My ten cents for being fed up with my diet, and my biggest fear. It's time to lay it out.

Hi Girls, You all know I have posted a few rough ones and thinking post in the past. I have not really posted like this since the last post that I posed. About the weight and stuff like that.

But it is time for me to get something off my mind and the back of my ass. Now I been working my ass off supper hard. Learning the best moves and trying to share when I can.

Every time I trun around I get another damn pound to fight. If it is not that..... I get another damn pound that just wants to hold for weeks at a time.

I really get sick and tried of this shit. The diet I am on. It works like a dream when I work it like a dream. My clothes fits me loose one week, and then tight the next week. ( Dryer)

Sometimes I feel like I am in a rat race. Racing to get the cheese. To get the best cheese at the end of the maze. Now here I am. Running to class 3 to 4 days a week at the gym. AND I am tring to  lose 5 pounds per month.

5 pounds down. 5 pounds up. I have a fear that I am not going to be able to hold on to the program that I am on. I have the best work out plan for the toning. I have the best work out plan for the cardio and toning all together. I have the best diet ever. AND all I see is the numbers bouncing up and down.

I been at this for over 4 and a half months now. WORKING my ass off to get down to a size 14. I am a 14 in the wasit. These damn hips just have to have a bigger cut in the wasit. I wear a 16 now. COMING from a 20-22 and I still feel like I am going to fall off the wagon, and when I fall this time I will never be able to get back up and start over again.

I am so sick of the re-start. I am so SICK of the problems that comes my way... They set me back. I let them set me back, and then I get mad as hell at me all over again.

9 in the morning. I am on my way to work out at the gym. Later on that night I am on my way again for cardio. I get all the books and I read what this woman did.

YOU can't check out at the store with out seeing them. You get the Shape-First- and all the other mags that has a woman talking about how many pounds she lost doing this and that.

Now that is not my body tape. That is not my body map. How in the hell did she lose it? All she did was walk nothing else. Or she had a glass of water with each meal and 41grams of fiber and 25grams of protein. This is what she did. This is what he did.

That makes me mad as hell. I sit down every 2 weeks and I add more to my work out program to make it fun.

I mean really... What am I doing so wrong?

Is it my fear of fallen keeping me from winning my fat battle. Or is it my fear of winning and losing my man if I gain it all back.

Yeah. He say, no matter what you lose or what you gain I will be there for you.

I mean I know I got the best man helping me. But with all the stress how can I stay focus.

I am so pissed at myself. I feel like sometimes I need to give it all up.

Stressed and ready to give the towel to the next dieter in line.

stress. you are under so much stress that it isn't even funny!  a new hubby to be.. new car.. new house.. wedding plans.. it's no wonder you're feeling ready to give up. 

did you know that stress makes you hang on to weight?  it's an ancient defence mechanism that the body hold onto fat during periods of stress..

my suggestion is see if your gym offers any kind of stress managment classes.. like meditation.. or if it has one of those aroma therapy rooms (eucaliptis (sp?) room) and just sit in there.. my gym has one in our locker room and i tell you what 10 mintues or so in there after a work out and it's hard to get me to drive home.. i'm that relaxed. 

you need to take some time for you sweetie.. i know it's probably hard since you have all this stress and little ones around and you feel like you need to take care of everyone else first.. but you take care of you!  :)   and tell your man you need some you time.. he'll understand.. :)

((((hugs))))

Obsidyan, I had taco bell today. Not 1-2-3 I had 4 chalupas, Now I was full after I had the first 2. But I made myself force the others down with all that added stress. We don't even have the news on the house yet, and I can't bare another night with him  crying about moving the wedding date up. I told him. NO House with in a few months, no I do. I will not live in apartment with 3 kids and my dog. My dog needs yard to run, and she is having puppies.

Not only that. I don't mind moving the wedding date up. I just want to make sure I am going to be happy. I need to have a few things done to be happy.

There is nothing wrong with my SUV.. 100 dollars to fill that sucker up.

There is nothing wrong with my 4 door car either. I think he just want to give and give to me. Or he thinks I am going to leave. I am not that kind of girl.

I am there with him for the long haul, like he is there for me. But I am so sick of him doing me like this and that. Pushing me.

I need a break.. I need a big break.. I need a long break.

breath in.. breath out..

if you need a break.. then take a break!  find a baby sitter for the little uns and either take a weekend for you and the "man" or go off by yourself and pamper yourself for a bit.. there's nothing wrong with that.. :)

i really do feel for you though.. everyone goes through stressful times.. but you will prevail!  i know you will because you're one tough strong hot mama!  :) 

remember to breath.. and learn how to meditate.. it's my saving grace! 

