telling a loved one they need to get in shape....umm?

k i had no idea where to post this....

please don't think i'm shallow! here's the deal...

my boyfriend and i have been going out for two years, when we first started dating he worked out ocasionally and kind of watched what he ate....now over the last 2 years he's put on about 15-20 pounds and he NEVER works out....he still looks good...but i'm more so worried about lifestyle...I run everday lift weights a few times a week and i'm really in shape...the thing is i don't necessarily care what if he gains another 10 pounds it's just that 20 years down the line if we do get married I want to lead an active lifestyle... i think that if he's not wanting to exercise now what will change in the future?

i don't think i could ever bring it up though? should i ever bring it up? if i ask he wants to go running with me will this be offensive?

I think you said it quite well.  Simple honesty, without insult, is best.

Asking him to go running or bike riding or hiking or anything together is a great way to get someone to be more active.  Try to do the thing they enjoy most for  a start.  Just to get them interested.  As you play together you may also grow closer emotionally.  If he turns you down flat, keep asking in a friendly way. 

Push comes to shove you can say what you said on this thread. 

You can't expect to change him. If an active lifestyle is something you want with your partner and he isn't willing to participate, then it sounds like you should re-evaluate your relationship.

But more to the point, I personally think that an active lifestyle is much more than daily exercise. There are so many other activities to do - hiking and a picnic, rock climbing, bowling, roller blading, surfing, skiing/snowboarding. I would rather do any of those activities with my SO than run together. (BTW, I don't think it would be offensive at all to ask him if he wants to run with you, as long as you're not pushy about it)

i have the same problem.  my boyfriend and i are counting calories to lose weight, but i walk for an hour every day and he doesn't do any extra physical activity.  well, aside from guitar hero drums.  it's a good workout, but he doesn't do it regularly.  now i'm losing weight faster than he is.  i think he's a little jealous, and i'm hoping that it will motvate him to walk in the evenings with me instead of me walking alone in the afternoon before he's home from work.  sometimes i'll drag him along with me.  he complains at first, but after like 2 minutes, he's glad he came.  going for a nice long walk is also a great time to connect with him!  we talk about all kinds of things that we otherwise wouldn't.

Try the gentle approach at first (asking if he'd like to go with you when you exercise, etc) and, if that fails, try saying to him what you said here. Unfortunately, its a very hard thing to motivate someone else to work out... If they're not personally ready to commit, then nothing you say could convince them.

i think anytime one tries to approach someone to change their lifestyle, it will be answered with resistance, defensiveness and probably hurt.  it's definately something that an individual has to want to do for themselves.  in my experience, the best you can do is provide a good example and be willing to help him with changes if he should come to you and ask.

i would suggest asking him to join you for activities, purely for the enjoyment of his company, but if he refuses, pressuring someone usually ends up in resentment from both parties involved.

I couldn't get my husband to go for a run with me unless my life depended on it. Seriously! His belief is that the only reason to run, is if someone is chasing you. LOL But he is a Farmhand by trade so by the time he gets home, working out is not his idea of fun, he's been physically active all day long.

As a family, we do other physical things together like take our kids on a bike ride, or go rock picking in ther fields (my son has a rock fetish) My husband and I are big into renovating our 1940's farmhouse as well, so we spend a lot of time laying tile, doing drywall etc... But running and working out is one thing that I enjoy alone... Which is ok with me, because honestly, he likes doing things that I have absolutely no desire to do either. I can't expect us to have all the same interests.

Ask him to go with you, and if you're pretty laidback in the way you ask, he won't take offense. Just don't be offended if he says no, and remember that you don't have to exercise to be active.  Good Luck!