LOCKED TOPIC

Termination topic - I made a decision

Oh my goodness.  I have gone cross eyed reading all five pages of posts.  Well, at least I dont feel so alone on this anymore!

Firstly, I would like to address some issues.  I appologise for initially posting in this forum.  I am ignorant on how the lounge works, and went under what I thought was the appropriate heading, however failing to think about the fact that most members in this area would be parents and wannabe parents.

the topic was not intended to spark any debates, about pro choice vrs pro life, about overpopulation and the pros of adoption vrs abortion.  I simply wanted a little bit of support and advice, which I have found particulary from the couple of people who have PMd me.  So thank you very much for sharing your intensly private stories with me, it has helped me immensly.

I am disgusted at the amount of scare tactics, emotional blackmailing and use of provocative words such as 'murderer' used against me to try to stop me having an abortion and I sincerly thank those (particularly pg) for standing up for me when I didnt feel strong enough to stand up for myself.  For gods sakes, if you couldnt tell I am clearly upset and going through a traumatic time.  Those sorts of tactics simply made me more upset, self loathing and confused.  good one.

I appologise for my comment about adoption.  It certainly is a valid and viable option.  Just not for me.

So, my decision?  Well, I was originally booked in for a termination appointment last thursday.  Yesterday I decided I couldnt wait that long and moved it forward to this morning.

I never showed up.

I realised that my husband and I are more than capeable of taking care of and loving and adoring a baby.  It has come much much sooner than we would have liked, however, if we did abort, we would try again later.  and with that reasoning, that we do actually want a child, its just a matter of timing, I decided to suck it up and go through with it.  I dont know whats going to happen.  Just like having an abortion, keeping the baby is going to have a huge effect too.  Our relationship will certainly struggle under the pressure and strain of another pregnancy.  Financially I just dont know how we will survive (Secaly just who ARE these people that would pay me not to have an abortion and how do they help me???!!!) but we are going to see what happens.

Abortion is a very valid, moral, responsible option.  Isnt it funny how pro choicers are about having a choice, whereas pro lifers are about taking away a choice.

Right now, I am tired.  I feel sick.  My boobs hurt and I am depressed.  I resent being pregnant, but I know I will never resent my child once I have met it.

By the way, I do not believe there is a hell of much difference between taking the pill and having an abortion.  at this stage the so called baby is just a smattering of blood 2mm for gods sakes.  I do not belive that is killing a baby and i certainly do not appreciate being called a murderer.

Once again, this is pretty lenghty, but I felt i needed to address some things that have come up.

Thank you very very much everyone for all your caring support

xo

good for you, tani.  you've made a thoughtful, informed, rational decison for you and your family.  congratulations .

Congratulations tani. I wish you all the best! Much love to you xox

I just want you to know that I am very happy for you. I know there was a lot of stuff going on in the forum, and can only imagine how I would feel if it were me. I believe you will make an awesome mother again this time around. My parents had us all back to back, and I'm sure at least 1 was not one that was planned. But I think they are also very glad at the same time that they were able to have an empty nest sooner. I hope you take good care of yourself and enjoy your family with everything that is in you!

"Isnt it funny how pro choicers are about having a choice, whereas pro lifers are about taking away a choice."

I am sorry that you feel that way.  As a "pro-lifer" I simply feel that the choice comes before conception, not after. 

Anyway- I watch my one year old terrorrize the house and feel a pang every day because I spent the first few months of that pregnancy wishing for a miscarriage.  It was an awful pregnancy that landed me in the hospital on numerous occassions.  Simply put- I can totally sympatize and empathize with your feelings about facing this pregnancy.  I had one dream when I was pregnant, about holding a little baby boy.  After that I was resigned to my circumstances.  There was a very powerful moment though, as I held that newborn boy.  Wow!  Up until that moment, I don't think that I ever felt love that profoundly (and I do have other children).  It felt kind of like a "Thank you, we'll do alright together".  Can't even explain it.  Still feel guilty over those first few months though! 

Hopefully the tired feelings, sore boobs, and naseousness will limit themselves to your first trimester.  Sometimes those middle three months can be very restoritive physically and mentally, in preperation for the final hurdle. 

