I swear my family is trying to keep me fat

Even though they all know I am trying to lose weight they are always trying to push food on me, or get me to go out to eat. Then they wonder why I get so angry at them. My husband always comes home with a "present" for me and it is usually a chocolate bar or two. He always says "I saw these and thought of you", I know he is just trying to be nice but it makes me feel like he either wants to keep me heavy, which he says he doesn't because we have talked about it before. I have also told him to bring me different "presents" or none at all. I don't know maybe they think I will change or something if I lose weight, I won't because I have been thin before and my husband and I got together when I was at my thinest, nothing changes except I am happier with myself.

Are your weight-loss goals realistic?  Are you eating well rather than simply eaing 'less' in order to lose weight?  Families rarely want someone to stay overweight but they can get scared if they think someone is trying to get too thin or if they're not eating properly.

If your weight-loss goals and daily intake are safe and healthy then the next possible reason for this reaction is 'selfishness'...  Me, me, me, me....     If, for example, you used to all go out for pizzas on Saturdays and that has stopped then they'll try to twist your arm... not because they want you to be fat, but because they miss the pizzas. 

Finally... some men can be really funny about the prospect of a slimmer wife!  Most would say it's a good thing to your face.... but there are quite a few that equate 'slimmer' with 'more attractive'...'attracting other men!!'... 'leaving me!!!!'  The kind of logic that makes Homer Simpson seem quite normal and well-adjusted.

I think they are realistic, I had a baby 7 months ago and gained about 40 lbs, this is the weight I am trying to lose. I am eating better, I have cut out junk food and pop and trying to eat 3 smaller meals a day plus 2 snacks.

I had lost 30 lbs before because I was overweight and my doctor was concerned about my cholesterol, then I found out I was pregnant and when I was about 3 months along my mother had a stroke so I spent alot of time in the hospital and rehabs with her eating not so well and alot of fast food. Before all that had happened I had changed my eating habits completely and after all that I kind of returned to my old "comfortable" way of eating, and have continued up until yesterday. One thing in my favor is that we live an hour from any fast food type places and there are only a couple resteraunts near my home so I don't have that temptation. My husband is one of those naturally skinny people, and he can eat all the junk food as well as everything else and not gain a pound. I really want to change because I want my son to see good food choices and not have to struggle with his weight like I did my whole life.

Thanks for your input, I never thought about the whole leaving me part, I guess I just thought he would know that I wouldn't do that, maybe I will have to sit down with him and have a more indepth conversation about what he thinks.

You should also talk to your husband about everyone's health.  Skinny people who can eat a lot of junk-food without gaining weight are not necessarily all that healthy, for example.  A poor diet catches up on us eventually one way or another.   Malnutrition takes many forms.    If he needs to eat a lot to maintain his weight he can eat the same as you - just in much bigger portions.  In our house, the weekend Chinese/Indian meal (which was making me very fat) got replaced with home-cooked versions of our favourites.   Still qualifies as a huge treat but it's more enjoyable for knowing it's not killing us at the same time.  

The goal to show your son good food choices is an excellent one but everyone has to buy into the vision.   Good luck

Another consideration is that families and friends often get accustomed to you behaving in a certain way, for example, reacting with pleasure to the chocolate gift.  Like, my best friend was not upset as much as confused, when I told him I could only have three drinks on a Saturday night, because we used to party hard together, and he had brought me a bottle of tequila, my former favourite thing.  He meant well, he was actually being considerate in a way, but I think perhaps he thought I might like a treat or maybe would take the night off for going out clubbing with him, despite knowing that I was focused on improving my health.  Its hard for families to get used to you not being a binge eater.  I'm lucky because my family has been very supportive, but my friends sometimes fall short, because so many of them were accustomed to having a binge buddy in me.  lol...

If your husband keeps bringing you chocolate bars, I would suspect there is problem.  If someone was continually bringing me chocolate bars, I would eventually pitch them at that person's head!  We are only human, and constantly presented with that kind of temptation by someone who should support you would be infuriating, if you'd already asked them not to do so.

A third option is, perhaps he just doesn't "get it".  He doesn't get that one chocolate bar is 300Kcal of junk with 0 nutritional value, that, in order for you to consume guilt-free, you'd have to sacrifice a large amount of nutritient rich foods!  I mean, jeez, I just ate roasted chicken, garlic sweet potato mash, and cucumber salad and that came in at 300Kcal!  To me, its all about opportunity cost.  Maybe try explaining that to him, too.

