tell us about your "best friend"

i don't really rank my friends that way (haven't since i was about nine) but my closest friend i've known for over 17 years.  in some ways we're exactly alike; in others we couldn't be more different.  when we get together we don't do much: we walk, talk, eat, and drink.  we don't share any hobbies or interests (other than books.  oh - and gambling at the racetrack, but we do that very differently), so unless we're going out of our way to accommodate each other (which we do often), we keep it simple.

i have two friends that i've known since i was an infant/toddler.  we don't see each other often, but when we do, we're like sisters.  we're completely honest, and it always feels like we've never been apart.

i have a couple of dozen friends who would step up any time i asked, for any reason.

and i have new friendships that i'm fostering through food, wine, conversation, and time.  one of my favourite things in the world is to have my friends over and to nourish them with food.

the internet is a tool for keeping in touch (and sometimes for getting back in touch), but it hasn't been significant in the formation of any of these relationships (and aasil, if you're out there, you know i'll nourish you with food the first chance i get, because you're an exception).

so - share!

Original Post by silentdeadlyrose:

Well I know friends can cause a lot of drama, pretty much the reason why I don't look for new ones. I've had friends that were really close at one time and now act like I don't exist and as much as I try to reach out to them there's only so much you can do before you stop trying to pull a dead horse. I've been heartbroken many times by this and in that I only have a few people I would consider best. My trust is very low in people and if you even have an ounce of it you should consider yourself lucky because it's very rare with me.

i've had my share of these, too, rose.  i think it's a function of youth; when you're in school, you tend to become friends with the people who sit next to you, who are on the same teams, who live in your neighbourhood, etc.  as you get older, hopefully you'll have more friends by choice and less by convenience.

my criteria is this: if i can't learn from someone, i'm not going to invest in their friendship.  and i'm (believe it or not) generous to a fault.  if i realize i'm being taken advantage of, it's done.

and schnood - how much does it suck when they all start having babies?  i hated that.  they all got so boring.

I've moved around too much when I was younger to have a best friend. 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

and schnood - how much does it suck when they all start having babies?  i hated that.  they all got so boring.

It does! it sucks so much. All of my best friends starting having babies in high school. Its like hey I am coming to see your new baby at the hospital,*oooooh ahhhhh cute* see you in a few years dude!

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by silentdeadlyrose:

Well I know friends can cause a lot of drama, pretty much the reason why I don't look for new ones. I've had friends that were really close at one time and now act like I don't exist and as much as I try to reach out to them there's only so much you can do before you stop trying to pull a dead horse. I've been heartbroken many times by this and in that I only have a few people I would consider best. My trust is very low in people and if you even have an ounce of it you should consider yourself lucky because it's very rare with me.

i've had my share of these, too, rose.  i think it's a function of youth; when you're in school, you tend to become friends with the people who sit next to you, who are on the same teams, who live in your neighbourhood, etc.  as you get older, hopefully you'll have more friends by choice and less by convenience.

my criteria is this: if i can't learn from someone, i'm not going to invest in their friendship.  and i'm (believe it or not) generous to a fault.  if i realize i'm being taken advantage of, it's done.

and schnood - how much does it suck when they all start having babies?  i hated that.  they all got so boring.

OMG I hear you on that.  I've been taken advantage of SOOOO much.  All I want to do is help people, and if we're good friends I honestly don't care HOW much I have to do for them.  That's what friends are for.  But it's like, meeting people who only want you to do stuff for them... I love how the nicest people are so badly treated sometimes.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by silentdeadlyrose:

Well I know friends can cause a lot of drama, pretty much the reason why I don't look for new ones. I've had friends that were really close at one time and now act like I don't exist and as much as I try to reach out to them there's only so much you can do before you stop trying to pull a dead horse. I've been heartbroken many times by this and in that I only have a few people I would consider best. My trust is very low in people and if you even have an ounce of it you should consider yourself lucky because it's very rare with me.

i've had my share of these, too, rose.  i think it's a function of youth; when you're in school, you tend to become friends with the people who sit next to you, who are on the same teams, who live in your neighbourhood, etc.  as you get older, hopefully you'll have more friends by choice and less by convenience.

That's definitely how I feel.  My friends are all people I simply hang out with during the school day just because they're there and we're similar enough, but after school I don't really spend that much time with them.  I have a bit of social anxiety and that's one of the reasons for that but they're also closer with each other than they are with me which adds to my anxiety as I always feel awkward or like the odd one out.  I'm hoping that in college and later in life things will be different.

Original Post by gadzooks:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by silentdeadlyrose:

Well I know friends can cause a lot of drama, pretty much the reason why I don't look for new ones. I've had friends that were really close at one time and now act like I don't exist and as much as I try to reach out to them there's only so much you can do before you stop trying to pull a dead horse. I've been heartbroken many times by this and in that I only have a few people I would consider best. My trust is very low in people and if you even have an ounce of it you should consider yourself lucky because it's very rare with me.

i've had my share of these, too, rose.  i think it's a function of youth; when you're in school, you tend to become friends with the people who sit next to you, who are on the same teams, who live in your neighbourhood, etc.  as you get older, hopefully you'll have more friends by choice and less by convenience.

That's definitely how I feel.  My friends are all people I simply hang out with during the school day just because they're there and we're similar enough, but after school I don't really spend that much time with them.  I have a bit of social anxiety and that's one of the reasons for that but they're also closer with each other than they are with me which adds to my anxiety as I always feel awkward or like the odd one out.  I'm hoping that in college and later in life things will be different.

When I was a senior in high school I sat alone at lunch despite the fact that I was dating a football player. A starter at that. One of the most well known guys on the team. I had pretty much no friends.

College has gotten somewhat better because people don't BS with you so much. I have a lot closer friends, but even then, I only hang out with a select number of people. But when I was going through my wedding guest list, I realized how many people I would actually invite that would likely show up (that weren't just relatives) and it made me really happy. I never felt like I had as many friends as I do now.