The teacher was inappropriate

Tuesday evening my SO asked me for my opinion if he was over reacting. He told me that one of his son's teachers had given the boy his home phone number. He found out when he heard his son talking to this teacher on his sister's cell phone.

The teacher is a 40 year old male, unmarried and is a substitute teacher in our school system. He gave the boy a present at the last day of summer rec (which is run by the school system and the teacher is an advisor) saying it was because his b-day was coming up. Then boy asked teacher for his email address. Teacher gave boy his personal home email address without asking either the mom or my SO if that was OK. Then teacher voluntarily gave boy his home phone number in an email because he didn't have internet service at his house for some reason.

I was actually more upset about the situation than my SO. I encouraged by SO to go to the school board. My SO doesn't want to get the teacher into trouble. I'm not trying to get the teacher in trouble or accuse the teacher of doing anything. We don't believe that anything has happened beyond the few emails and the phone call. But at the very least the teacher should not be exchanging personal information and spending time talking with a 9 year old.

This teacher has never tried to get to know either parent.

What do you all think?

Edited for more clarity.

I think that this is creepy. You said he was a substitue right? He has no reason to be contacting the child. The present itself was inappropiate. Unless he got the whole class something.

I would def. report it. 

Creepy, and I would cause a right good stink over it.

VERY inappropriate!   Report it! 

I think this is very odd behavior from the teacher.

I love my stepson. He's a bright friendly loving child. This really got my Momma Bear Protective Radar up and running.

We met with someone who is familar with the school board last night and after we discussed it in full, he's going to help set up a meeting with SO and someone from the school board.

Too creepy for me.

well on the one hand i want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, and i'm thinking of programs like big brothers/big sisters where older people befriend young children and it's lovely...but of course there is always the posibility of something sinister.

if he is singling this boy out for special treatment, phone calls, and e-mails, then yeah it's a inappropriate.

i don't know about going to the school board right away. if the guy's intentions really are innocent it could get really ugly. he might give his number/e-mail to all the kids with the intention of being there for them as a teacher only.

 has your SO considered confronting the guy? just saying that he doesn't usually allow his son to make phone calls without his knowledge and ask if the teacher usually gives out his number. check out the guy's reaction and go from there. if he gets defensive, red flag. or there might be a good reason?

mooni! what?! thats not right! id be on the phone immediately calling the school to discuss for starters.

there was a coach at my girls gym acting all chummy with her when she hit about 17, he was 40-something - my age...

i FREAKED! he didnt last long. hes been pretty much blacklisted since he started dating another one of the teen athletes.

The present was the first clue. Inappropriate.

I can think of one circumstance in which it might be understandable - if the teacher believes the kid is being abused at home, and wants him to be able to reach out if he needs help, I can see giving contact info to a particular kid.

Assuming mooni and SO are not abusing the boy, and assuming that the boy doesn't have emotional or behavioral issues that would suggest abuse, it seems very inappropriate.

In the case of kids, it's always better to err on the side of caution.     Kids will trust a teacher because they've been told to by everyone.  This man should be aware how inappropriate this would appear to everyone, and if he doesn't, he's clueless and should be told so by his superiors. 

Creepy, inappropriate, and alarming.  Go to the Board.

if a teacher suspects child abuse they contact authorities, they do not give little prezzies and a home phone number.

The present wasn't all that out of line. The last field trip for summer rec was to Chuckie Cheeses and apparently the teacher won a big ball, but he gave it to my step son "because my b-day is coming up". However, M's b-day is a month away. Which means the teacher had been talking to M enough to know when his b-day was. I didn't like that. If the M's  b-day was only a couple of days away then we'd have known that M had been talking about his b-day a lot and it would make sense for the teacher to know that.

Also, the teacher doesn't just give out his personal home email to all the students. He only gave it to M.

M called the teacher. The phone call was 20 minutes. Why would a 40 year old man want to talk to a 9 year old that he isn't related to for that long?

Depends on the present.  If, say it was history, and the sub just happened to have a book lying around gathering dust and the kid had expressed interest then I can see the present although I think it's appropriate to send gifts through the parents rather than directly to the kid.

if you dont want to get the teacher in trouble, (without sounding like a tough guy) i would pay the teacher a visit...tell him this has to stop and if it doesnt there will be far more severe consiquences than him losing his job......this is creepy and way not right, this is how really bad situations start....i say to hell with not wanting to get him in trouble, i would make it known he is talking to 9 year old boys on the phone before the time comes that you wish you would have........

The teacher, regardless of his intent, is acting inappropriately. He's either a predator or a dummass, either way the situation needs to be corrected.

Original Post by skillz794:

if you dont want to get the teacher in trouble, (without sounding like a tough guy) i would pay the teacher a visit...tell him this has to stop and if it doesnt there will be far more severe consiquences than him losing his job......this is creepy and way not right, this is how really bad situations start....i say to hell with not wanting to get him in trouble, i would make it known he is talking to 9 year old boys on the phone before the time comes that you wish you would have........

This is what I expressed very clearly to my SO. How would he feel if he heard this teacher did something to a child 5 years from now. I'm pretty sure my SO is going to follow through today and go to the board. I'm glad so many of you see the situation the same as I do.

Original Post by smwhipple:

Depends on the present.  If, say it was history, and the sub just happened to have a book lying around gathering dust and the kid had expressed interest then I can see the present although I think it's appropriate to send gifts through the parents rather than directly to the kid.

That'd be OK if this was school time and it was school related. If a teacher did give this type of present to a child he should send a note home to the parents telling them why.

I gotta do some work, I'll check back in a few hours.

I direct 10+ after-school programs, a summer camp, and a daycare.  If any of my staff bought gifts for an individual child, or gave a child their phone number, I would immediately terminate them.  It's part of our child abuse & neglect policies. 

This teacher is crossing a line.

Original Post by wasalisa:

I direct 10+ after-school programs, a summer camp, and a daycare.  If any of my staff bought gifts for an individual child, or gave a child their phone number, I would immediately terminate them.  It's part of our child abuse & neglect policies. 

This teacher is crossing a line.

 

yes