Good luck!!!!

Misery loves company!  If your family is overweight or has very poor eating habits, they probably feel a little threatened by your healthy lifestyle.  If they aren't ready to make a change, they will try to get you to resume your unhealthy lifestyle so they feel more accepted and comfortable.

My dad does the same thing to my mom all the time.  Brings home chocolate, ice cream, pies, cakes, donuts, cookies, chips, etc. and then says, "Well you don't have to eat it," or "You say you don't want it but you always eat it when I bring it home."

I'd say you have to be forgiving - it's probably not a conscious thing for them.  Find other support (like CC!) for your new habits and eventually you may inspire your family members to make changes too.

Original Post by aislign:

A third option is, perhaps he just doesn't "get it".  He doesn't get that one chocolate bar is 300Kcal of junk with 0 nutritional value, that, in order for you to consume guilt-free, you'd have to sacrifice a large amount of nutritient rich foods!  I mean, jeez, I just ate roasted chicken, garlic sweet potato mash, and cucumber salad and that came in at 300Kcal!  To me, its all about opportunity cost.  Maybe try explaining that to him, too.

Good luck!!!!

 That was my thought too.  It has taken my husband and son 4 months to settle into the new mom way of life.  But for the longest time neither could really see that "treats" were not helpful.  Even my husband would want to give me a treat for working hard. 

Stick to your guns and keep saying "no thank you".  Eventually your man will "get it" and may join the band wagon.

If you say, "Oh thank you sweetie" kiss him on the cheek, and throw them in the fridge, or drawer and don't touch them again, he might get the picture.

If he doesn't, the next week, when he hands you two more, say the same thing, Only this time, add, "I'll throw it in the drawer with the other 2 you bought me last week".

Slowly, as the number grows to 10 or so (or more), you might even ad a "Wow, there must be like, $15.00 worth of candy bars in here!" with a cheery smile at him.

Hopefully, He'll get the picture and see you are serious and stop buying...

You may also consider that he may be doing the whole thing that guys do sometimes, "Wow honey, you bought me a bowling ball for christmas in YOUR size, and I don't even bowl!".

With the family. If they pressure, say the same thing, "Okay, I'll just save it for later!" with a huge smile and hug/kiss. Get it boxed to go and either toss it or put it in the fridge at home.

You're family will probably get frustrated that you are not fulfilling their expectation of eating something in front of them at that moment. They will stop offering.

Thats sweet that he buys you "gifts" but its not in a positive way. Maybe ask him "instead of choc. bars honey, why dont you get me smelling salts for baths... etc. etc" Or ask him to buy you dark choc. Its "better" for you than white and milk choc. Also you can just split it up and have a small square for dessert.

Its a small token that he loves you. Also didnt you mention that you just had a baby and were going through a rough patch? Maybe its his way of cheering you up.

That or like the other post stated that he just doesnt get it. Sometimes people can be really thick headed. The stashing the candy bars in the drawer is a good idea but it wouldnt work for me because I will always know that they are there. And when temptation hits and im at home.... say good bye to all the chocolate.

Change is one of the hardest things to handle for a human, even if is to a person's own benefit.  I am now talking about your husband.  He is more comfortable with your being fat, he has settled in this idea.  Now you're going against his comfort zone and are changing, which may be unsettling for him, since he will now have to adapt to this idea - which takes effort. 

The road of least resistance for him is to keep you fat, that way he doesn't have to change his mind-set.  You can put it down to fear of the unknown: a thinner you = you with more self-confidence, opportunities, happiness, etc.  He is subconsciously asking himself if he will be able to handle all those changes in your life, and of course, where will he fit in?  How will these changes affect him? What's in it for him, in other words.  Mainly it boils down to a lack of self-confidence in him, otherwise he would have encouraged you and supported you.

Maybe you could expand more on the reasons why you're losing weight and how it will affect him and your relationship in positive ways.  For instance, I told my husband I will not go on an island/beach vacation untill I've lost 8kg, and he so much wants to go, so now he's drilling me like an army sargent and supporting me so much it has taken a lot of self-discipline off my shoulders.  I love it!

Just figure out what his "hot buttons" are - reasons where *he* will benefit.  Humans are quite selfish, really.