Suspicious parents..

So my story is that a year ago i gained some weight, became a little chubby.. I'm 5"7 and at that time I was 17 years old and weighed 160lbs. I started eating healthier and working out and lost 10lbs over the course of a couple months. My parents are divorced since six years ago and both of my sisters have moved out so now i live with my dad for a couple of weeks and then with my mom for some time and so on. Both of my parents have new partners, my mom's married and my dad has a girlfriend (actually they're married but he never told us about it, i accidentally found out about it :S and he doesn't know that i know it......).

Before they divorced we had a pretty 'normal' life and we ate healthily (well not like healthnuts but definitely not unhealthy). After the divorce dad started eating les healthy and its probably because he's not that good of a cook since mom always used to make the food at home.. My mother on the other hand became a complete healthnut because her new husband is a doctor, dietician and the real definition of a healthnut :D I got useful help and advice from my mom and her husband when i wanted to lose weight and eat healthier and it all worked great when i lived with them. But always when i stayed at my dads he wouldn't of course buy as healthy food as my mom did and my diet got all messed up :( He also does not really know whats healthy: his idea of healthy eating is the traditional lowfat way of thinking (i.e. that as long as it says 'low-fat' its healthy. . . ) I've come to the conclusion that low sugar, low grains, high protein, high fiber and moderate fat is the way to go (this works for me).

The problem (and reason why i'm posting this) is that lately my dad has commented on my eatings and i feel like he thinks i have an ed or something (which i don't). He buys cookies, ice cream, white bread and other sugary fatty unhealthy stuff every day. Its always around and there's no way for me to avoid it. I hate him for it because i have a problem with binging (i've sort of got it under control now though..) and the fact that he buys that **** annoys the hell out of me because i feel like he's sabotaging my diet on purpose. I say 'on purpose' because the thing is he's only at home about 2 days a week (he works in another city 3 days a week and goes to his girlfriend everyday he's "at home") so its practically just me home alone with the cookies, ice cream etc (and guess what that results in :S).

I rarely see his girlfriend, i'm fine with her i get on with her alright, but last time i saw her when we had dinner together she started asking me about my final exams and if i'm stressed or womething? then (she's a teacher) she started talking about how several girls at her school had gotten anorexia this year because they were so stressed about their finals and how sad that is. I got really uncomfortable because i know that i don't have a completely normal relatiosnhip with food - but i definitely don't have an ed and she certainly was suggesting it! (In hindsight i remember her making similar snappy comments about me (and my sisters) wanting to eat healthy, go figure..)

Does anyone else have similar experiences? it feels as if whatever i do its just not good enough? Why is it a bad thing that i want to be healthy? i feel so horrible when my dad tries to make me eat unhealthily when i've been working so hard to clean up my diet! It's like he's trying to wipe away all the effort i've put into being healthy :( And as i mentioned earlier he's not a good cook at all and i don't/can't eat what he makes because its always filled with fat, salt and cream - ugh. This makes him think i have an ed and he's so suspicious about my eatings all the time.

I'm thinking of moving with my mom permanently (until i go to uni, that is)..

ps. i'm sorry i know this is an extremely long and messy post, i just needed to vent out somewhere :

You're now around 18 right?  18 is a tough age under any circumstance and it certainly appears as if you don't have it very easy right now. And I'm sure that the pressure you feel from your parents and your teacher isn't helping. But these are people who love and care about you and they are worried.

You don't mention how much you weigh or how many calories you're eating a day - so I'm going to assume it is in the healthy range for an 18 year old active girl. But you are the only one who can answer this for yourself. If it is not, you may not have and ED but you're not doing yourself any favors. You are -- at a very young age -- starting yourself on a viscious cycle of obsession with food and your body because as you've most likely read here, eating too few calories on a regular basis will slow down your metabolism and help you gain weight when you eat normally.

Having said that, if you really don't have an ED and are simply trying to lose weight and be healthy, try explaining to your dad that you don't WANT sugar adn junk food but you DO want whole grains, fruits, lean meats (if you aren't a vegetarian), etc. Remember that eating THESE types of foods means that you need to eat a lot more food to meet your calorie goals. I just ate 2 cups of steamed cauliflower with an ounce of gooey melted cheese on top and it was less than 200 calories.

Keep in mind that people are ALWAYS going to comment. Out of concern. Out of envy. Out of control. Out of love. The best weapon you have is to get and keep yourself healthy and explain to these people that you are healthy.

Good luck.

Sorry, but since you typed in huge, dense paragraphs with no breaks, I just couldn't read through your entire post.  Actually, I only got about 3 sentences into before I quit reading.

Because of that I can't comment on your problem.  In the future you might want to break it up a bit more to get more responses.

