Tell me that I'm overreacting

My boyfriend has a photo album that he keeps of all his "best memories"

I was going through it this morning.. and I found a lot of pictures of him and his first serious girlfriend (well, ONLY serious relationship he had besides with me). They went out for 2 years but she cheated on him. Well my question is... just because he still keeps pictures of her doesn't mean he still thinks about her right? I mean, it's just memories..?

Has he even updated the album?  Do you expect him to pull the pictures out?

I wouldn't freak about it, but if it bothers you, you need to address it with him in a non-confrontational way.

I do think you're overreacting, yes.

He probably does think about her, but not in a "I'm going to get back with her." way. There's something SPECIAL about your FIRST boyfriend/girlfriend, and just because she cheated on him doesn't mean that all of the relationship were terrible memories.

It might behoove you to talk to him, admit that you're feeling a little insecure and that you just need to hear from him what he finds so good about these pictures. Just make sure you listen to him if you do.

i still have some keepsakes from my relationship with my first serious boyfriend. we had a lot of good times. but there is no part of me that has any interest in EVER being with him again. they are just memories. i wouldn't worry at all.

My fiance has pics of his ex (he was gonna propose to her) in his album .  He's also got pics of other girls as well.  But  I doesn't bother me.  We all have a past.   He has a past just as you do.  it would be the same as him getting upset with you because you have pics of your ex or maybe things that your ex has bought you. 

The way to see it is that he is with you.  If he wanted her he would have stayed with her.  I doubt he still really thinks much about her.  if he's happy with you then he doesn't.

I once found 2 pairs of thongs in my fiances dresser, that didn't belong to me.  I told him that I didn't mind if he kept little keepsakes or whatever of his past girls but that I'd appreciate it if he kept them out of my sight in a box stored somewhere.  He choose to throw them away.  

As  If it really bothers you then do the same, express that you don't mind if he keeps any thing from his ex (including photos) but you'd appreciate it if it wasn't in your sight.  As puh8suwrux said, in a non-confrontational way.

Thanks guys. I have a tendency to overreact about a lot of things with the bf. I'll cut him some slack on this one hah

After I married my 1st wife, she found a box of my old "memories"- pix of ex-girlfriends, old letters, even my jr.hi yearbooks.  She tossed all of it, saying that none of it mattered anymore.  20+ years later, I still feel sick when I think about it, and it's one of many reasons that I hate that bitch. 

Yes, you would be overreacting to get upset about it or to take any action against it. 

And your bf will hate you.    

Do you have pictures of past boyfriends?  Would you get rid of them if he asked you to?

Old photos are kind of fun.  My kids ROFL whenever I pull out my photo albums (with old dated boyfriend pics).  Sometimes you have to keep that stuff for the kids.

Original Post by mimi_js:

Thanks guys. I have a tendency to overreact about a lot of things with the bf. I'll cut him some slack on this one hah

You should probably take some nice pictures of him.

I think you need more information but you need to get it without pressuring him.

I still have a few pictures of my first serious relationship but I have NO interest in getting in touch with him.

It's natural to remember good times when something jogs your memory but it doesn't mean that it's ANY threat to you or your relationship with him.

Maybe he forgot he even has it. I have a necklace that I'd forgotten even came from the ex-beau, until my fiance asked about it. That's when I thought about it I realized it was time to find it a new owner.

Well the question about how I'd feel if my boyfriend got mad at me for keeping old pictures from my past relationships doesn't really apply to me, since he's my first boyfriend. I think that is why I am bothered by this, because in my mind I feel like I could never get over him...so maybe it's possible that he isn't over his first gf either and that's why he kept all those pictures.

I'm sad that I'm not in his album

mimi, that's part of the issue for you. You haven't been there so you can't relate. I'm not saying there's nothing to worry about but I wouldn't be worried about just and album. Depends what else is going on too.

I'm am worried that (because we have little information) you are maybe TOO concerned about losing him that you'll be putting pressure on him to assure you of the relationship that will eventually push him away.

You sound like a great gal so don't worry so much! I promise if it for some reason doesn't work out you will find another. When my first love and I broke up I thought I was done forever. It wasn't true. It took me a while but I did find someone and it's SO MUCH BETTER than the relationship I thought I could never live without.

Every serious relationship that you have changes you, but it's especially true of the first.  If you can't understand why he holds on to these, try imagining someone down the line telling you that he feels bad because you're holding on to pictures of your first relationship (this one), and imagine how it wold make you feel to throw away very special memories.  Especially with first bfs/gfs, there's a lot of firsts (anything from first dates to prom) involved that bring back very nostalgic and very wonderful memories.

If it bothers you that much, maybe start a new scrapbook (with plenty of room) for him with other memories or pictures you guys have taken, and give it to him as a present.  Then there's no reason for you to look at the old albums.  This works especially well when the old album is nearing full capacity :)

Eh. My boyfriend has old photo albums with him and his friends, and one of his exes is in quite a few photos. They went out for two years, so I'm not surprised - that's a big chunk of your life when you're young! (I'm 22, he's 26). Doesn't bother me at all, in fact I have to say it satisfied my curiosity as to what she looked like. I have absolutely no fear that keeping photos of an ex means you want to be with them again. I am also good friends with one of my exes, and by no means do I want to be with her again.

You just need to relax and be trusting of one another

Maybe he views the album as a document of his life, and that was his life at the time. Doesn't mean he wishes to return to it. Only memories.

I think you should relax. I still have stuff from my old boyfriend, i.e. fortunes from fortune cookies (that was our "thing"), movie tickets, and a picture that we took. I keep them because they were good memories, I was very happy at the time, before things went sour. I'll look at them & think 'that was a really cute thing to do' or 'this is a cute picture,' because it's the truth. But would I ever get back with him? Absolutely not, he became a total douche. So maybe it's the same for him. I doubt he's sitting there pining over her.

Unless you see him secretly take out the album sometimes & stare at it dreamily, which could be a red flag. And he obviously wasn't trying to hide it from you, so unless there are other signs that he wasnts to end it between you 2, then I think you're safe. Maybe he just does the same thing as me, think "aw, those were good times, too bad she had to be a b*tch and cheat on me", ha. I'm surprised though, I didn't think guys ever did that photo album type stuff. But still, it's no biggie, cut him some slack (and take some pictures with him that he could maybe one day put in the album too).