LOCKED TOPIC

Termination topic - I made a decision

Oh my goodness.  I have gone cross eyed reading all five pages of posts.  Well, at least I dont feel so alone on this anymore!

Firstly, I would like to address some issues.  I appologise for initially posting in this forum.  I am ignorant on how the lounge works, and went under what I thought was the appropriate heading, however failing to think about the fact that most members in this area would be parents and wannabe parents.

the topic was not intended to spark any debates, about pro choice vrs pro life, about overpopulation and the pros of adoption vrs abortion.  I simply wanted a little bit of support and advice, which I have found particulary from the couple of people who have PMd me.  So thank you very much for sharing your intensly private stories with me, it has helped me immensly.

I am disgusted at the amount of scare tactics, emotional blackmailing and use of provocative words such as 'murderer' used against me to try to stop me having an abortion and I sincerly thank those (particularly pg) for standing up for me when I didnt feel strong enough to stand up for myself.  For gods sakes, if you couldnt tell I am clearly upset and going through a traumatic time.  Those sorts of tactics simply made me more upset, self loathing and confused.  good one.

I appologise for my comment about adoption.  It certainly is a valid and viable option.  Just not for me.

So, my decision?  Well, I was originally booked in for a termination appointment last thursday.  Yesterday I decided I couldnt wait that long and moved it forward to this morning.

I never showed up.

I realised that my husband and I are more than capeable of taking care of and loving and adoring a baby.  It has come much much sooner than we would have liked, however, if we did abort, we would try again later.  and with that reasoning, that we do actually want a child, its just a matter of timing, I decided to suck it up and go through with it.  I dont know whats going to happen.  Just like having an abortion, keeping the baby is going to have a huge effect too.  Our relationship will certainly struggle under the pressure and strain of another pregnancy.  Financially I just dont know how we will survive (Secaly just who ARE these people that would pay me not to have an abortion and how do they help me???!!!) but we are going to see what happens.

Abortion is a very valid, moral, responsible option.  Isnt it funny how pro choicers are about having a choice, whereas pro lifers are about taking away a choice.

Right now, I am tired.  I feel sick.  My boobs hurt and I am depressed.  I resent being pregnant, but I know I will never resent my child once I have met it.

By the way, I do not believe there is a hell of much difference between taking the pill and having an abortion.  at this stage the so called baby is just a smattering of blood 2mm for gods sakes.  I do not belive that is killing a baby and i certainly do not appreciate being called a murderer.

Once again, this is pretty lenghty, but I felt i needed to address some things that have come up.

Thank you very very much everyone for all your caring support

xo

Cecily, I never "threatened" anyone on this board.  You may want to re-read my posts.  I also never made any inflammatory remarks.  If you want to call "my" remarks inflammatory, you may want to recognize the ones that were made about my "forgetting" to take my medication...and one even used the "f......" word.  I can see that we have quite a few hypocrites on this board...now THAT was made to be inflammatory.  The only point I tried to make was that the woman "asked" for advice on a "moral" issue...and then people got "upset" when they gave her "moral" advice.  Duh...and then that same woman was "rude" to those that she did not LIKE their advice.  After sitting and reading all the "inflammatory" posts condemning people for using "religion" to make their decision of "pro-life"...I think I had every right to say that I thought Tani owed those "loving" women an apology.  How is that inflammatory?  And how is it INFLAMMATORY to ask someone to make a CHOICE before you have sex...rather than a choice afterward to kill an unborn baby?  I saw it as not coddling, or enabling...yet another woman to use abortion as "planned parenthood."  I wouldn't want to comment on this board anymore regardless.  I try to refrain from talking in circles with people just want to hear "happy" words for the mother who leaves such an important thing as CREATING A LIFE...to FATE.  I never heard ANYONE on this board....(I'm not speaking of the other board at this point, because I know there were a few who did)...but on THIS board...I never heard one LOVING WOMAN...speak for the UNBORN child.  But...I bet they'd sure come to the aid of an animal....or Peta!  It could almost make you shake your head and laugh if there wasn't an INNOCENT child involved...who had no say in the matter.  Block me....and good riddance!  I'll just continue to use the calorie count part of this web site.  Unless PRO-LIFER'S aren't allowed to do that either.  Let me know...there are plenty more sites that do the same thing.  I'd be happy to bail.  You're obviously a "moderator" who only sees ONE SIDE of an issue..otherwise you would have mentioned their INFLAMMATORY REMARKS against me.  And...you would have read my posts and seen that I never made a threat toward anyone.  Maybe YOU need to look up the term "moderate"....it was your one big SOLOMON moment....and you blew it.

i love those massive, manic, paragraph-less posts, because i feel no inclination whatsoever to read them.  like, not even the first line.  i just scroll on past and think nasty but amusing thoughts.

