Swimsuit...

Tonight I have to go to a swim party for school, just a couple girls on my team relaxing. Well i have to wear a swim suit, im feeling really uncomfortable with my body. Ive gained some weight... which im happy about sometimes. Im trying so hard to eat today. Its really hard too because normally i go to the gym everyday. We cant go today because of the party. My ed voice is telling me to restrict and not eat but im trying to push back. ive eaten breakfast and a morning snack and am making sweet potato fries now. I dont know if i can eat more later but i need to.

How am i supposed to wear a swimsuit when i look the way I do? Have any of you ever felt this way? Sorry for whining but i just need someone to talk to abou this and im home alone.

Oh boy, looking back on all those party days makes me cringe. 

I suffered through bouts of bulimia and anorexia and once it got down to a party day where I couldnt go to the gym either, it wasn't pretty. I tried to fake confidence and happiness so when I got to the party I started to eat and eat, thinking I was back to my old normal happy self. And then I would binge and purge. Eventually people caught on so parties form then on were embarrassing. But, since I've gotten help, and only get those thought occasionally, I feel a lot more confident. 

Tricks that I had to fend off my lack of confidence, of which I still struggle with sometimes, I just put the swimsuit on, not looking in the mirror!, and only took off my coverup if I was actually going in the pool. Put a smile on your face and remember that your friends love you to death and those people should be the ones whom you feel comfortable with the most. I guarantee you that every one of those girls have hang ups about their bodies but honey, life is too short to worry about it. 

As for caloric intake, try to eat like normal or eat dinner or whatever before you go and just nibble on veggies. After all, swimming burns calories (;. 

This is a big step in recovery but I know you can do it. You've come so far and you cant stop now! Best of luck!

Oh my gosh I absolutely know what you're talking about!

I've put on a ton of weight to my stomach but my legs, arms, butt, and chest (not boobs) look like those of an eight year-old. :( So I was reeally self concious at the first few swim parties I went to. I restricted the whole day before so I wouldn't be bloated.

After many parties, I learned my friends don't care how I looked. One time I was really bloated in my bikini. I couldn't help eating because I'd just come from a weigh-in. My friend hugged me so hard and said "you look sooo much better!" 

Also don't restrict or purge before!!!!!! You want energy at the party or it will be no fun. Just eat a tiny bit that day, but make sure that it's really dense and has plenty of protein. I always liked cottage cheese because it kept me going but didn't make me look like I was pregnant. Or just have some dense toast with tons of peanut butter for lunch if you must. It's probably not the best eating habit for someone in recovery, but at least you'll get the calories you need and won't feel so self conscious at the party. I don't care what anyone else says; having a high self esteem does matter!

Good luck at the party! I hope it goes/went well for you!

dont worry about it you look very pretty.

Tankini's and wraps are the best invention ever, sexy and cover up and don't look like you are trying to.

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments  I went and I wore my suit and I just tried to fake my confidence. I felt alot better about myself after even though i felt uncomfortable.

good for you! the first one is always, hard, but soon you won't be faking your confidence.