How do I tell my parents about my ED?

Edit: Just read similar thread below mine... sorry! Didn't see that one before. :/

Well, I think I've hit my rock bottom. I'm sick of the denials, the lies, and I just can't do it anymore. I'm anorexic. I'm saying it now for the first time because I finally realized how truly pathetic my current life is. I posted a few times this past year, asking about diagnoses and whatnot, because I just couldn't accept it. It's still hard, but I'm scared that if I don't face it soon, now, it will be too late and I'll have ruined my future for good.

Since I was here last, I found a new therapist. I'm pretty happy with him so far, but things are only getting worse. I know it's because outpatient treatment just isn't enough anymore. There's not much any doctor can do for my mind when my body is falling apart, and I decided that if I really want to get better, I can't do things halfway. I'm going to look into some residential programs, but the problem is that I still live with my parents, and they're in total denial that anything is wrong.

I was diagnosed with EDNOS in the past so they definitely know I've had problems with this. Unfortunately, they never understood how serious it really was, and even though they went along with my treatment back then, things are different this time. I'm in college and I'm positive they won't be happy if I take time off. Money is also more of a problem, and I can barely afford therapy as it is. My parents absolutely wouldn't pay for any treatment unless they were convinced it was life-or-death necessary, and I'm scared to admit that, at this point, it pretty much is.

They don't even suspect that anything is wrong. Eating alone and at strange times is normal for me; I've been doing it for years and they don't question it anymore. Wearing layered, baggy clothes isn't unusual either, and even though we live in the same house, we really don't see that much of each other. But if I want to go inpatient for help, they're going to have to be told, and I just don't know how to do it.

I could tell them how much I weigh now, but I'd like to save that as a last resort. I think doing so would only upset them, and no matter how many times I've already tried to explain it, they just don't understand how EDs work. If they knew the truth, they would freak out and try to force me to eat, maybe help me pay for therapy, and that would be the end of it. I also don't want to face their anger and disappointment... they thought I was doing better, they were proud, finally starting to trust me again, and now to admit that I've been lying all along? It would ruin everything.

What do I say? How do I get them to take me seriously? I guess I'm just looking for advice from others who've gone through this. I never have. In the past, I've always been "caught," and denied that anything was wrong. It's ironic how the situation has changed. It took me so long to admit it even to myself; to hear my parents deny a problem, or to hear that it isn't serious...that would crush me.

My suggestion would be to take your post, print it out and give it to your parents. That's what I did with my mum when I turned to her for help and it worked. Give it a shot.

Best of luck and take care!

Well, you have explained things well to us here. Perhaps you should sorta do the same with you parents. Write a letter, handwritten or typed, doesn't matter which. That way you can say everything you need to say before they can interrupt you. Of course there would still need to be some resulting conversation, you can't avoid that directly, but with a well-thought letter, you can be sure you make every point you want to, and won't forget anything either.

It's not going to be the easiest thing you've ever done, and actually giving it to them might be difficult and a bit distressful, but so long as you make clear that you are coming to them under the conditions that they remain calm and level-headed about things, and that this is different than the other times it has become an issue, such as now you're the one not only admitting to it, but bringing it up as well, then hopefully things can begin to work out.

Don't mince words, don't try to play it off as something minor. The more direct you are, the more factual you are, the more it'll help them realize that there is something wrong, and that it is something in need of addressing and concern. 

Best of luck to you.

Even though I do not know you, I am proud that you are making this step.  This past year, a women I grew up with died from complications of her anorexia.  She was 31 years old, she had been noticable anorexic since she was 15 years old.  By the time she was ready to get better, it was too late for her.  My husband is a high school teacher, and one of his students died from an electrolyte imbalance caused from her eating disorder.

If you are a minor, then you have to tell your parents.  Sometimes parents live in denial that things are wrong with their children even if it is life threatening.  It takes time for them to adjust.  The fact that you are admitting this means that you are ready to get well, something that many people with eating disorders are never able to do.  Because of this, outpatient treatment may be effective for you.  As someone who has observed the inside of a mental institution, those with eating disorders have very little freedom.  Initially they can't even go to the bathroom without a witness and their potty times are scheduled.  Ironic because the lack of control, feeds into the eating disorder. 

