taking control is so hard...

I'm so sick of struggling with this eating disorder.  Today I ate my calorie limit, plus extras, that I need to gain weight and refrained from exercising or engaging in ED behaviors... I even ate lunch out at Panda Express.

I hate to bother everyone with this and take up space on the message board, but I had a good day and thought maybe that typing it out would ease my stress or something.  I feel really good and proud of myself for gaining the two pounds a week that I am supposed to, yet of course, the ED is there making me feel like total crap right now.

I suppose I just got to keep pushing.  I want to get better.  To everyone else out there trying to recover, someone once told me you have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable to overcome.  One day it will be worth it, I just know it. ^_^

Well done, really well done. And thanks for posting something like this, it is a service to those out there who think overcoming an ED is impossible. People like you are there to prove otherwise.  Again, great job, keep it up.

Well you totally hit the nail on the head with that one soulmaiden....I am soo sick of struggling too...I hate going out and thinking "ohh I have to eat" or "make sure you get to maintanence" when inside I want to restrict restrict restrict as soon as those ed voices come along....you know what?? We are way more deserving then we think...I believe that in order to be more comfortable with the uncomfortable we have to start believing that we ARE beating this.....like you...I refuse to give in anymore!

first off, GOOD FOR YOU for staying on track with your recovery!! that is really inspiring to me.. I am having a ton of trouble eating to maintenance right now, but hearing that you are doing it motivates me to keep on trying.

I'm sorry you're frustrated =( but definite kudos on doing what you need to -and DESERVE to- be doing!!! =)

Taylor

 

I'm glad you had a good day, after all the crap you've been through, I'm sure you deserve it.

I hope tomorrow's even better. :)

Good for you.  Taking it one day at a time is the way to go.

Keep up the great work!

Congrats on the good day!  I like to write it out when I have a good day too..but most of the time I am the only one who thinks it's such a good thing.  Eating out is a big deal to a person in recovery.  When I eat a meal out and do not know the calorie content I feel like its one step closer.  But if I were to say that to anyone else who has not suffered from an ED..they say things like...big deal you ate at a restaurant, I do that all the time.

One good day will lead to many more...we are capable of recovering from this dreadful disorder...good luck with your recovery!

What an inspiration!  You are doing great and on track.  Quieting those voices every single day until you can just sigh them out, on your breath, never to return.

I too am celebrating every day that I'm within 300 of my maintenance.  My inclination is be under (vs. over) but I am really doing well, if I say so m'self!  Up from 104 to 130 (5'8"). It's taken some time, but it's worth it and I am feeling more and more confident that I can maintain everyday.  My voices are still here, they never take a break but I can drown them out with my positive progress.

You are supposed to be celebrating this, not harming or punishing yourself.  You have beaten death, in essence.

I like to have a treat, every once in a while - out in public to reward myself.  I actually *enjoy* this new, healthier ritual that allows me to include my husband, family and friends.  I talk about my disorder and how I've beaten it.  I am celebrating me, and my victory over eating disorders.

well done for beginning your recovery. just dont give in. i know it is very hard but in hospital when you are forced to do it and you have to maintain the weight with no choice you really do see after a while that there is life better than the b*tch that is anorexia. i am so glad you had a good day. and when you have bad days you must remember that for every bad day there is a good day somewhere. the only way to increase the good days is simply to eat. there is no other way out of it. of course you can get all the psychological help you can get and blablabla, but seriously, it is you who must solve this, it is only you who can truly make yourself better, and as it is not eating that got you ill, it is logical that eating gets you out of it. not just physically, but mentaly. the mental process of it takes a long time, so dont expect things to come straight away. but EDs are simply habits that have become extremely ingrained, and getting into the habit of eating enough at the right times again tackles the psychological side of things a lot without you realising. but ONLY if you carry on, and do it as you should each day. you cant cut corners because that only sparks anorexic thoughts. im sorry this is such a ranting reply but this is a very helpful technique, and even though it takes a long time to actually want the food, and to enjoy it etc, the point is, the more you do what she doesnt want (she being anorexia) the more she will go away. it is only logic and i no it doesnt seem that way to you but that is because it is a mentally distorting illness.

Good luck with it all, stay strong

x

Taking back your life from an eating disorder is the hardest thing you will ever do ... and it is also the most important and worthwhile. Hang in there, it will be worth it.

ah, I totally know how you feel! I'm just starting to get back on track after a couple months of "Almost" relapsing...i was eating like with a deficit of 1500...ok maybe it was relapse, but whatever...any way, I just want u to know I sympathize with how you are feeling. It's suuuuch a tough journey to get healthy again; and the REALLY hard part is making the evil ED "voices" in our heads shut up and go away; I haven't had ONE DAY where they arent always trying to con me into not eating since I've been recovering; maybe because I refuse to get a therapist right now on fact that my stepdad would have to know about my ED and he WONT understand. He's got the "OH THEY JUST NEED TO GET OVER IT" kinda thinking; especially on things like these. All he would do is just laugh at me and say I'm doing it for attention, because that's what he thinks eating disorders ARE...UGH he pisses me OFF!!! sorry I needed to vent bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

but keep going girl! I know you and ALL of us can do it! HUGS!!!!!