telling the family I'm a vegetarian

I have somewhat of a problem... I'm a new vegetarian (six months) and my family, who don't yet realize that I don't do the whole milk-and-meat thing, seem to hold the opinion that vegetarians are all radical tree-hugging, red paint-throwing fanatics... and I'm a little nervous about their finding out that I'm borderline vegan.  Perhaps they fear that by my choosing not to eat meat, I'm judging them because they do... which I can understand.  I respect people's choices and think no less of anyone who chooses differently than me.  How can I respond to their inevitable questions without sounding judgemental (i.e. 'I don't eat meat because it's wrong,' etc.)... I don't want to offend or alienate my family.  Basically, what are some good, considerate responses?  Thanks.

If asked why, just tell them you thought you'd try it for a while, and you know what?  I feel so much better!  I think I had trouble digesting meat and dairy.  So I think I'll continue with this and see how it goes.  Thank you for being so concerned about me - I know you love me as much as I love you.

soschwarz - I don't know if this will work.  You may have to sit down and plan out what you're going to say. 

i remember the day my family found out that i am a vegetarian. Even until today, they still have this statement " I wondeer how could u do that," But all i did was just smiling and said that 1.) I wanna do the best thing that i could do toward my body and 2.) I dont feel like eating something that feels like my own meat. But i said it jokingly, and when they asked again, just explain the benefit of eating healthy as a veggie. GoOD lUCK!

And remember that there will always be atleast one (if you are lucky) that will never understand, no matter what you say.  It's been over 10 years for me and the same family members will bring it up during every encounter even if food isn't present.  These aren't the ones that are genuinely interested, though they'll fake it with 'bait' questions like "Why don't you eat meat again?"  Best bet is to keep note of the ones that do it as the bait questions are meant to bring you into an argument.

The ones that are genuinely curious should understand and respect your decisions no matter what explanation you give them.  In my experience, though, these people number in the few.  You get more of the tolerant individuals, I think, who will just not bring it up again to avoid an uncomfortable situation for themselves.

It all really depends on your family.  My immediate family respects by superhero abilities to not eat meat since they could 'never' do it.  Aunts, Uncles, and beyond I've had to get firm with, however.  "It's a choice I have the right to make regarding myself and I've made it.  Period."  Nothing gets accomplished when you argue, even though that's what a few of them want to do.

I wish you luck trying to reason with your family as it can be difficult.  Depending on your age, you don't owe any explanation though.  Wait until you are ready to give one and ask that they stop hounding you until then.

Come out of the closet. Unless your family owns an abbatoir, they'll likely have less of an issue if you have less of an issue.

Sure, there will always be some helpful family member who will serve you soup with beef stock because the stock didn't count and another who will suggest you can just pick the hamburger out of your spaghetti sauce, but that's due to lack on information (most of the time) and not malice (most of the time). In the same way that you have to learn how to eat like a vegetarian, your family needs to learn how to feed one.

I have been vegetarian since July...when I told my family, they questioned it...the why, how come, are you nuts thing...but really I was honest and I held strong to the reasons why I wanted to do this...and they support me. 

Oh my, this title caught my eye immediately!!!   This isnt a crime to be embarassed about. We are not freaks.   Bonnie, have you ever seen the Movie *Steel Magnolias*?  (90% sure thats the right movie)

In there, one of the women talks about a young man who told his family that he was gay?   The joke in the movie is that the young man told his family that he only had 6 months to live.  Gave them one heck of a start with that... then turned around and said, no actually I am *just* gay.  ::chuckles::   Now this way would have worked great in my family.  They probably would have laughed hard.   I do not say this will work for everyone.

But just tonight I had a talk with my Brother in Law about being a veg head.  ::good natured self joking::   He made 2 big pans of meaty Lasagna for the family today.  He also made a separate 9X9 pan of veggie Lasagna just for me.  All his Lasagna was stuffed with Spinach, just more in mine.  I didnt even ask him too and I felt so respected.   Anyway, as we talked, he said it felt so odd making that without the meat in it.  This of course led to the inevitable... so how come you are a Vegetarian?

I spoke of losing my taste for it.  I had worked so many restaurants over the years and burgers had been a massively over-eaten thing in my world.  When I told him that burgers from places like fast food joints just tasted like greasy old grey chewing gum to me, his eyes lit up with understanding. 