Lynne, we have not directly chatted before, but I have been reading about your journey.  Girl you have a lot going on and of course you know that.  As Ob said - breathe.  Easier said than done, I know.  When you wake in the morning sit at the side of the bread and take 10 deep breaths.  This allows your system to prepare for the day ahead. 

Seven years ago I went through a divorce that rocked my world.  Daily I thought I would not make it.  However I came to realize that I was the only person that would take care of me.  I found the time everyday to inhale deeply through my nose and exhale slowly from my mouth.  It tuly does help center ones self. 

Right now you with all the stress you have you may be working out too much.  Remember to allow your body to recover from what you are doing. 

I admire all you are doing.  I see a lot of strength in your post.  Which tells me you are very strong and will make all of this happen for you in time. 

Take care and have a good nght!

Tammy :)

Thanks Obsidyan, and Tammy. I need to learn how to relax and take time out for me. I don't do that enough as it is. I just do enough for the kids and very little for myself, and I can't forget all that I do for him.

I am on the run all the running I do. I really do need a break.. Thanks again girls. I am going to do the things you said and add that into my Daily doings.

lynn... remember what I said about breathing, right?  You don't have to be scared and stressed.  You know we most of us learned to put a layer of food and fat between us and the world, right?  It's OK.  You don't have to insulate yourself.  I know you're driving yourself up the wall right now.  Call a time-out, woman!  When you're quiet in yourself, you know what you need.  the rest is gravy.  But you have to take care of those needs, whatever they are, so figure them out so you can quit trying to put a chalupa in teh hole that only a fenced yard (or whatever, you know) will fill.

Oh, and hug your honey, hug your kids, and hug your dog.  Then hug yourself (it's harder, but you can do it!)

OH sweetie,  ((((hugs))))

Maybe just have a sit down with your bf and tell all this.  Be honest with him.  Tell him how much you love him and want to be with him, but it just feels like everything is happening at once (which it is).  Maybe concentrate on the house first, work on setting a wedding date after you get the house situated.  Marriage is about compromise, trust, understanding, PATIENTS and love.  Sounds like you have all the ingredients, the two of you just need to tweak it a bit so that it fits you both better.  I hope this is making sense I have been up since 3:45am (not the norm for me - see post in lounge for Tonsillectomy)

You are doing so great with your weight loss.  I can't wait till I see a 16 again.  Girl you are practically there.  You just keep doing your exercises and keeping those calories down as much as you can (not too low though).  I have given up so many times before and each time, I beat myself up for it.  I have wasted so much of my life doing this.  I REFUSE to live the rest of my life that way.  Life is just too darn short and precious to be abusing myself (inactivity, junk food, and emotional boxing matches).  Lets face it, we are hurting the people we love too when they have to watch us do this to ourselves let alone if others are doing it too us. 

You are a wonderful, strong, beautiful, YOUNG woman who DESERVES to be happy EVERY DAY!!!!  Start by being good to yourself and LOVING YOU.

Everything will fall into place, just keep plugging away at it.  You are doing great!!!

((((((BIG HUGS)))))

Trish      

Trish, I feel that i am off my rocker on this one. I am running all day long. I am trying to keep up with my father, and my man. In this small business that me and my father runs. Then I got my part time job, and the other things that I do.

The stress is too much.

I got to things I can do. Eat or fight the food. So I am fighting the food. A good friend of my father works for GOOD WILL, and he brings my father jeans all the time. Well I told him to get me some 18, and I love the jeans. But Guess what. They  will not come past my hips. I was GOING out of my mind. Then I called my girl friend, and I told her about it.. She said 181/2 and you can't get them on. I said no. SHE said wrong cut.. We put them up to some 12's I have here and dammit.. IF they are not taged wrong.

Arizona jeans, They are cut wrong or I done gain some weight out of the ass. I put on my other 18's and they are loose. SO now I am freaking. I think my kid can wear these jeans, but I love them

SO I got 2 things I can do. I can get on the road and whip these pounds off of me. Because I really like the art work that is on these jeans. Or just give it up.

5 dollars per pair. I got 4 of them, and they can't fit. I am so pissed. I am going to have to get over it and work my ass off.

AND these are not the first pair that are cut wrong or the last pair. I just want to just say.. YOU know BLEEP IT.. But I am not. Them jeans done gave me one hell of a kick in the butt..

Oh I need hugs... SUPPER HUGS>>>>> :(

((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))    ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

ok, can you still breathe?  i know you ARE going to wear those jeans.  you know how to do it now, and you have to be patient, patient, patient.  it's gonna happen.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((h ugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yeah, I know what you mean. I will wear them.. I am just going nuts over here.

