Teachers I need help

Ok my son is now in the eight grade. he is very intelligent but refuses to apply himself. I told him when school started there would be no lego robotics or basketball if he didn't get his home work turned in on time and make an effort to get good grades (I am not asking for A's even though he is quite capable).
Well I got my first phone call of the year. A frustrated teacher. My son is disrupting in class and when he had lunchtime detention did not take it seriously. Don't get me wrong my son is a good kid for the most part. He had a summer job and was there every day and received bonus's several times.

I am getting frustrated. I love him very much but the turmoil the school issues cause here at home is unreal. I could use some advice. How can I get him to reconize his potential. I need him to understand that school is important. He does his homework and doesn't turn it in. Sometimes he doesn't even do it. He gets A's on his test but he never studies.Help!!!!

You're carrying thru with your threats of punishment and he doesn't care?

That about sums it up. He has wanted a WII since they came out. We have said no not until we see improvement in his attitde. He hasn't been alowed to play any of his video games since last year around Christmas time. He just says oh well

I realize that he should want to do well in school for its own sake, but does he have any incentives (besides regaining game priveledges) to do well in his school work?

Boys are different from girls with schoolwork... and really everyone is an individual, and you know your son best so....

I took this approach with my daughter when she got to middle school (tough years btw - hate middle school) :

• I told her that she will leave home when she graduates from high school.  She will either go to college, which I'll help her pay for, or she'll move out and get a job.  No free rides from mom.
• I asked her to consider if any careers appealed to her and explained that without education, she may be stuck working at McDonalds or Walmart. (I chose two places that I knew she hates)
• I told her I would be glad to arrange for her to shadow someone who is currently doing the job she's interested in.
• I made her this offer on her report cards - If she gets all As, she gets $50.  If she makes even one B or lower, then she gets $5 per A.  So that's an opportunity she has 4 times a year.
• I let her know that if she made less than a B in any subject, she would be more limited in social activities (no weekday socializing).

I did have some struggles with her behavior when she was in the 8th grade, but she kept her grades up at least...

The best you can hope for is to just make it through the 8th grade.

Only threaten him with military school if you can carry thru with the threat... LOL!

I'm not a teacher yet, but I'm a junior in a teacher education program...so maybe I can help a little

Is it possible that the work in class isn't challenging enough for him?  I mean if he's an intelligent kid and he gets A's on tests w/out doing homework...where's the incentive to do his homework?

When I was in elementary school I would get letters sent home constantly about how disruptive I was, always getting out of my desk, talking in class...all that jazz...really I was just going around helping my friends with their homework because I had already finished mine (that's not a problem anymore...I think I peaked in elementary school haha)

Anyway, could that be the case?

Thanks nomore. I have considered paying him for his grades but I never paid my other three that are older so I am not sure it is fair to start now.

Kaym22-Thanks for the input. He has made the comment that he doesn't think he should have to do the homework because he knows it. I have tried to explain to him that the homework is important because it helps you learn that there is a process to things. A start and a finish and that it isn't just about doing homework to learn the subject.

He hasn't been challanged since he started school. He missed the kindergarten cut off by 4 days and I didn't push to try to get him in early My oldest was held back in the third grade because he was one of the youngest in his class and they thought he would do better if he was one of the older so I went with the same attitude when it came time for my youngest to start. Now I think it has back fired.

I have asked him if he wants me to try to get him into higher classes but he has gooten so lazy with school work I don't think that will work.
We have talked about careers and he says he doesn't want to go to college he wants to do building careers at school. I don't have a problem with that but I can't seem to get into his head that he still has to do the other work.


I have talked to him about how it is when you move out and have to pay bills. Unfortunately he had a job this summer and he thought his pay checks were big. Just over 100 dollars. I have talked and talked and talked until I am sick of hearing myself.

I would help him explore his interest in building careers. Here is an online test of sorts to help him assess his interests. http://www.careerpath.com/CareerAssessmentQui z/Career-Assessment-Test.aspx

If his interests are in line with what he says, help him look for part time/weekend work in that field (clean up laborer on a job site or something). Atleast he will be doing something he is interested in and after some hands on he will know where he has to apply himself in school.

I think its also a good idea to have him tested to see if he does need to be moved up a grade. Often behavior issues appear when either a child isnt stimulated enough, or they are over stimulated. It sound like he isnt being challenged. If he was he might actually look forward to doing his homework. Especially that which points him into the direction of his intersts.

Also, if he is interested in the building trades then I would have him do some research on building architects. They make the big bucks.

I think the important thing here is to listen to what he's telling you and take his lead. He's bored and he isnt finding it necessary to apply himself cuz he doesnt have to.

m3 Thank you. I have talked to him about what he would need to know and what kind of opportunities in the building trades there are. But I have also tried to make him understand that if there were to be a waiting list to get into a certain program they would take kids who have worked hard and applied themselves first.


