terrible binging

i must set new records in the category of disgusting post-ano binging.

for the past month and 1/2, i've been binging more days than not. the trend is that i'll not eat all day, then decide "okay you can eat 150-200 calories" so ill eat something like tofu and a banana or a dry salad with an apple. but then whoooosh. i can't stop eating once i start, and i get so unbelievably full its hard to breathe and my heart rate speeds up.

when i binge i easily eat 5000 calories. no lie. its insane and i feel so gross i can't stand it. peanut butter is the main demon...i can kill an entire jar in one-two days. god, i remember when i wouldn't even LOOK at peanut butter because it was off-limits. where has my self-control gone?!

the sad thing is that only a few months ago i was 95 lbs and thought that 800 calories a day was an insane amount for a person to eat in one day. once i started "recovering" from anorexia, i just couldn't stop eating once normal hunger came back and now its a habit. i'm 5'6'' and 130 lbs right now (although some of that weight might be water weight from binging. one can only hope)

has anybody who flipped from anorexia to binge eating recovered? all i want to do is go back to eating 200 cals a day and loose at least 20 lbs. but everytime i try i do okay for a day or two then it's back to binging.

i hate how i am now. i haven't had my period in a year, i can't just be normal. i'm either anorexic or a fat pig. i don't think i'll ever look at food the way normal people do. its a constant battle, whether i'm on the anorexic side or the binging side. either way i'm constantly obsessing over food and my body image. is there any hope?

 

Looking at this objectively, if you go back to eating 200 calories a day which you MUST know is dangerous and extremely unhealthy, you'll also then be setting yourself up for more binging. Your body is going to do whatever it can to get nutrients and food back into your system once you've starved it and then allow it to eat again. Bottom line, you cannot live on 200 calories a day. Your body is going to fight back to survive and make you eat.

Are you under any kind of medical care right now? You need to find a healthy amount of calories to eat EVERY day (at the VERY minimum 1200 - probably more for you.) Not 200 one day and 5000 the next. I think deep down inside you know this and there's hope for you. Good luck to you.

Theres always hope.

First off - relax. When you have a bad day write it off & start afresh the day. I've delt with the binging side of things but not the anorexia, so sorry if I get this wrong.

Getting out of the binging habit is hard. Really you need to plan in advance your days meals & snacks to fit into your calorie allowance. Thats what I found has helped. Don't deprive yourself anything though, work it into your daily plan - ie: My mum bought some cinammon danish pastries the other day, I worked it into my food plan for the day & didn't put on weight. If you do deprive yourself stuff it will blow up into a binge. But when you do eat you need to plan a healthy balanced portion & then STOP. I tell myself "You've had a good meal now thats enough".

By all means have your peanut butter & try to learn to stick to a portion (I usually have 25-30g a day if I have it). If it is too much of a problem, don't have it in the house.

Just please make sure you are not eating too little.

You've come so far already. It'll get better.

thanks to both of you-its definitely great advice.

i'm used to "planning" what i eat in advance from anorexia...but it's always been in the 100-400 cal range. the idea of actually PLANNING to eat more than that is so hard for me to accept (i know that sounds weird since when i break my 'plan' i eat a trillion calories), especially when i feel as though i need to loose weight. i have a mental block on the idea that i can lose weight on anything more than 500 cals, even with exercise. or at least, not fast enough.

but again, thank you both...i'll try looking up some meal plans online and try to stick to it. i know my body must be so tired of the crap i put it through, and that i should try to eat within some sort of remotely healthy range instead of teetering between two sickening extremes. 

 

and to answer the question about medical care, no. my parents threatened to send me away for medical care, an idea i hated, so i started eating again. that's where this all began. if it wasn't for their threats, i'd probably still be not eating now...

Glad to hear your parents are involved and concerned about your health.

You are battling a disease that really needs outside medical assistance before it gets more out of control. Could you talk to your parents and ask to see a nutritionist or a therapist on an outpatient basis? It sounds to me like they'd be happy to help esp. if they were so worried about you that they wanted to send you away for medical intervention. They would probably be relieved that you want the help even as an outpatient. That is, if you really do want help which I hope you do.