Everybody answered the other thread out of love and concern, for both of you. 

Good for you tani!  I am happy that you have been able to make a thoughtful and informed decision!  You are going to make a great mom (again)! 

good luck tani :)

Tani <3 congratulations. 

love and light, girl, love and light.

((tani))

Original Post by tani24:

Abortion is a very valid, moral, responsible option.  Isnt it funny how pro choicers are about having a choice, whereas pro lifers are about taking away a choice.

I'm sorry you feel that way, however I am so happy for your family! 

When my sister delivered her last child she had a tubal ligation.  You may want to consider that.  You don't have to do anything else for birth control :)

Best to you and your family.

Congratulations on embracing your soon to be new bundle of joy. Keep us posted.

Also I don't knwo if anyone else mentioned this. But I've heard that your pregnancies may not be the same, a woman can have a one really hard one and then have a different easier pregnancy. I pray that you have a great pregnancy, delivery and helathy baby.

Good for you for making your own decesion on your own terms!  Honestly, to heck with everyone else and thier opnions.  When you boil it all down it's all about what is best for you and what you can live with.  I'm very proud of you for taking a step back and really honestly thinking about what is best for you and your husband and considering all of your options before making a decesion! :)

It's not always the easiest thing to do and SHAME on ANYONE who called you names or sad bad things about you.  I think that people need to remember that they need to walk in someone's shoes before they can pass judgement!

I think in the end when you meet your beautiful baby you will see that it was all worth it.  Best of luck to you; and your family!

Good luck. I hope you have a more pleasant pregnancy than last time.

Wow, you must feel a load off your shoulders.  Once a decision is made you can go on with that direction in your life.

Like I said before in my first post.  You will be done that much sooner and the kids will grow up together.  Try to take some comfort in that.

As for finances, the money comes somehow.  I'm a stay at home mom and with one salary coming in you learn the meaning of saving and cutting back.

Good luck to you and I hope your delivery will go smooth and FAST.

Congratulations tani :)

I was 21 when I had my first baby, and I stayed at home with him even though it was really tough financially. I got pregnant (I don't recommend the "rhythm method" of birth control!) and was very upset and scared because finances were already so tight and hub and I weren't exactly happily married at that point. Married yes, happy, not at all.

After having a few days to calm down and accept it, I began to get excited for the birth of my baby. Which made it all the harder when I lost the baby at 3 months along.

I know how hard it is when you and your spouse are fighting and the money just isn't there. But I also know where there's a will there's a way. I wish you all the best of luck.

-btw, although I went on to have 2 more miscarriages, I now have 3 beautiful children and hub and I will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary next month :)

Best Wishes :)

I am glad you made the decision you made, no baby is a mistake and I do believe every child has an opportunity to have a chance to live, since he/she did not ask to be brought into this world. I would of suggested adoption because since I don't believe in abortion, I put my baby up for adoption to a family who could not have children and she went to a good family, she is taken care of better then I could of ever taken care of her at that time and age.  Granted I am not for abortion at all but God does give us free will and that is what people don't understand is that their is free will to make the decision we want to make regardless if the individual has the same beliefs as I or not.  Judy, you will not regret your decision and please don't regret it, your baby is a gift to you and your husband.  Good Luck and Take care of yourself.

Kristine M Lewis

I didn't get to read through your other post, but as a mother of two (who is Irish Roman Catholic, but pro-choice!) I pray that this pregnancy will ease and you will adore and appreciate your baby when it makes an appearance. Life is never what we expect, and circumstances arise all the time that throw us. I hope that you're more at peace with yourself now the decision has been made, and you can relax and maybe even enjoy this special time? I hope so.

Best wishes. XxX

Holy crap, where was I for the other thread?? I would have given anyone a virtual punch to the face for giving you trouble over considering an abortion.

Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope everything works out well.

You have made a very difficult decision and I wish you all the best.  There are many women who can walk in your shoes. 

As for finances.  Don't forget that you already have a lot of what you'll need; crib, stroller, car seat, clothes, etc.  and don't forget that babies dont need much!  It's society that tries to make us think that babies need all the latest gadgets.  The only thing that a baby wants is to loved, that's it. 

Take it day to day.  You and your family will be just fine.