If your therapist is open to it, you may want him to sit down with you and your family when you tell them.  This gives a professional perspective, without the emotion.  Even though they may not know it, you getting better may change your family dynamic and your parents may need help learning to live with a healthier, stronger you.  

Keep it up.  Even though you may have set backs, keep the greater goal in mind.  Good luck.

 

jevw-

I was hospitalized for my ED when I was 17 (I'm 22 now), and the year before in a different hospital for a related reason. So yeah, I know what it's like, how much it can suck, and that's why I put it off for so long. The thing is that I can only admit it now because I have nothing left. This, my eating disorder, is my life. I wake up, remind myself of why I can't eat that morning, take meds, exercise, weigh myself, exercise, cry, write speculative journal entries on the meaning of life and the Point of it All, weigh myself again, lie in bed for hours trying to sleep, give up when it gets dark out, eat, purge, exercise, try and fail to go to sleep. Repeat the next day. I'm cutting classes because I can't focus, lost my A average, I haven't seen my friends in months, and I just can't live like this anymore. It's not worth it. The other night I told myself I had to make a choice between life (recovery) or anorexia. I made a list and told myself that if the benefits of recovery didn't outweigh those of anorexia, or if I didn't see enough hope in my future, I would kill myself. Luckily - because I really didn't want to die - I decided to give life another chance.

There are more reasons behind my decision to find an inpatient program, but that's the main one. I don't trust myself at all right now and I think, under the circumstances, this really is the best option.

I like your idea about telling them with my therapist. I'm seeing him tomorrow night, so I'll talk to him about it then. Thanks!

bahamamama & gf3dcb4-

The letter thing is a great suggestion, and I'll probably do something like that before actually talking to them. I've tried things like that in the past, though, and every time my parents' only response when I ask what they're thinking is, "...It was very well written." o.O  Yeah, so I'm a little hesitant to try it again. But things like this are easier for me to write than they are to tell, so I'll probably end up doing it that way anyway. I just know it will take much more than that, and "the talk" is what I'm most worried about.

Thanks for the advice.

I'd just like to second the idea of telling your parents with your therapists help. He can help facilitate the disscussion and hopefully help them to understand the seriousness of your ED, especially since it's coming from a third person.

Let us know how it all goes!

Well so long as you say what you need to, you won't have any shocking news for them once it comes time for the talk. If you give them a bit of time to think over the information too, they might be a bit more calm when it's time for discussion, and any questions they have should be thought out. Waiting for them to read the letter and then go right into talking about it doesn't give them time to react, and may seem a bit rushed and overwhelming, hence the reply of 'it was very well written'.

If you want some input on the letter, or just for someone to go over it and tell you what impression they get from the letter, I'd be more than happy to lend some advice. Though if you decide it is personal matters, which I wouldn't be offended if you did, then I hope you give it its due time.

Take care, and here's hoping it all goes over well.

Are you allowed the option of being an inpatient?
I suggested being hospitilised, but they said my weight was only a pound or two above the danger zone, and as long as I stay above that - then theres nothing they can do. Im in a similar situation to you where the ED is concered, ive always tried to tell myself, even though I know I do have anorexia, that Im just being healthy.. but I do realise that I have a problem now - my theripist cant do anything, nor my dietitan and definetely not me...

If the inpatient ward worked before for you - then why dont you give it another try?
But saying that, if you had made a full recovery - then why are you back to square one...  its quite sad , and I really do have to take my hat off to you for being so upfront about finally admitting you have an issue with anorexia - well done! :)
It takes a very strong person.

Sometimes in life, people cant see on your level -  your parents are oblivious to all the complications an eating disorder can have on a young woman. Its always great to have support in this situation 100%, but they dont truly understand how serious the condition is... if you need support - what about other close members in your family? Even small support from them - would bring you one small step closer to recovering. 

I don't have specific advice for you, but I did want to say that I wish you all the best.  I have major depressive disorder, so I do know what it is like to battle something that seems so looming and big, bigger than you.

Be strong.  It will take time.  Don't give up.