How to tell if a guy just wants "the goods" from you?

I'm 18 and a freshman in college. Until I moved out, my parents didn't allow me to date. So now that guys are hitting on me (I can't lie, it's awesome!) I'm a bit nervous. I can weed out the obvious players, but I'm still not sure of the seemingly nice guys. I don't want to get hurt, but I don't want to exclude guys from my life--I've gone 18 years without them!

Any comments, words of wisdom, personal experiences with this--ANYTHING welcome. :)

Until you're more comfortable, spend time with guys in groups- at parties, hanging out on campus, dating in public places.  By spending one-on-one time talking to them without the pressure of being alone in a dorm room, you can begin to determine which guys are worth being alone in a dorm room with!

Also, decide your boundaries now.  Are you willing to let a guy take off your shirt but not your pants.  Are you willing to fondle but not have sex?  Are you open to oral sex but not vaginal?  At what point in a relationship would you consider sex?  Think about these things NOW before you get in an intimate situation and let racing hormones get the best of you.

If and when you are alone with a guy if he rushes things, don't be afraid to say, "I'd rather not do that yet" or "Can we save this for next time?".  Be HONEST and don't be a tease.  You'll figure out what you want/don't want and like/don't like pretty quickly so just stick up for yourself.

Be careful because even with just making out, you can easily catch things like mono while at school.  Try not to get too intimate if you're not sober and before you get sexually active (if you're planning on this) see a doctor and get adequate birth control.

Best wishes and HAVE FUN!

Question: "How to tell if a guy just wants "the goods" from you?"

answer:  He is breathing.

omg...  u sound alot like me when i was 19..  I never really dated because of my brothers!!!!  so when i left home i was kind of culture shock... feel me?  and the guys did holla.. and i'll tell you from experience.. A man will tell you what he knows you want to hear, to get in ur pants.. def. the guys that age... take ur time with them. feel them out, spend the time,  and you'll eventually find out what they want...    kthompson also gave you some great advice...

just use ur instincts.. u usually know when i guy just doesnt seem right, and if you dont, beleive me, time will let it be known...   i wish someone had given me this advice.....

Hey. I just turned 18 and started college in NYC last week, so I know what you mean.

I already had a boyfriend when I got here, though, so I don't have to worry about making those judgements. Not at this point, anyway. But here's what you should look out for.

Any guy who asks to come to your room or asks you to come to his room very soon in your acquaintanceship is definitely looking for "the goods".

If he seems "touchy feely", that's a good indication.

I know it's nice to get hit on. But what you want is a guy who wants to be your friend AND your boyfriend. So look for someone who will start off as friends with you. :) Guys who hit on you right away and don't start as your friend are more likely to just be looking for a hook up, not a relationship.

kthompson is right.  you have to be clear about your own sexual policies: what will you do, when, and with whom?  in a relationship?  out of a relationship?  how long to you have to know someone first?  and what level of commitment to you expect?

but that's just part A; part B is that you have to communicate your policies clearly.  don't be wishy-washy; anything other than NO is likely to sound like "maybe" to some guys.  if you're flirting or messing around with some dude and you say, "By the way, I'm not having sex with you, because [fill in the blank]", you'll know pretty quickly if that's all he was after.

Thanks for your replies.

I've been hanging out with a guy for the past 4 days. That may not seem like a long time, but I've been with him for at least 10 hours or more each day, doing stuff like playing volleyball, watching movies, and just talking. I haven't known him for long, but I've gotten to know him really well since we've talked so much. The most he's "touched" me is holding my hand. This guy is also older than me, so that made me a bit fishy--but so far he's been really nice and hasn't ditched me or made a big move on me.

He invited me to dinner and a movie tonight, and he said it was fine that I'd have to be home early because classes start up again tomorrow. He seems nice, but I'll keep everything you all have said in mind--I'll keep my guard up and tell him if he crosses the line. :)

If he's after more than sex, then he'll understand that you're not going to have sex with him anytime soon.  Which is not a license to tease endlessly, just an understanding that you need to get to know him and yourself better before having sex.

If he's just after sex, he'll probably keep trying to get into your pants despite your concerns and then dump you telling you that you have issues because you won't have sex with him or try guilting you into sex or undermining your confidence because you won't have sex with him.

If you're not ready to have sex, don't.  This may result in your having more male friends than you really want, but it's worth waiting until you're comfortable.

He sounds like a sweet guy. smwhipple is right. Good luck!

"older" - like how much older?  21/22?  or 30+    A little older is cool. A lot older is more to be careful about.

He's 23. A bit older than I'd prefer, but age never was a big factor to me. :)

Excellent, if he's respectful and fun to be with then enjoy :-)  If he starts pressuring you into experiences you aren't ready for, run away with good sneakers.

If he asks you on a date....then you know he wants "the goods". If he wasnt attracted to you in that way, then it wouldnt be a date and would just be friends.

The good ones make you feel good, that bad ones make you feel bad.  Good luck

The good ones continue to make you feel good when there's nothing in it for them, some of the tricky bad ones can fake it for a while.

Ignore everything they say and pay attention to everything they do.

Regardless if they're a nice guy or not, we're all after the goods.

Original Post by smwhipple:

If he's after more than sex, then he'll understand that you're not going to have sex with him anytime soon.  Which is not a license to tease endlessly, just an understanding that you need to get to know him and yourself better before having sex.

 Yes, three words don't put out. If he's interested in you he'll wait, and I dont mean til marriage but you get my drift. Oh, and make sure he's willing to call you his gf before rounding the bases. Like everyone else said trust your instincts because there are some tricky guys, that will gain your trust, and say anything to get in your pants then after they do they fall off the map.

I think Ignayshus is right and they're all after the goods,not that there's anything wrong with that. We're all human. I'm after the goods too! But what I'm a bit unclear of is what do YOU want? This is something you need to be clear of for yourself, have a sense of your boundaries and what you're comfortable with. How much do you want to experiment?

Some guys will pretend to be nice and then turn hostile and passive agressive if you're not into them that way. One thing I look out for is when they give a speech something along the lines of "Girls don't want nice guys, they only want jerks who treat them like crap." MAJOR red flag. Every guy I've ever met who thought that turned out to a)not be the nice guy they professed to be, and b)have serious issues with women.

Original Post by ignayshus:

Ignore everything they say and pay attention to everything they do.

Regardless if they're a nice guy or not, we're all after the goods.

 Iggy this is the best advice I've seen. And so true.

I say hang out with whoever you have fun with, stick to your morals and what you are comfortable with, and if they start pressuring you to do anything other than talk if you don't want to, then there's your sign.

When I started dating my ex of five years in high school, I stood my ground and told him exactly what to expect up front. He never tried anything and waited for me to be comfortable and decide when things should happen. He was my first boyfriend, but that's how I knew. If he woulda acted any other way, I would have dropped him like a bad habit.