Temper tantrums

My son has been acting up more and more after he gets back from staying over at my in-laws.  I know that they spoil him over there but I do not know how to go about it tactfully without saying hey how come every time my kid comes home he is a brat.  I know that sounds bad nut he started doing things like throwing himself down and making such a fuss I can not take him to places where I used to be able to.  My husband doesn't see that it is him going over there but he is not bad when he hasn't been there for a few days.  Plus, his sisters and him were spoiled growing up so I think maybe he is getting his way when he is there and when he is at home he isn't and that is why he is doing all of the throwing himself around and what not.  I don't want my kid to be one of those kids at the store.  He is a good kid when he is with us its after those days or weekends with them.  I don't know what to do cause I can not just say hey he cant come over anymore you know.  Please help me out.  Oh yeah.  I have been watching a lot of Super Nanny and Nanny911 to try to help but if we both aren't on the same page on how we are disciplining and setting standards its not going to work.

when my kids were smaller i noticed the same thing when they came back from my parents after a day or a weekend. i dont know that my parents spoiled them exactly, but i do think that there were some things they were allowed to get away with, that i certainly didnt get to do when i was their age.

is it possible to limit the time they spend there? is it possible to find out what exactly goes on over there and have a chat with your in laws about your concerns? tho i will tell you it probably wont be easy; grandparents feel a god-given right to spoil their grandchildren! maybe it would help if your husband was the one to pick your son up, or have him closely observe your son in the days after coming back from the inlaws. i find that sometimes husbands think we exaggerate things because they are not as close to it as we mothers are, being the primary caregivers.

hope things work out....

My daughter used to spend every weekend (while I was at work) until she was sixteen (job change) at my late Mother's. I told my daughter & my Mom that the rules that she has to follow in my house still apply outside of my house. That meant at Gramma's, Aunties', Uncles', & friends' houses. No exceptions. That worked really well. I can even recall one of my Aunts trying to bend the rules (tried to give her a wee sip of wine & said she wouldn't tell me). My daughter came home and immediately told me. 

Okay, I just started this with my 29 month old son.....so far, it seems to be working.

My problem is he gets mad and hits himself. Small problem, I am sure, but it bothers me and I want this behavior to stop!

I pulled out the 'naughty spot'. Yeah, I know....lame. It is similar to the time out....but more comprehendable for a two year old.

He hits himself, he goes to the naughty spot. I can even tell him to go to the naughty spot and he knows where it is. I have been doing this for maybe five days and the behavior (hitting himself when upset/frustrated) has decreased to once or twice a day.

Every time he hits himself, I stop what is going on and I take him to the spot. Since he is young, it is only 1-2 minutes long....but he doesn't talk or play with anything. At the end, I tell him that he sat in the naughty spot for hitting and we do not hit. Do you understand? He looks at me....and I ask for confirmation (yes ma'am, okay, yes) and then he can get up.

I was surprised that it worked, but it did.

I would try putting your son in a time out/naughty spot each time he throws a fit. Tell him (on the way to the spot) why he is going, and that it is unacceptable. My son seems to be understanding the correlation between hitting himself and the naughty spot and the behavior is ceasing.

Hope you find something that works.

Another reason that little children hit/bite/throw fits is because they don't have the vocabulary to express what they want. So I totally agree with the naughty spot or time out chair, and then confirming that they know why they are going to the spot. The next step that we as parents have to take is to find out why the behavior happened in the first place.

Ask them to use their words, and then maybe help the the little buggers learn  that words get them what they want/need