Telling your parents

hi everyone =]

my ED started in late march/early april, while i was away at boarding school. i was home from mid june to the end of august, and i was still with the ED. the whole time i was home with my parents, they didn't notice. i wasn't underweight, so i guess it wasn't too physically visible, but i was displaying a lot of the signs, including going days without eating.

so now that i'm in recovery, i'm not sure if i should tell them. i'm seeing a therapist and nutritionist, but they don't know why. my therapist wants me to start doing another round of EMDR, which will cost more than my current treatment. if i want to do it, i'll need to tell my parents, and then my mom will ask why i need to do it, which will lead to her becoming sad/frustrated with me not telling her. she's tried to guilt me into telling her about my treatment before. i know she doesn't do it on purpose, but it hurts.

so my question is, should i tell them about my ED?
do you think it'll benefit me? did you feel better after you told your parents/spouse/sibling?

some advice would be great =]

hey there:

i havent told anyone yet of my eating disorder other than my counsler so i may not be the best person to give advice. but i think that the more you bring your disorder into the light the better it is. ED's revolve around secrecy and i think that once we start talking about them more and pushing this dirty laundry into the spotlight we can really start to move away from it. i wish i had the guts to tell my parents right now. i really could use their support but im afraid that it will just turn into this HUGE ordeal since my mom has been warning about eating disorders since i was in middle school. i know that once i do tell them....though it might be difficult for the first week or so...overall it will really help me and most likely keep me from relapsing as much.

so i wish you the best of luck. i think you should tell them - you may be surprised by how they react and how supportive they become for you. if you need to practice how to bring it up go ahead and post topic starters on here. im sure we re all willing to help you find the right words.

Hi

Your family is really your best ally.  They only want what is best for you and letting them know what is going on will really lift a huge burden off of your chest.  I still remember how I felt after I told my mother, I was so relieved.  Believe me, its worth it to just tell your family. 

There is no ideal way.  I woke my mom up in the middle of the night because I wanted to tell her so bad.  I just cried and managed to get out "I need help."  Really, just do it in any way possible.

This type of thing is always circumstantial. But from what I've read it seems like you and your family could only stand to benefit from the truth.Your parents will feel more at ease knowing about your condition as well as knowing that they are able to help and offer support.

Just stand your ground and be firm about where you are in your recovery. Of course your parents will react with a bit of frustration at first, because an eating disorder is a big deal. The reason parents (especially mothers!) respond with guilt-trip tactics is that they feel fear. Fear that whatever it is you're hiding may be doing more harm than can be prevented without their help. But if you are clear about your desire to be healthy, and that this is a personal decision that you have made independently, they'll respond with respect and appreciation. So many parents have to send their kids to numerous treatment programs before he or she can even see a problem in theirt behavior, and you're showing maturity as well as self-awareness by seeking the help yourself.

So, good luck.

Thanks everyone  for your responses =]

I'm still in Canada, and I don't know when I'll be seeing them again, but when I do, I'd like to tell them. I'd rather tell them in person than just over the phone, so it has to wait til I see them face to face. Hopefully I'll see them soon!

Thanks again!

Several of you talk about (potential) parental support:

• i really could use their support…
• they are… able to… offer support…
• really your best ally…..

I agree that it’s in your best interest to shine the light on the ED, but I would not have any expectations or make any assumptions about anyone's reactions or behaviors, including your parents. People have their own issues, and as a result, they may behave in inconsiderate and unloving ways, and we may choose to feel hurt because of it. But people can only give what they can, and you might be more emotionally evolved than your parents. And so, the bottom line is just to bring the entire scenario back to therapy so that you can sort it out and grow. In reality, the only expectation that you can have is to expect you to love yourself.

I don't know how your relationship with your parents is, but I know my parents would love me even if I got pregnant, dropped out of high school, and became a prostitute.

They would still love me and forgive me for whatever I did. <3