuff though because he's finally understanding that I dont want it. If you cant deny the cakes and candies, then maybe suggest he gets some lower calorie treats? They make so many things in 100 calorie packs its rediculous..u can get hostess cakes, brownies, candies, chocolate...etc..in single serving form. I have not eaten sweets since Jan. 1st and ive been ok. I have some sugar free pudding or some sugar free twizzlers and am satisfied. If he sees you denying these treats than maybe he'll get the hint that you dont want them around....it wouldnt hurt to just have a serious conversation about wanting to better yourself and ask if he could just help you out. :)

They Have Sugar Free Twizzlers??? Where??

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by erinw43:

Also, I disagree wih pgeorgian who says this is "victims thinking." ugh. Our lives are not played out in a vaccuum and the people around us often support/hinder our progress.

are you powerless?  do you want to be powerless?  or do you want to decide that you're in control of what goes in your mouth?  it's your choice.  but if you're trying to live healthily and the people around you aren't, then you'd better choose the latter.

Yeah I totally participate in victim thinking.  No lie.  I couldn't keep off an ounce till I moved out of my parent's house, but it was because I was  afraid to tell them that I was on diet.  You should either try to break that, be more forceful in your assertions, or else start making your own cakes and "sweets" that are more low-cal and just saying "Oh I like these homemade ones better than the store-bought really!"  Diet coke cake comes to mind.

Alternatively, when you know he's coming home with cake or something, eat a good healthy meal 20 minutes before the temptation arrives.

just ask him to keep it hidden at least-you know- just not on the middle of the counter. or put some things in front of a cake in the fridge- like fruit, so you will see it first. keep candy in a bowl in the cabinet. out of sight out of mind.

You're an adult but not working.  This may be personal but do you get some kind of allowance?  Meaning, is there a way to buy your own stuff and have it yours? 

I worked out of high school and lived at home while I went to college.  So, my money was mostly mine to spend.  I ate out a lot as my parents had rigid rules about mealtimes and they used horrific ingredients. 

I really don't subscribe to the belief that dependents should ask  their parents to change their habits.  You're living under someone else's roof.

Just eat what you should so that you're not hungry and prone to eating the bad stuff.  And then make calorie allowances for some of the goodies. 

I completely understand.  My mom does the same thing.  What I've done is started buying my fav. fruits...i know it sounds cheesy but your body really wants the frutose, and then when i eat a fruit the cakes don't seem as appealing when i think of how i'm going to feel after i eat it. because i won't eat just one piece...  i hope that helps. you can do it!  let me know how your progress goes   it is hard. don't beat yourself if you mess up one day.  just walk a little extra that day! it isn't overnight that we're going to change our eating habits. one day at a time.

Original Post by gsgirl2913: on top of that we have snacks in the house for our 2 little kids, so just saying dont bring it in just isnt an option.

This doesn't make sense to me, it sounds like you're saying your kids snacks are unhealthy?  No offense, but if you're struggling with a weight problem due to unhealthy eating wouldn't you want better for them so you WOULD stop bringing junk food around except as an occasional treat?

I had a roommate that was morbidly obese (400lbs / 6ft even) and to support his efforts if he couldn't eat it, it wasn't there.  My kids understood, but then again my kids aren't really allowed junk food anyway except as a once a week treat in the lunch boxes and of course kids parties and special occasions.  With all the weight problems my mom had and the ones I went through, there was no way I was going to instill anything less than good habits in them so it wasn't hard to clean out the house for the roommate anyway.

OP: I think explaining to your dad what you're trying to do and asking him to keep the food somewhere you don't know about it would be a great plan.  If you have a little extra money you could buy one of those little lockbox firesafes for 20-30 bucks and ask him to put the stuff you absolute CANNOT resist in there until you are ready to face it.  I don't feel that it's victim thinking at all, binge eating is a REAL problem and CAN be treated, but you may need to take it slow.  So first try and get THE MOST tempting out of sight and then work from there.