I wish I had a photographic memory to respond to all those REDICULOUS comments tia.  I cant say I am offended, they are sooo way off I actually giggled through them.

I am sorry that this has seemed to affect you so deeply and has troubled you to this extent.  Perhaps you should look into some form of stress relief, I find yoga really helps me.

I am horrified to think you believe I owe everyone an appology.  I distincly remember THANKING everyone for their loving caring support.  pro choicers and pro lifers.  what I didnt appreciate was people attacking me and other people and making rediculous assumptions, threats, and using emotional blackmail and provocative words such as being called a murderer etc.  I think those are the people that owe an appology.

Im not going to say im not immature and self centred.  I am going to say I am the LEAST immature and self centred 26year old I know though.  While all my other friends are out there pleasing themselves, travelling wherever in the world, partying as much as they like, seeing whoever they like or dont like, eating or not eating when they like, spending as much money as they like (as every 20somthing should) I on the other hand cannot indulge like that anymore, I am part of a team.  A family.  I cant remember the last time I did something simply FOR MYSELF.  (Actually, this reminds me, on one hand you call me self centred then the next you say I am dependant and reliant on my husband? isnt that contradictory).  Everything I do, every move I make, I am thinking about how it will effect my daughter and my husband.  and he does the same, its just a natural part of being a family and a marriage.  I talk about my husband in this decision because he is a huge part of it.  as a team, we need to be on the same side in order to be supportive and get through it.  Of course I cAre what he thinks, just as much as he cares about what decisions we make are going to hurt or affect me.  Its none of my business how other peoples marriages work, what is good for you may not be good for me, but my husband and his opinions and his happiness is an enormous part of my life.  I should never be made to feel this is wrong?!

In terms of being self centred for the post, well yeah.  Im sorry I am.  I didnt ask for a huge debate, I havnt been following it every minute of every day, I tune in and catch up when I can but I have a business and a family to run.  So when I ignore much of the debate and let those who want to know about my decision, if thats being self centred then i dont care.

Lastly, I would challenge you to read a little closer to my posts.  At no time have I ever claimed this all to be an 'ooopsy'.  I have always taken full responsiblilty for what has happened.  I do this as a mature and responsible adult.  nOt an immature and self centred whatever you call me.  I think its funny that you think we are rulled by our loins!  My husband and my sex life is none of your business!  Please dont make public assumptions about it.  I never said I was on the pill.  For 3 years we have successfully avoided conception, I know exactly when we are ovulating, and at those times we use condoms.  There is however a risky period before ovulation, where it is possible for sperm to live inside, in wait of a release of an egg.  its unlikely but slightly possible.  Its at this point, a week before ovulation that I took a calculated risk of not using a condom.  It is my fault, completely (well, hubby could have insisted so not entirely) and I take responsiblity for it.  in my mind taking responsibilty for it means facing my options head on.  I believe I did that in a mature and selfless manner.

Once again, thank you soo so much for those who have given their support.  it really does help me not feel so alone, in a subject I havnt shared with barely anyone else.

to all those that are going waaay off topic and are becoming hurtful, please give it a rest, go and examine and attack your own life.  Have a cup of cammomile tea and a peice of chocolate.  Go for a walk in some nature.  Have sex.  Read a good book.  Relax and let it go.

Arohanui, kia ora

thanks so much again.  (This topic will probably be locked.)

See Cecily?  pgeorgian was just INFLAMMATORY in her remarks, calling my post "manic"....care to read the rules again to pg?  As if anyone cared if she could read or not.  If she reads like she references web sites, it's no wonder she skips the deep stuff, logical stuff.....wouldn't want to confuse!   Now how about asking pgeorgian to act "loving" because that's what another poster said this board is for....go ahead..."moderate."  That's what you do...isn't it?

i didn't call your post manic.  i would have to read your post to make that determination, and i have no intention of reading what appears to be the work of an irrational, disorganized, possibly crazed mind.

if you were a patient on the ward here, i'd read it; but i'd be getting paid to do so.  then, it would be worthwhile.

ah, way off topic.  seriously though, go relax, clearly waaay to worked up.  I hope you find some peace soon xo

Tani....I laid awake in bed last night after I wrote you that post and I felt very sorry that I did.  I shouldn't have pointed my anger at you...my anger was at the flippant way this BABY (not a fetus!) was discussed.  And after reading your original post...and saying you "left it up to FATE"....it bothered me that you would take the consequences of such an intimate act, and think, "Okay...now is the time to do 'planned' parenting... do I want to be a parent again or don't I?"  