I want to thank everyone for the great input. I at least feel like I am on the right track in the way I have tried to handle him. Its hard to love someone so much and be so frustrated too. he is a great kid but yes he is bored with school

I think you will see a big difference in high school.  My daughter struggled in middle school too, but since she has been in high school, she has been better.

Have you had him tested?

Beat him.

Tell him the more education he has, the more money he will make.  If he thinks $100 is a lot, show him how much he can make with a university degree.

When I was in 8th grade, which was only 3 years ago, I failed most of my classes.

However, I've been getting straight A's since I started high school.

I want to get good grades because my dad gets so disapointed in me when I don't.

If I do poorly, he doesn't threaten to take anything away or yell at me. He doesn't even get mad. He just tells me that I'm smarter than c's and d's.

I don't think parents should get mad at their children for bad grades. If you yell at your child, they'll just hate you and won't care if you're disapointed about their grades.

If my dad took something away from me for getting bad grades, I'd probably get bad grades on purpose just to get revenge.

So... don't get angry or take anything away. He might just end up hating you. And if he hates you, he won't care if you want him to do well in school.

Lol. Kay, I'm done rambling.

Btw, why would anyone take lunch detention seriously?
Teachers give lunch detentions to everyone, and it's for the stupidest things.

mosh Thank you for the insight of someone your age. I don't expect my kids to get perfect grades but I do expect them to try to do the best they can.

The last thing I want is for my son to hate me. I love him dearly.

Your point about the lunch detentions was right on the mark. Both of my kids said almost the same exact thing.

As if turned out when my daughter got home and I mentioned to her that my son was in trouble at school she told me what she had heard from another student.

When my son came home he told me the exact same story and they had not talked to each other about it..

It seems to me that the teacher was out of line and now I have to figure out how to handle this. My son is no angel but he is not bad by any means. I know the teachers get frustrated with him because they know how smart he is but that is no reason to reprimand him for something that was out of his control. When he tried to tell the teacher what had happened the teacher just said I don't want to hear it and gave him lunch detention.

Hi Bethevan,

My cousin was in eigth grade and did the exact same thing.  He fell the 8th grade.  My aunt was beside herself.  Then he went on to finish highschool and earn a scholarship.  He later told my aunt, "I took the year off".   She jokingly says, "I wish he would have told me that was what he was doing at the time". 

My nephew was the same way and my sister finally threw up her hands and put him in charge of his situation.  She told him, it is now in your hands - see if you can manage yourself any better than I.  He did a complete turnaround.  I think the "challenge" was to show his Mom that he could play videos and still make good grades.  He is now in college. 

Have him make suggestions on how he could improve.  Have him come up with the plan and let him execute that plan.

v-thank you. That is an interesting plan. It is hard as a parent to let go and possibly see them fail but I guess better let them fail now and learn from their mistakes then later when the consequences could be worse. Thanks again-everyone

it sounds like he isn't being challenged.  are there options for more challenging high schools for next year?  i would consider looking into a school that might be a better fit for your son.

bethevan, if your son is very intelligent, I can well understand why he doesn't apply himself -- he doesn't have to! He may very well already know what is being covered in class. Homework that goes over what he already knows is simply busywork for a kid who doesn't need the reinforcement.

Please have your son tested for giftedness, if you haven't already. Your local school system should be able to do this.

I'm sure he's taken some kind of standardized tests, yes? Please look at the score reports to see what his percentile rating is, and whether the test is nationally normed. If it is and he scored in the 95th or highter percentile, he is eligible to participate in the Talent Search that the Center for Talented Youth (Johns Hopkins University) runs each year. He can take the SATs -- yes, as an 8th grader, and yes, the same SATs that high school seniors take -- and depending on his scores, may be able to participate in programs for gifted kids. (www.cty.jhu.edu for more information.)

Gifted boys frequently act out when they are bored in school. (Gifted girls frequently withdraw.) As others have said, it may be that he is simply bored in school, and who likes to be bored 6+ hours of every day?!

When I get home tonight, I'll post some links for you about gifted ed.

Your son might also have some type of disability that he has been able to hide up until now, so you might want to have him evaluated for learning disabilities, too, but I'm betting he's just bored, bored, bored.

