When you tear yourself apart...

I know that some of you on here have struggled with this, and still are. So here are a few things I have learned.

1. 1.)    Every terrible word you think or say about yourself has the power to tear down your esteem and make you weaker. Calling yourself fatso only makes you feel, and thus, you act more like a fatso. Even if you don’t feel powerful, there is still power in a powerful word. Call yourself beautiful until you start to feel like it. And you will want to love yourself even more.
2. 2.)    When you are in the box of self hatred that is all you see. You can start to feel insignificant to others, God and family/friends. Compliments do not have the ability to sink in, becuase the ground of your heart and mind is not healthy enough to recieve them. You have to come to the realization that it is your thoughts alone that create this and take authority over it. You may come to realize that people love you more than you realize. You can’t receive love from people correctly if you don’t believe you deserve it. Or that God loves you even when you don’t deserve it.
3. 3.)    Life is too beautiful to waste one day feeling bad! You actually have to decide to enjoy it. I did. And there were still bad days, but they were better!
4. 4.)    Happiness and joy are different: Happiness is often event -dependent. You can have joy despite your circumstances. Even if you haven’t met your goals yet. Look for reasons to be happy on dark days and you will have joy!

I am glad that I chose now to embark on this journey. If I had done it as a self-hating teen it would have been impossible, because my own thoughts would have hindered my progress.

(edited to remove some extra content)

Great post!  I had to come to these conclusions myself a while back.  I was so full of self doubt and almost self hatred.  I had learn how to become my best friend.  I had never been that for me before.  

But I realized that no matter what ever happens in this world there is only ONE person who is there all the time.  Only ONE person who knows ME as i really am. 

I started to imagine that if I were really and truly alone in the world who would be there for me?  When I realized that NO ONE would be there for me I accepted that I have to be there for myself.  No matter who loves me - I have to be there for myself above all others.  I have to love myself like no one else can. 

:) This is good advice right when I needed it.

I know i have to be there for myself. I can't. I am not there. I can't forgive myself.

It makes it a lot easier to forgive ourselves when we realize that there is nothing that we can do that makes God love us any less. I have even tried :)

I can't teach you that. I can't tell you that and expect you to believe me.

But I pray that one day you do, becuase we really aren't supposed to be down here in a prison of self hatred.

I didn't forgive myself becuase, as a young child I was sexually abused and felt extreme guilt over what I thought was my 'participation.'

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and erase those feelings so that I could erase some of the pain and discomfort of my youth....but then I would also be erasing the many people I have been able to help and understand as a result.

No matter what you did (I have probably done the same thing, I'm far from perfect), I hope you realize one day that there is someone who loves you better than you love yourself. I don't care who you did, what you did or when you did it, everybody deserves more chances. It is human to fail. We ALL have issues. (Some of us are just better at hiding them). It is a tradgedy to never move past our failures.

And when you recieve that into your heart, you will see that you are worthy of your own love. I want u to live a full, happy and satisfied life. No, I don't know you. I don't know your struggles, but I know that there is more for you...

Please message me if you need anything. I'm here for you.

Thank you for this post Taryn. I know it is helping somebody...

I had to forgive myself for allowing my self esteem to be chipped away by others. I didn't know my value. I made some horrible choices and put up with a lot of crap because of that. My pastor in MD said that "you teach people how to love you by how they see you treat yourself and how you allow them to treat you". That statement really helped me grow up.

Now I am not ashamed of who I am. The world can take me as I am or have nothing at all because I won't change my life my life's just fine (thank God for Mary J. Blige - her music is always on point)

Original Post by change_in_sc:

My pastor in MD said that "you teach people how to love you by how they see you treat yourself and how you allow them to treat you". That statement really helped me grow up.

cellotlhicks, thanks for such a wonderfully positive post. I think no matter where we are with how well we treat ourselves and treasure ourselves, we all need to be reminded of this occasionally. We truly are our own most precious resource andt he only way to truly love others and to be truly loved is to start by loving ourselves (regardless of the things we've done in the past or how we feel about them). It takes longer for some than others, but the important thing is that we realize we are worth it and that we move in that direction.

change_in_sc ... thanks for that quote, it's quite powerful. I think I must steal it and put it somewhere that I'll see it all the time.

Here's hoping everyone has a fantastic day!

You most certainly can "steal" it.  Have a great day as well!