Talking to a friend about yours or their eating disorder...

I'm just curious to know how many eating disorder sufferers here have spoken to friends about it. [or if you are the friend of someone with an ed]
Were you the one to bring it up? or did they bring it up?
How did they respond?


Everytime I go to bring it up with one of my friends I chicken out, I think it's because I don't want them to think of me differently, I certainly don't want anyone gossiping behind my back, and it's also such an awckward topic to talk about. I'm still trying to run away from it. I wouldn't know what to say "oh yeah I forgot to mension, I've had anorexia for ages you know, I lost XXlbs, and now I've gained all the weight back and more but I still can't eat the foods I love, like creamy pasta, cookies, muffins or pastries...etc."

I've been informed my eating is disordered, but I feel like because I'm not at a low weight, I wouldn't be taken seriously. People obviously don't know, since they've made pretty tactless remarks around me.

Original Post by cjkl:

They wouldn't believe me, I'm still fat.

 not sure this is a very good reply for skippingvinegar

Anorexia involves a secrecy element, therefore not telling people because you are worried what they are going to think of you is a part of that secrecy. The cchances are that people already know. Telling people might help you to recover further becasue u can be honest with friends etc.., about how u are feeling. E/G-if ur having an crappy day because your ed is on your case, you could say it to your friend/s, and work through it rather than faking your feelings and pretending everything is fine, when in reality you feel crap. Brushing feelings under the blanket can be a big danger factor in your ed returning also, so it is quite important to release all your emotions and identify them (ed related or not), so that you dont take out repressed emotions on food. But like I said, people probabaly have an idea, your relationships and recovery might improove with honesty and openess. Talking to friends also makes u see how irrational anorexia is. When I am having lunch with a friend and I have 'a moment' with anorexia, I say to my friend exactly what I am thinking (or what ed is saying to me) and as I am saying it I hear how irrational the thought is adn my friend can give me a 'sane' perspective on it.

Good luck and Happy telling

i told my friends and they were all really supportive. to be honest they didnt treat me any different what i liked was they didnt constantly go on about food or get me to eat they just said anything they could do to help they would. i was worried at first they would see me eating and think well shes eating so how can see have an ed is this your worry? they were totally not like this . they tried to make eating and food as normal as possible i recently had a meal with an old friend i was so worried but it went well it was just like old times. my guess is they have probably sussed something anyway. if they are true friends they will do nothing but support you . think about it if your friend came to you and said she was gay or suffering from ocd or depression would you judge her ? i really think you should go for it , you dont have to tell everyone just a few close friends in confident good luck h x

Personally speaking, I've had far too many occasions where I've shared a secret with a 'friend' only for it later to be turned back on me either because we've fallen out or because I've discovered they've gossipped it about to lots of other people.  That even includes partners.   Unburdening can be good for the soul but it can also be incredibly self-indulgent.

So be very careful who you tell and what you tell.  If your problem is controlled now but you still have a few minor hang-ups, keep it to yourself.  If you have a bad day, admit to having a bad day.  If you need specific help with something, ask for the help specifically.  And if you need medical attention, see a doctor.

Well after a week of throwing away my food i talked to a teacher at school cause i was scared and she sent me to the counsellor. I was totally freaked and told my BFF, she has stood by me and supported me, as have my teacher and counsellor, for like 6 months since thhey found out. However, I haven't told any other friends, I am too scared and don't want them to judge me, or stop being my friend. I took a major chance with my BFF but I couldn'd do it again. I want to tell them, but I just can't. Though, I have had many people, friends and classmates and even friends parents, tell me I have lost a lot of weight, and ask me if I was ok/had an ED/how I did it. My hairdresser, who I see like once every 3 or 4 months made a comment and went on to question me until I uncomforatbley/awkwardly changed the subject. I think tell your one bff if you can, they will support you, and its good to vent. Good luck (:

I've talked to plenty of people over the years.

The first person I told was my best friend. When I had anorexia and was travelling, it was often necessary to let people know when I needed help or needed to visit a doctor. Then when I was back home and went into inpatient treatment, I told a few close friends because they would obviously wonder why I had suddenly disappeared and I felt, having been a sub-par friend to them over the previous months, that they deserved the truth.

Then I moved to university, made new friends and also ended up disclosing to two people there that I was in recovery... Moved cities again and began working, made new friends, ended up telling a couple of people there that I had previously struggled with eating disorders. The last person I told was my boyfriend, but that was a few years ago now.

I mainly kept on telling people because I kept moving cities/countries and making new groups of friends, and so the subject would come up in different contexts with new people. If I had kept the same group of friends over the years, I probably would have only told a couple of people, but that's not how it worked out.

Telling people is hard and you never know the reaction you will receive, and whether it will be positive or negative. But most of the responses I have received were positive, probably due to the fact that I was in recovery and people could see that I was making an effort.

If you choose to tell someone, think carefully and only choose someone you trust. Understand that you are burdening them and they are likely to tell someone else - this is fair enough, so long as it's someone who doesn't know you. Only tell people if you are confident you won't become dependent on them for help and support - they can be an ear for you every now and then, but it's heartbreakingly hard work to support someone with an eating disorder and if you are struggling you might be better to talk to family, your doctor or a therapist at this stage.

I actually just told my best friend about my eating disorder as it's been getting worse the last couple months and I can't get better on my own anymore. She's been so supportive and helpful I don't know why I didn't do it sooner!