I also got very upset with the responses by people like pgeorgian to people who offered you a MORAL opinion...and she thinks she has a right to push her SECULAR opinion.  Why is her opinion any better?  When I saw you single pg out...for a "commendation," on her posts...it caused me to nearly lose my dinner.  This person was the "inflammatory" one if you read the posts...and citing all the web sites on over population...give me a break.  Why, that same pg even said she can't read past the FIRST LINE of a long post.  And you're going to commend HER for great advice?  

I'm deliberately typing in "paragraphs" to help the poor girl out on this very post.  

You're right that your sex life is not my business, and so I would just ask that people come to understand by reading ALL OF THE SERIOUS....posts...where it's clear that some women were really frightened by the idea that you would terminate your baby....that ABORTION is a HOT BUTTON TOPIC...and shouldn't be discussed on a public board.  I kept asking myself last night, "Why would this woman write to STRANGERS ON A BOARD to ask what they would do?"  And now, you tell me how supportive your husband is....thankfully....why not just discuss it with HIM then?  As an older woman, I would say that I hope you've learned from this experience that you can't just throw something that SERIOUS...that CONCERNING to woman of all walks of life....and NOT expect HEATED DEBATE...to do so is to be very naive, indeed.

I AM sorry for my anger at you last night.  I acted as if I had no compassion on your situation...and I do.  I let my anger get the best of me, and I tend to have a real mouth on me when I get mad.  My friends always tell me they don't ever want me to get mad at them...unfortunately I haven't mastered the tactfulness of holding my opinion back.  I speak first, sadly, and am sometimes very sorry for my words.  This was one of those occasions.  I did go back and read your post, and I noticed that you did thank also the PRO-LIFER'S...so I was wrong...you were correct.  It makes me feel good to see that you said that, because some of those women...and I took the time to read them all....really seemed to SEARCH for the right words and advice to give you.  And, while some on the board may have wanted to keep ridiculing them for their "religion"....the advice they gave was given in pure love and concern for you.

I do not, however, apologize in the least to people who call themselves "moderators" and then don't moderate...or to people like pgeorgian who step into a conversation she wasn't asked to step into...and then complains that she can't read.  Oh well, sucks to be you!  

Again...Tani...I won't post again to you...but I wanted you to know that I lost some sleep because of my ignorance...and my unloving spirit toward you.  I never had children...maybe having my hysterectomy makes me a little more prone to people talking about snuffing out what I call a "baby"...that's what we called it many years ago until planned parenthood decided to use the word "fetus" in order to DESENSITIZE people to what it really is.  In case people haven't read the headlines in the past few months...they've had more than one "fetus" delivered at 5 mos, and they're living, and just fine; have all their fingers; toes; lungs are working...etc.  Yet I saw some pro-choice marchers on tv wanting to keep "late term abortion" as a legal issue...because if they do away with that, they may do away with ALL abortions.  Imbeciles!  There's no other word for it.  Makes me wonder how those same women feel about Scott Peterson being in prison for TWO DEATH PENALTIES... one for his wife, and one for a "non-viable fetus????"  Blind.  They're definitely not living "Amazing Grace" cuz they STILL are blind...and they CAN'T see!"

Just do what YOU AND YOUR FAMILY decide to do...and then remember how blessed you are to live in a great country...with a great family....and to be able to have children.  Your glass is HALF FULL.....you don't have any problems.  You only have problems if you CHOOSE to SEE them as problems.  Some of us choose to see them as OPPORTUNITIES.  Make the most of it....

Moderator....I said my peace...apologized to Tani...now maybe you may want to "moderate" and keep the "sharks" (pg) away from inflaming the situation.  I won't post again.  

Have a good life Tani...it's what YOU make it.

Linda

Tiamoaz, I never specifically named who I felt was being inflammatory, and there were other posts from other members as you have pointed out.  The warning was a blanket statement to ALL members to please stay on topic.  This thread has devolved into another argument in spite of that, so it will now be locked so as not to further any more inflammatory comments and/or arguments.