BRIBERY! provide him with a giant incentive to do good. I mean GIANT (if you can afford it) a cruise, a WII and 2 games, a laptop, something of the sort. I'm not a mother and only an art teacher in training, but that has always worked for me!

good luck

athena I have to agree with you that he is bored. I have tried since 2nd grade to get the teachers to challange him. I have found that most of the teachers do not want to take the extra time When he was in the 5th grade I had to insist that the teacher give him a seperate spelling list. He has been reading at the high school level since the third grade and his vocabulary is higher then some of his teachers.
My biggest problem right now is dealing with some of his teachers. It looks like this year he is starting to show some behavioral problems and they call me and expect me to fix it. Their way of fixing it is to put him in detention. To me that is just out of sight out of mind. I know teachers are overworked and have alot to contend with.I have two brothers that are school teachers. But I feel that the teachers need to work on trying to reach some of the kids that maybe see things from a little different perspective. It seems like  these teachers only know how to do things and react in one manner when in reality they are dealing with a wide range of personalities. I don't know what to do anymore

He's a good kid he really is but he is a bit of a rebel. he questions things all of the time and I don't  really think that is all bad.

About his test score. yes he scores extrememly high on  NWEA and Istep. The just did NWEA reading tests the other day and he got a 240. he said that the next highest that he knew of was a 234. He seems to think that these test scores are going to get him wherever he wants to go. I try to tell him that there is more to life then test scores.

I don't know I guess I am just rambleing to anyone who will listen. i have gotten lots of interesting advice from alot of people but to tell you all the truth I really don't want to resort to bribery. There his grades

i'm not a fan of bribery, but i am a fan of finding the right school for each kid, and would look into more options for high school.  it might be more frustrating than anything else right now, but i would be proud of him.  he's a smart, independent thinker and that can take him far if he focuses it.

bethevan, a quick look at the NWEA and ISTEP websites doesn't tell me whether these tests are nationally normed, but the score reports you received should. Please look at them to find out.

I'm assuming (because of the ISTEP) that you're in Indiana. Indiana's DOE has a website for talented and gifted education; it's here: http://www.doe.state.in.us/exceptional/gt/

Unfortunately, that site doesn't make it terribly easy to find information that parents can use, so you may need to dig through it a bit to find out what services are available in your state. You should also look at your school district's web site to see what talented and gifted services are available there.

And here's another site that looks useful: http://www.geri.soe.purdue.edu/resources/defa ult.html

YOU know your son is bright, but you have to have something to show the school folks to prove that, and that usually means a score on a test, but what test (and score) that might be, I don't know, but I'd bet you can find out, and if you already have that score handy, yay! for that!

I don't know about your area, but each of the counties in my area has an advocacy group for TAG education.

Soo.... my recommendations are:

• Find out what talented and gifted resources are available in your local school system/in your state
• Find out which tests and what scores on those tests enable a kid to access TAG resources
• If your son hasn't take those tests, have him take them
• Determine which services are appropriate for your son, based on his scores and his interests
• Find your local TAG advocacy group, join it, and ask for advice
• Make an appointment to meet with the TAG coordinator for your son's school/school district, and ask that the services you've identified be provided
• If you can swing it, have your son take the SATs this winter. NOTHING wakes up the high school educators like high scores on the SAT by an eighth grader!
• Research the high school offerings in your area. There are likely programs available for TAG students at particular schools; find out about them and what their admission policies are.

On that last point, your son's grades this year may determine whether he gets into a particular program for high school. My son, who is in 9th grade, is in a competitive science and technology program that is offered in the public school system, but not at what would ordinarily be his home high school. He had to apply for the program, and admittance is strictly merit-based: grades in 8th grade, and performance on a test. These factors have a score assigned to them, and the 250 kids with the highest scores get in.

So my son's grades last year were important, and yes, they were his grades, but his dad and I kept in touch with all his teachers, followed his progress reports, and when his grades slipped, we took action.

One of the things I've done is institute a one-hour study hall every evening my son is with me. (My ex and I share custody.) I want my son to get into the habit of studying -- he's never had to before -- and doing schoolwork, so even if he doesn't have homework, he does SOMEthing: read a book for his English class, go over math problems, look at his Latin. If there really isn't any schoolwork for him to do, I give him worksheets (usually geography, because so little geography is taught in schools here) or have him research something.

TAG kids drop out of college at about the same rate as other kids; many have never had to really work at school until they get to college, and they may not have developed the skills to succeed. As parents of these bright kids, we have to show them the way; they don't need these skills in elementary or middle school, and possibly not even in high school, so never learn them. We as their parents need to anticipate that, and teach them while we still have them to teach.

Enrichment in the regular classroom is not as good as a TAG class. One TAG class is not as good as a whole TAG program. One of the greatest benefits of my son's participation in Center for Talented Youth summer programs is learning that not only are there other bright kids in the world, some of them got even higher scores on the SAT than he did! He's not always going to be the smartest cookie in the cookie jar, and that's a valuable thing for him to learn. Better now than when he gets to college!