Original Post by jenningermany:

Sorry, but since you typed in huge, dense paragraphs with no breaks, I just couldn't read through your entire post.  Actually, I only got about 3 sentences into before I quit reading.

Because of that I can't comment on your problem.  In the future you might want to break it up a bit more to get more responses.

 Ouch. Do we have an English teacher here? Though it was quite dense I suppose.

ANYWAY back to subject - I think you need to have a chat with your dad and explain to him that you're looking to make a lifestyle change, not crash diet. It doesn't sound like you've spoken to him much about it and if he sees you radically changing your diet then not talking about it, it might well come across as secretive and sly when accompanied by considerable weight loss.

Good luck! :-)

Original Post by jenningermany:

Sorry, but since you typed in huge, dense paragraphs with no breaks, I just couldn't read through your entire post.  Actually, I only got about 3 sentences into before I quit reading.

Because of that I can't comment on your problem.  In the future you might want to break it up a bit more to get more responses.

If you thought those were huge paragraphs I wonder if you have ever read a book? I don't think the problem is her writing style, so if you can't read the post then don't respond.

I'd go with moving in with your mom and visiting your Dad when he is actually home. That seems to be a lot more worthwhile than sitting in his empty home while he is gone when you could be spending more time with your mom. Plus, that might make him realize that he is distancing you with buying certian food and not being around, which in turn could enoucrage him to clean up his pantries and spend more time with you :)

sorry double post

Original Post by michekhs06:

Original Post by jenningermany:

Sorry, but since you typed in huge, dense paragraphs with no breaks, I just couldn't read through your entire post.  Actually, I only got about 3 sentences into before I quit reading.

Because of that I can't comment on your problem.  In the future you might want to break it up a bit more to get more responses.

If you thought those were huge paragraphs I wonder if you have ever read a book? I don't think the problem is her writing style, so if you can't read the post then don't respond.

Yep, I've read a few books, but even books on dry, technical topics have paragraphs.

Keepoffthelawn:  Thanks for breaking it up.  It's much easier to read, which is important if you want people to voluntarily read and comment on something.

To your question, some people just don't understand what being healthy means, and it is almost like a threat to their 'normal' ways.  You could try to talk to them about your diet and goals to get them to understand.  If that doesn't work and living with your mom seem like the best alternative, then do what you think is best.

Something else to think about is your own self-control.  You won't always have healthy food around you.  It's up to you to make the right choices on a daily basis.  That includes knowing when splurging on a little ice cream is ok.

Good luck.

You could offer to do some of the grocery shopping, or go with him if that's possible. If your father wants to eat white bread and ice cream, you'd still have to buy those things, but then at least you would have the food that you prefer around. Also, you mentioned that he doesn't cook very well. Do you? If you don't, you could ask your mother and her husband for advice in that area. Cooking healthier meals might prove that you don't have an issue with food, just different preferences.

Good luck : )

People all your life will comment on aspects of your life.  Please work on being satisfied within yourself.  That is the real magic - being truthful and real inside.  Tell them what you are doing and then if they still seem unhappy then tell them "I am sorry that you are not satisfied.  I am doing this to help myself be healthy and happy.  Who wouldn't want that for somebody else?"  (or something like that)

I dont understand the secret marriage thing.  It sounds like your dad and his "girlfriend" have something going on.  Maybe they are feeling bad about things themselves and you are feeling the brunt of that.  Misery loves company after all.  It sounds like you can choose if you want to stay with the "misery" or leave it behind. 

My vote is too leave it behind if you can.  I know it is easier said than done.

P.S.  Sneaky, but you can throw the stuff out - maybe.  Hate to waste money, but it is a devilish option.

Oh that is a tricky situation!  If you're not wanting to eat what he has there, he's thinking you're not wanting to eat period, is that it?  Oi.  Could you maybe trying making up some sort of list of the healthy foods that you'd like to be eating?  Something visual maybe with graphics so he could get a sense of the fact that yes, you want to eat, but not what he's providing?  Maybe he's buying the junk in hopes of tempting you to eat?  It might be misguided but it could actually be a sign of love, much as it's messing with your healthy eating strategy.  If you could say Dad, I do want to eat, but I want to eat THIS, would that maybe help?

Is Dad trying to "buy your love" through sweets?  I agree with the others that if you would just tell him you'd love to have some apples or oranges instead of the sugar.  He probably just doesn't know. 

I think that if it's come down to you wanting to move out rather than deal with his bad habits, he's going to pay attention.

Perhaps some education is in order? If you explain why you use calorie count, show him recommendations for calories and weight for a girl your age and height, and prove to him that you're not aiming to go outside of those healthy boundaries, he might be more prone to listening. Also if you suggest a few healthy recipes you could even try cooking together...