He himself has had a stomach stapling operation and has lost a lot because of it.  His reason was diabetes issues.  But this was the first time I realized that he also had given up beef.  His reason is that his stomach now can barely handle digesting it.  Its about a 50/50 shot as to if he will be sick afterwards or not.  Hence his complete understanding of how I could look at beef and curl up my nose.  

This got longer then I intended, but my point is this...  Maybe others in your family have personal things that will help them relate to what you are living through?  Understanding and comprehension come from places we never expect.  Usually my Bro-in-law does not want to talk about his operation at all and I try not to bring it up.  This time he himself opened up about it and that makes me smile.   That and him *getting it* when I talked about the *gum* analogy.  

Good luck and remember, it could always be worse.  ::chuckles:: you could always have 65 kinds of terminal tumors!!  Instead you are just a simple person who would rather have a carrot then a chicken wing?  That sounds benign enough to me.  ::laughs:: Heck if anything, we veg heads sound a little boring when I put it like that! ~ Lost Artist
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Why should it matter what they think. Live your life for you. 

My family wasn't very supportive when I went veg 5 years ago, but they got over it pretty quickly.

Tell them you are an axe murderer, then,  no, not really, but you are a vegan...see not quite so bad.. :D

Be honest about your reasons (are they for health?  Animal rights?  Environmentalism?  A combination?) and know your stuff (search the web for "vegan" and you get a billion things popping up.  Peta is a good site to start with and vegweb.com for recipes).

Don't argue.  You will never win the argument.  Just state your reasons and be done with it.  If people feel personally offended, just tell them that you don't eat animal products because it's not something that coincides with your moral values, but you're in no position to judge the moral values of others.  Everyone has to make their own choices and feel comfortable with them.  That diffuses a lot of arguments.

I also like the "I don't speak for the Vegan World" statement when people ask me "why do vegans...?" questions. 

The health argument is usually easier to make than the animal rights argument.  Good, objective health arguments can be found in a book by T. Colin Campbell called "The China Study" http://www.thechinastudy.com/about.html .

Here is a quote:

The findings? ?People who ate the most animal-based foods got the most chronic disease ? People who ate the most plant-based foods were the healthiest and tended to avoid chronic disease. These results could not be ignored,? said Dr. Campbell.

Hope this helps,

Jim

In the beginning, at least, I would avoid the "Meat is Murder" argument. My family definately freaked out when I broke the news. I was a gradual vegetarian, first giving up processed meat, then red meat, then chicken and finally fish. I couldn't believe they would be so concerned with what I ate now, since they had never paid any attention before. I am from a conservative family, so I got lots of the "God made that cow for you to eat"

Occassionally someone will cook something with me in mind, but at family gatherings I always bring my own food. If there is plenty for me to eat then I save what I brought for later. If not I just put it on a paper plate and eat with everyone else.

What it will probably come down to is you taking a lot of crap, and having to be the "grown up" and take it. There are plenty of folks who will not listen despite your most articulate explainations. Best of luck.

edit: removed double post

Thankfully, I've never had "real" resentment from my friends and family.  They do, however, think it's just a phase and mock me for it.  But I can handle that.  Besides, I'm feeling better than they do. :)  I just tell people that ask it's because meat has all kinds of hormones and chemicals in it and it's bad for you.  I tell them how good I feel and that usually shuts them up.

I have been a veggie for 12 years (since age 11) and my family still does not support or respect my decision. Every holiday there is meat everywhere and only a tossed salad, so I started bringing my own veggie dishes to holidays and get criticized for doing that because I am being "rude" some families accept it more than others, I hope yours accepts you for your choice. Good luck.

After many years of experimenting with different levels of response(s) to this question, I've come to rely on the one that removes most issues... I simply tell them that it is my preference.  "I prefer a vegetarian diet."

This removes judgement and can often turn/alter the tone of the conversation, if indeed it continues.  It leaves everyone involved  room to have their own preferences as well. 

Good Luck!

i can understand where you're comming from. i've wanted to be a vegitarian for years. but i could never hold it up because i'm having problems finding what i need to eat each day to maintain my health. my family, nor my friends family who is currently living with us don't approve, they think it's rediculous. and it makes me feel like crap. because we've had meet for the last dinners for weeks. and it annoyes me. because i really don't like it. and i'm about to just go vegitarian because i'm sick of eating meet, and it makes me feel guilty. if your family doesn't support it then they can shut up. get a job, pay for your own food. they can't say anything. but try to be a support system. if they arn't then ignore it. they arn't worth giving up something you're passionate about.

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