What do I tell people?

Hi everyone,

I am a new member, and while I have been making half-hearted attempts at dieting for over a year, I now find myself sticking to my eating/exercise goals and have even lost 9 lbs so far! However, I don't enjoy discussing my diet with people who I am not particularly close with and this has become a problem recently. Every week I attend a class where, halfway through, we take a break and eat a snack...usually something unhealthy, also not at a mealtime. When I don't eat the snack, people are always asking me why not, and it becomes rather annoying every single week. Part of me wants to tell them so they will finally stop bugging me about it, but I also don't feel incredibly comfortable with sharing these goals with complete strangers. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks!

Tell them you're allergic/intolerent to "x", or that you're on medication that it'll interfere with? Or that you're not long after a meal and are still full. If they keep going on about it then thats just being rude & intimidating!

 Could you take in a healthy snack instead to have so they don't feel that you're 'snubbing' their snack time maybe?

I find being positive about how you feel makes it easier. It's sort of more friendly to treat it as though it were a curious thing that you are also interested in. 'It's funny, you know. I'm just not hungry/ not craving sweets/chips at the moment, you know?', Or 'actually, I REALLY feel like eating x right now, and it seems silly to eat something else instead of what I really want', or 'To tell the truth, I'm always hungry at Y o'clock, never at this time of day'!

Well, anyway. That kind of thing feels more open and honest to me than saying 'i'm on a diet', which is not how I'd like to see my eating habits anyway. Also, if you say 'I don't want chips/I'm on a diet/that's too high in calories for me' you run the risk of starting a war of subtle pressures. Strangely, some people seem to take food choices take almost as a personal attack, as though you were berating *them* for eating unhealthy food by choosing to refrain from eating it yourself.  

I don't think you shoud lie about why you're not eating.  After you pass on the snack a few times they won't be so curious about why you're doing it.  In the meantime just say 'I'm not hungry', 'I'm not in the mood for X,' 'I just ate,' or like random said, 'I'd rather eat X right now' - whatever may apply.   Pretty soon you passing on the snack will be old news and no one will care.  

I tell people I HATE SUGAR!

Which is true, so. Sometimes I bring out really small bits of 85% chocolate which makes everyone else gag and claim it tastes like bitter, nasty mud. Love it.

You should bring a healthy snack with you.  A fruit would do a trick, its sweet but still great for you and most people wont comment on it

Look them in the face and say:

"Do I ask you about your eating habits?"

Then continue on with your day. They'll leave you alone after that.

Original Post by samismilexx:

Look them in the face and say:

"Do I ask you about your eating habits?"

Then continue on with your day. They'll leave you alone after that.

haha That sounds like something I would say. I'm always getting asked about my eating habits at work. I eat mainly healthy food, so on the occasion that I'll have a mini bag of M&M's (leftover from Halloween lmao) they look at me in shock and say, "I thought you didn't eat candy!"

Little do they know of my love affair with sweets. haha

just tell them that you don't like to indulge in fattening junk but that they should continue because it suits them.    Or say you have  more conscious thoughts of what goes into your mouth than most.  they'll stop asking

Rosa52,

I felt drawn to your post.  I don't have an answer to your question .... but something about you post struck me as so familiar.  I am not certain why telling people that you are on a diet or making a lifestyle change is hard for you ... but I am going to tell you why it was hard for me and the resulting consequences.  Before I found CC (actually, even for awhile after I found CC), I was what I refer to as a "closet dieter".  You know, kind of a like a closet alcoholic ... but instead I just hid the fact that I was on a diet.  For some reason, acknowledging the fact that I needed to lose weight gave me great shame.  I hid the fact that I was on a "diet" because I didn't want to feel people's judgemental stares if I ate something that was an indulgence (like french fries or sweets).  I also didn't want to face the shame I would feel if everyone knew I was dieting and not succeeding. 

The problem with this is that by doing this, I ended up sabotaging myself. I would go places and all this delicious food would be served ... and of course, as the resident fat kid ... I was expected to partake!  Not to mention, I am a relatively good cook ... and I was always expected to bring some extravagant dish (loaded with calories, fat and carbs).  I got my self-esteem from the fact that people LOVE my cooking ... and in some really strange way ... it justified my extra weight ... after all, they did just taste my cooking, they must know why I am a little heavy, right?  No one knew that my life-style change made it difficut for me to participate in these same rituals ... and therefore ... no one was able to support me in making a healthy life-style change.  I just kept ending up in a viscious cycle.  Closet diet ... social gathering revolving around food .... slip up .... self-depriciation .... Closet diet ...etc.  I would never change ... and much like you mentioned ... I would make several half-hearted attempts per year, only to find that I was right back where I started.