Is your dad force-feeding you the unhealthy foods?

You're both adults, he can buy and eat what he wants and so can you. 

I think this was just asking for some advice.  Not a lecture on paragraphs and proper english.  You didn't have to comment at all if you didn't have something related to the problem. 

I think it's a natural thing for parents, they worry about their children.  You probably would worry too.  You should just talk to your dad and tell him why your trying to lose weight.  Tell him why you feel like you need to change your eating habits now.

 Jenningermany...Why respond at all? Seriously.

I totally feel your pain! At about the age of 17 I started a job sort of waitressing (not full table service but I definately walked anywhere from 3-8 miles a night!)  I, unlike you, did develop an extremely unhealthy way of eating.  Not full blown anorexia but I major food issues.  I say this not to bring on criticism but to make a point, stay with me.  I'd always been a little heavy, but I dropped 30 pounds in 6 months.  People started rumors like crazy! Even one that I was addicted to cocaine and that's why I'd lost the weight! I was hurt and confused by the talk.  I felt like people should be supportive and proud of me and instead everyone was a critic.  Ultimately you have to decide who to listen to and who to give a piece of your mind.  If you're on here then I'm guessing you use the food log.  Show your dad and his girlfriend.  Point out the responsible way you have shaped up and ask for their support.  And while you're at it call them out on their own secrets.  They are trying to create drama where there is none so that nobody notices what's really going on and that's so not fair to you! Congratulations on your success by the way.

Ugh, yeah I have similar problems. Because of the way my weight is distributed I look thinner than I actually am. Everyone keeps giving me crap about dieting. I think its especially annoying when its from my stick-thin girlfriends. I feel like they just want to keep me around as their D.U.F.F. (Designated Ugly Fat Friend).

As for dealing with Daddo, I agree, make a shopping list for him. Or shop for your own food yourself. One of the things I do with my family is cook them dinner. They always appreciate it, and I get to control what goes into the food. If your dad isn't much of a cook he might enjoy having you cook for him, and then he definately can't pull one of those parent lines like "you never do anything around the house". I don't know if your parents say that but mind do...

 And if his girlfriend is being too snarky with you I'd just tell her to shut it (but maybe I'd say it more nicely than that). You're not her kid, so you're not her business.

i totally understand your problem, and in fact, i'm quite surprised to find out that others have this problem which i have too.

my mom always forces to eat "nutritious" stuff - full fat milk, fried fritters and white bread. i'm 17 this year, and i've told her that i dont want to eat it, and she takes my rejection seriously. like, way seriously. she said that i'm trying to hurt her when i refused to eat the chocolate fudge on her finger, while i was just trying to be more firm with food pushers.

she is overweight. i'm not, i'm at a normal height and weight (according to the health charts, not some magazine).

being a teenager, i do not wish to get fat too. i wish to go out wearing pretty dresses and skinny jeans too. so, i'm trying very hard now to eat an sufficient amount in her presence (so that she wont worry excessively and unnecessarily) and curb snacking when i'm alone.

another method, which i find that it works, is by simply throwing the food away, or taking a bite and complaining that you hate it. then at least your dad would either thought that you had eaten it or you hate the food, not because you hate eating.

hope that helps, and may all of us continue our goal towards to our ideal weight, not theirs (:

PS: and i think the long post is ok. at least i can identify with many problems there, instead of only knowing part of the story. good luck!

I'm 15, and my parents are freaking out because of my weight loss.

my dad keeps buying me oreos and **** >.>  which I throw away because I'm afraid of eating them.

He comments of my weight alllllll the time though, he used to say I was too fat, and now I'm too thin.

I have to keep opening and closing this window as I type because they keep walking past me.

I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only person who goes through that. I am an adult, have my own family and attend college full time. I am 23 years old. when I first started to try to lose weight in 2005 my dad and a friend of mine at the time asked if I was taking drugs!!! I saw what drugs did to my father and family there is no way in HELL i will take them. anyway, since I have really gotten serious about not just eating healthy but also working out and making sure my kids eat healthful foods I am ostracized when we visit my family. They are all over weight and don't care what goes into their bodies or anything and they think it is okay to tell my I am wrong for doing so and for insisting my chilren eat healthy and stay as thin and fit as possible. At one point they tried to make me feel bad for my new (slightly) healthier self by saying that I am still fat and what not. But my BMI is lower than all of theirs. You are not alone and anyone who feels intimidated by your healthier self and probably new self esteem is going to try to bring you down. You do what you need to do to stay healthy and happy with yourself and screw the rest of them! We are here to support your endeavors so good luck!