telling ppl you are pregnant

Hi All,

I am not pregnant, but plan to have a baby within the next few years.  When is an appropriate time to tell our parents we are pregnant.  My sister had a miscarriage and that turned out to be draining on the family.  Should I wait until after 8 weeks or so?  Also, I feel like my mother-in-law would be upset that we waited that long to tell her as she is too overbearing!  I just don't want to hurt anyones feeling if we keep it "secret" for a while.

It's all up to you.  We waited to tell my mother until nearly the end of the first trimester - they get over it quickly enough when the baby comes!  If any feelings are ruffled, say "We just wanted it to be a special secret for a while".

If she is overbearing, I would not play into it by feeling like you have to tell her stuff you aren't comfortable telling her yet. You and your husband should decide when you are ready, and try to not worry about people's feelings. She will get over it. And if she pouts, ah well. My bfs parents were overbearing at first, but he has since stopped telling them as much or playing into thier control issues. But trust me...I know how annoying that can be! Most people that I know don't tell anyone until around 8 weeks. I think that is normal.

Hi,

While I am not a mother I can attest to family dynamics.  My suggestion is to play it by ear and wait until you are pregnant.  When the time is right to tell everyone it will happen naturally.  You may be so excited that you can not wait to tell everyone or you may just want to keep it to yourselves for a while.  Either way is perfectly acceptable especially considering all your family has gone through in the past. 

If anyone is upset that you waited to tell them, explain why and let them deal with it the best way they can.  Your body, your family, your decision. 

Good luck

C

I'll echo what others have said: it's what YOU feel is right.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, we didn't tell our parents until halfway through my pregnancy. I wasn't showing and we were young and afraid of them!

With my second pregnancy (which was planned), we told our families on the same day just the day after we found out ourselves. We have very close families so it just felt natural to tell them. After all, they would have been my support in the event that I had a miscarriage.

Don't do it just to make others happy. If you want to share (I sure couldn't keep a secret the second time!), then do it. Your mother-in-law will get over it, especially once you remind her that she won't get to visit the grandbaby if she holds a grudge!

Do what is right for you!

I couldn't keep the secret.  I was on the phone ASAP to let family know with my first. 

With my second, we waited less than a week, but only b/c my dad was coming to visit and I wanted to be able to tell him in person.  I'm his baby (last of 8 kids).  My son told him, and he was so happy he cried.  I believe his words were "what did he say? ah, don't joke with me like that."  I had to show him the test!

When I was pregnant the first time, we told our parents right after the blood test came back confirming.  Both my mom and MIL were totally wanting grandbabies and we were too excited to keep this a secret.  I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks; when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, we did not tell anyone (except my life-long best friend) until I went for my monthly ultrasound when I was 19 weeks.  Everyone was so thrilled that it didn't even cross anyone's mind to question the "secret."  Trust me, my mom sounds like your MIL.  Do what you feel comfortable with---it's YOUR body and YOUR (and your hubby's) baby.

Thanks everybody!  That helps a lot!  I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one with an overbearing MIL!  I guess we will have to figure out when the time comes.  Thanks again!

I told my family and closest friends almost immediately. My thought process was that if I did miscarry, I would want their support and wouldn't hide that, so why not share the joyous news with them.  Everyone else (work, acquaintances, etc.) was told after I entered my second trimester.

I'm not a mother yet but I think I would wait until the end of my first trimester, if I could. But sometimes people (especially moms) can tell just by looking at you.

In Ireland you get two 'big' scans during your pregnancy (more if necessary obviously, but this is what everyone gets)- one at 12wks and one at 24wks. It's 'normal' to let people know after the first scan, when you know all appears well and you've made it past the 'danger' time for miscarriage.

Of course it's up to yourself really- I know I told my parents at 7wks when pg with my first (I had to though- there was a big party coming up that I couldn't drink at & they would've known straight away! LOL! They helped cover for me by saying I was the designated driver as I was on antibiotics for a kidney infection!)

With my second I waited, and I stuck my scan picture into a Christmas card and sent it to them from their new grandchild! It took them a while to figure it out, but then they called with their congtratulations!