After joining CC, I posted a blog about the shame I had with closet dieting and the fear that I had because I was awaiting yet ANOTHER family food fest that I knew would sabotage my eating properly.  Another poster shared her story with me about "coming out of the closet" so to speak.  Her story motivated me to get honest with both myself and others.  Initially, I was scared to death to tell anyone that I was dieting (or making a lifestyle change) ... because I was so scared that I would fail and everyone else would look at me with as much contempt and disgust as I felt when I failed.  But, instead, I was shocked by what happened.  Support! 

I have gotten so much support and love, especially as described what it was that I am doing.  I told them about the lifestyle change.  I told them all about calories in and calories out ... exercise and eating right.  I told them about the occassional indulgence to make life worth living ... and you know what?  I not only got support ... but I have noticed them all make an effort in their own daily life at watching what they eat ... getting more exercise ... calling me to find out how to make a delicious meal with less calories.  It is so liberating!  No more shame ... no more self-depriciation ... no more hiding ... only support and continued weightloss.  I have only been at this for nearing 3 months but now that eveyone knows ... I feel like this really could be a lifestyle change ... where as before ... it really was a diet.

Perhaps, it would be good to explore why you feel so private about your eating (which is usually a very public thing ... because many, many, many social situations around the globe have food in the center of the festivities)?  It may make a difference in the long run to address what is causing you to hold back.  Or, maybe not.  This is just my two cents ... and I thought ... maybe if this story helps one person to stop feeling ashamed or hiding ... then it was worth it.  If it is not relevant to you ... then I apologize ... but I did think it was worth mentioning.

Sorry I can't help you with finding the proper turn down for you snacks.  I actually probably could give you lots and lots of excuses (because I have used some whoppers in my day) but ... on the off chance that it will hurt you ... rather than help you ... I will leave that to yourself and others to address.  Good luck in your journey ...

Gwen

You can just simply say you don't want it...you don't owe anyone an explanation.

My favourite -

"I can't eat it, I'm allergic. Causes me to break out in fat"

clairesty thats AWESOME. I'm using that one.

I usually just say I'm trying to eat healthier.  If you have anything like heart disease, etc. that runs in your family, you can use that as a justification (I usually do, and people tend to question you a lot less when you are trying to avoid heart diseases versus loose weight, not that the two aren't related, but people forget that...)

"I don't feel like it". Simple and short.

UD

I've asked them "why do you want to know?"  That puts it back in their nosey lap.

Totally understand what you mean, when your eating something healthy or you say your losing weight people are always like WHAT DIET ARE YOU ON, HOW DID YOU DO IT... but I always just say Healthy Eating and Exercise, cos thats all I am doing.

I got funny looks the first time at work I came in with my homemade chicken salad sandwich and my fruit salad w/ healthy youghart snack but only because it was such a contrast from what they usually see me eat.

I feel happy telling people I am doing it and then as it gives me motivation to keep going, otherwise people will think I am a fooL!

I find if you just keep it simple and honest, people tend to drop it pretty fast... You don't have to go into details, I usually just use a simple "I'm trying to watch what I eat" and most times, that ends the discussion.

I too faced the similar situation in College days. I used to take a fruit or healthy snack along. There have been times where i have walked out during the snack time just to avoid questions.

I guess it depends on how long you're going to be with them.  Generally, the longer you'll be with them, the more tactful you'd need to be.

When asked a question that I don't care to answer, I have found the best response is a smile and move on.  You really don't owe anyone an explanation and you can be polite and move on.   If you get a negative comment on that, give them a wry look and say "Really?"  works every time.

i was tested and had a positive result for an intolerance to wheat.  not gluten, just wheat.  which rules out bread, pasta, cakes, biscuits etc... so when i turn down a snack at snacktime i just tell them i can't have it.  i doubt i've told more than a dozen people that i can't have wheat for medical resons... but really depends on the people asking, most people don't really care why you aren't having with everyone else.  don't worry about them, they'll be the first to notice you have lost weight and last to put 2 + 2 together with ur lack of snacks.