It's also great for me because accountability is really helpful when you're in the moment of wanting to go back to your hold habits. Knowing that you have to tell someone else and wanting to be better because they support you and you don't want to let either of you down helps me a lot.

Even just saying it out loud makes it that more real and tangible. It's now this thing you can talk about instead of a phantom problem. Denial is great for some things, but when I'm trying to get through and issue acknowledging it as a real problem helps me.

Original Post by gi-jane:

Personally speaking, I've had far too many occasions where I've shared a secret with a 'friend' only for it later to be turned back on me either because we've fallen out or because I've discovered they've gossipped it about to lots of other people.  That even includes partners.   Unburdening can be good for the soul but it can also be incredibly self-indulgent.

So be very careful who you tell and what you tell.  If your problem is controlled now but you still have a few minor hang-ups, keep it to yourself.  If you have a bad day, admit to having a bad day.  If you need specific help with something, ask for the help specifically.  And if you need medical attention, see a doctor.

 I TOTALLY AGREE!  I shared with a "friend" I was in the process of a divorce and the next thing I know EVERYONE in my office knows and I even over heard someone saying that person told them so I will NEVER ever do that again!

I was chatting with my best friend recently, from Uni, this is a friend I never lived with, and eventually she said to me, 'You're looking a bit thin again, hon', and suddenly it ALL came out.  And it felt so so good.  Like opening the floodgates.  

And she listened, and then put her hand on mine, and said: 'we knew, you know.  We were so worried.  Robs and James [I lived with my rugby boys] used to have sleppless nights about you.  We just want you to be better, but we knew it was something for you to decide about yourself'.

SO they all knew all along!  And it felt so good, just to know someone cared.  I thought no one did.

If you have a friend you can trust, I'd say tell them.  And chances are they'll have known all along!

good luck!

I hope you have someone around you that will support you and love you trhough it, cause that will make such a difference. And that you find wonderful friends on here as well.

With severe anorexia, most people can see the disorder (due to extremely low weight) - which makes it readable even if you don’t tell anyone. When I was a very low weight people would stare and whisper to one another, my friends of course new and didn’t do this. I think rather than telling your friends you have the disorder, the hardest thing is to explain the dysfunctional behaviours/thoughts, depression and ritualistic anxiety that goes along with it.

I told my boyfriend about my ed a few months ago, and it was one of the best decisions I could have made, he has been extremely supportive and is one of the main reasons I finally decided to get professional help. If i hadn't told him I am sure I would still be in the same old place, struggling miserably on my own.

Also, a couple of my closest friends talked to me about it, they had known for a long time but apparently had just had no idea what to do...its very hard for people to come to you first, but if you reach out to them, then you will find that your true friends will be there for you. Telling people helps immensely, in my opinion. 

Just be careful who you tell, and perhaps not too too many people, because it might come back and bite you in the ass. 

I told my best friend just yesterday, and another a few weeks ago (although I'm not sure how legit the first one was...we were each incredibly drunk, and has mentioned not being able to remember events from that night...).

Honestly, one of the best decisions I could have made.  She told me everyone had been worried about me, and since she went through something really similar years ago, she knows where i'm coming from.  This site's good for having people to talk to, but sometimes it's nice having a real person there to hug you when you're having a bad day.

Initially, I never told anyone. But I guess it was really obvious that something was wrong, because people did occasionally come up to me and ask me if I had an ED. Unfortunately one of those people was a girl that I reeeealllly like! :((( About a week ago though, I did tell my 3 closest friends who I've known for years and would NEVER blow something like that around. And they are completely supportive of me. :)

i have recovered from anorexia, which i suffered from this past fall/ winter, up until january when i got help. i never told anyone when i was in recovery, but i knew people knew about the ED bc of how skinny and depressed i was right before christmas break and how many days of school i had skipped. in like april, i realized i had lost one of my closest friends bc i was isolated during my ED, so in order to get her back, i told her. she was sooo supportive and cried when i told her. her and i arent friends now, but we are friendly. she has not told anyone bc she is a very trusting person. like 2 weeks ago, i felt something bottled up in me so i told my BFF and she didnt have much to say. she said its in the past and we dont have to talk about it, which made me happy too lol.

just tell people you know you can trust. =)

best of luck! if u ever need help, message me =)

Thankyou so much everyone for all the feedback and advice

Drivenlass:  yeah, I’m pretty sure most of my friends have noticed [even though I’m ~semi-recovered now], but I just hate all the secrecy and the lying. I want to be a bit more open about it, rather than just hiding my true emotions

Helen: yeah, I am a bit worried that if I tell them they’ll think that it means I’m not supposed to be eating anything, but I hope that like your friends, they try to make eating seem as normal as possible.

gi-jane & dave98z3: that’s really terrible that these so-called friends would do that. Friend or not, to talk about sensitive issues like eating disorders behind someone’s back is just horrible. But I guess if I do decide to tell someone, I’m going to have to take that risk :s    

Most replies here have seemed to be about more positive experiences, although the ones with bad outcomes have helped me to  be careful about who I tell. Even though talking and venting on the forums here is great, having someone to talk to in real life would help a lot. I don’t know if my friends actually know that I have an eating disorder, but they have obviously sensed that something isn’t quite right. I’ve had one or two friends [in a concerned sort of way] ask if I was okay and say that maybe I should eat something. And apart from the obvious symptoms like losing weight, passing out etc. they’ve probably noticed my odd behavior. Although no one has really ‘confronted’ me yet, and I haven’t been very honest about it, yet…[I’ll stop rambling now]

but thank you again to everyone :D