It sounds like you are having difficulty battling this alone. Get it under control with professional help before it totally wrecks your life. There are lots of people here that will tell you this from experience.

No one should have to live like this and you deserve a better life.

Most ED's are fueled by extremes. It's the extremities that set you up for disaster. Either by eating WAY WAY WAY too much, or eating WAY WAY WAY too little.

The key to recovering from a binge is NOT RESTRICTING the next day. Just go on normally, eat your normal amount that you should be eating.

When you restrict calories its that much more likely your going to binge the next time you see that bread/peanutbutter/etc... Its your body craving carbs because no one can exist on 200 calories!

Hi Leelee,

I used to be in your shoes. When I was 15 I developed anorexia. I'm 5'7 and my lowest weight was 90 pounds. For the longest time I didn't believe I was sick at all until I went to get a physical to play field hockey for my high school team. My doctor would not clear me, instead she told me I was dying. It was that day that I decided to turn my eating around and gain.

At first it was incredibly hard to eat enough. My stomach had shrunk to nearly nothing so eating physically hurt me. Slowly though, my stomach stretched and as a result my appetite grew. Then I lost control. I was constantly hungry. No matter how much I fought it I couldn't stop eating. I remember getting up in the night starving and consuming copious amounts of food in the pantry (peanut butter was a favorite of mine too). I would leave notes on the kitchen counter telling my mom how scared and frustrated I was. In about 4 months I went from 90 pounds to 150.

Then the tables turned again. I got the chance to travel to Kenya to volunteer in an orphanage. I think it was the combination of being completely distracted by people's life issues that were greater than mine and walking and running and playing with the kids that lead me to loose ten pounds. It's been a year and a half since then and I'm back down to 125.

Food is still a huge issue for me. I count my calories and feel terrible when I go over my limits (which is often). Sometimes, if i feel like I've eaten too much in a day I will decline my friends invitations to go out in the evening because I'm scared of consuming even more. However, with a lot of time, work, and unfortunately a lot of tears I'm much better off than I was before. I overcame anorexia and I overcame binging and I'm closer than ever from being free from body issues entirely.

I'm sorry for the long winded story but you asked if anyone had recovered from anorexia and binging. I have and you will to.

My advice is to find something that makes you happy. Make sure it's something completely unrelated to food or your body. Horseback riding? volunteering? rock climbing? If you focus on something else and give yourself a break food can slowly become less important.

Whew!

schmoo, thank you for your story. it def. helps to hear somebody else's story...and then hear that they overcame it. today i ate 700 calories, which may still seem like undereating but it's a lot for me to actually consciously eat (ei, not binging but actually mindfully choosing to eat). i hope i can keep this going; planning out my meals seems to help. if i have a plan and stick to it, i don't feel so guilty for eating a remotely normal meal rather than my usual 100-calorie 'meals.' i'll keep posting if i start relapsing either way. it really helps having support/advice from people who actually understand. my parents can only help so much, because i know deep down they must just think "what's so hard about eating normally?" and honestly, i can't begin to explain why it's so hard, but at least i'm not the only girl who's had serious food issues.

dude i hae the same problem. in fact you kinda sound alot like me. i am almost 5'7 and i am 126 right now. i've been trying to lose weight for like ever. i do the same thing. i like dont' eat barley anything. jsut like dry special k and diet coke and salads and then when im starving i just mean to eat like i ice cream bar and i end up eating like 2000 cals worth of food. then i throw it all up 10 mins later. lol it sucks. im starting today to stop doing that thoguh. im just going to keep resisting. im on adderall right now and that helps. bc it makes you not half as hungry. i wanna lose another 15 lbs before school starts.

i definitely agree planning is a good idea. and if not planning out your meals exactly, then i think tracking what you eat, but with a healthy amount of calories as the goal, is good. that's basically what i've been doing. it gives me that similar impression of control i had when i was really bad into my ED and desperately trying not to go above 200 a day. but at least now i'm getting healthy.

NUTELLA....all I can say is that I must not purchase this stuff as the biggest jar only last 3 days in my sight......EWE!!

Anybody else have weird food behaviors/binging?