Breathe, girl......everything is going to work out just fine.  After 31 years of marriage...my husband and I still take the time to get a room for the night just to have time for self...to pamper ourselves and to regroup.....come back to each other refreshed and ready to shower each other with more love and attention.....battle any problems that we might have to work on.

You might not want to have an overnight room....but go splurge...love yourself a little bit.....if nothing else....go to a movie.

Remember, this is a life style change that we are in......relax and don't watch the scales so intently but just keep eating right and exercising.......you know that our body decieves us.....so if you don't watch the scale....your body would have went through the 5 pound up and down cycle without upsetting you....but you know that as the cycle breaks...the weight is totally down.......so focus on your foods and exercise only, while you have these stressors in your life.

Heya Lynn60gonow

You need to mellow out a bit.  While the fad diets may promise that you'll lose umpteen pounds in just seconds this calorie counting thing is the only real way to do it that works.

Unfortunately it's also one that is slow and methodical, a challenge for you to tackle each day where you try to stay within your caloric target while still feeling full and satisfied.  5 lbs per month isn't that unreasonable; heck I've lost more than that and I'm not doing even close to the kind of physical activity that you are.

If I could make a suggestion it would be perhaps to chill out on the excercise.  It sounds like you are pushing yourself quite hard (running to cardio class?).  Recommended excercise for staying fit is 2 hours of vigorious excercise three times per week.  Sounds like you're putting in more than double that in one day.

The one thing about excercise, is that it makes you HUNGRY because you are revving your metabolism.  If you are doing 4 hours of vigorous excercise every day and trying to maintain a caloric limit that may just be too much for you, burning the candle at both ends.  Sounds like I may be close because in your story you are talking about "fighting the food".

Obviously doing a lot of excercise wont HURT you but you may want to stop, take a deep breath and give your body a chance to get used to one thing at a time.  Maybe chill the excercise down to 3 good sessions per week and work on finding foods that fill you up that have very few calories.

Also your main goal has to do with fitting a certain waist size.  Remember that where you put the weight on first is where you will lose it last and your body will fight losing the excess fat more and more as you have less left to lose.  The midsection, thighs and buttocks will be the last to go after your friends and collagues notice that you look different because your face, neck, upper arms and lower thighs are much thinner, when you look down at the waist and see little to no difference.

Perhaps relax your goals down to trying to just stay on target and only hit the scale once every 7 days.  I get odd fluctuations of up to 4 pounds up or down sometmes (I always weigh myself in undies first thing in the morning after going to the bathroom so it should be somewhat stable) and while its confusing and sometimes frustrating, I try to keep it all in focus in that if I just meet my caloric deficit every day my body has no choice other than to burn fat so it will all even out in the end.

Some things that might help you fight the food:

- Diet Sodas.  Tastes sweet, fills you up and zero calories.  Knock juices, energy drinks, replace your thirst quencher with diet soda.  Personally i saved 650 calories this way... and i was drinking orange juice

- Fruits like strawberries for snacks.  A whole clear plastic 2 dollar box of strawberries has 80 calories.  Versus a chocolate bar at 200.  Replace your snacks with big juicy tasty fruits but check the calorie level first.  I find i eat a whole box of strawberries and I'm stuffed.  A lot more stuffed than if I ate a chocolate bar.

- Proteins.  I found that the calories in a 7 oz inside round select steak are the same as in 1 cup of cooked rigatoni.  I'll tell you, the steak certainly is more satisfying than 5 forkfuls of pasta.  Sub lowfat proteins for starches and you'll be amazed at how much fuller you feel.  Plus theres research that shows that proteins take more energy to burn than carbs and that a higher amount of protein in your diet puts your body into a higher metabolism mode.  Dont go Atkins or anything crazy like that.  Just watch your starches.

- Variety.  A dinner with a half baked potato, a 7 oz steak, a light chef salad with some cold cuts, a bit of dressing and some microwaved veggies has the same amount of calories as just 2 cups of rigatoni.  I could wolf back the rigatoni for dinner and sit around famished, but the dinner above with a little paprika makes me feel stuffed.  Meals with lots of different flavours and tastes are more satisfying than bulk-type single food meals.

- Dont fall into the toast trap.  Bread is 70cals per slice.  Add a bit of margarine and it's a 100 per slice... And it doesnt fill you up at all, just gets your stomach growling and makes you more hungry.  If you really need a snack eat an apple.  A medium apple has 72 calories and 10 times the "fill up" factor.

Hope this helps, dont give up lynn.

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