test for eligibility for parenthood

most of us have said it at some point: there should be a test.  so, if you were going to create the test that would determine whether or not people were suitable candidates for reproduction, what questions would you ask?

I think parenting education should be taught in highschool, where the tests would be obvious.

1. are you ready to think of someone besides yourself?
2. do bodily functions totally gross you out?..because poop really doesn't smell better when it is your baby's.

aw, c'mon ('gator).  play along!  if there were a licensing process for fertility for adults...

"You need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - he**, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a***** be a father."

Do you live with your parents?

Do you do drugs and drink to excess?

Have you ever physically hit your mate?

Do you have and intend to keep an effing job?

Did you get pregnant by design or by irresponsible sexual practices?

Do you know who the baby daddy is?

If not, can we count the possibilities on one hand?

Now let's do some math and economics drills...............

Are you able to function on less then 5 hrs sleep?

Do you have a degree in engineering?(some of those toy packages are brutal)

Did you fail Gr. 10 math?

How artisicly inclined are you?

Original Post by spuckine1:

Are you able to function on less then 5 hrs sleep?

Do you have a degree in engineering?(some of those toy packages are brutal)

Did you fail Gr. 10 math?

How artisicly inclined are you?

 

 No, No, YES!, and yeah I'm ok in the art department.

I guess that's what helped baby girl survive. She's 15 now LOL. . . (just don't ask me for help with your math, kid)

Heh. There's no point in taking the test once you've knocked yourself up.

but if such a thing were at all possible....

Which of the following is true: (because all state licensing tests seem to be multiple choice)

A) A child needs a proper education.
B) A child needs a stable environment.
C) A child needs a well-balanced and healthy diet.
D) All of the above. 

Original Post by kathygator:

Which of the following is true: (because all state licensing tests seem to be multiple choice)

A) A child needs a proper education.
B) A child needs a stable environment.
C) A child needs a well-balanced and healthy diet.
D) All of the above. 

 

Derrrrr.... is there an option E?

You've just been asked for a cell phone by your 10 year old daughter. Do you

A) Laugh hysterically and turn the radio up.
B) Design a spreadsheet that shows exactly how expensive an abused cell phone would be.
C) Dangle the possiblity of the cell phone as reward for something challenging.
D) All of the above.

Original Post by kathygator:

You've just been asked for a cell phone by your 10 year old daughter. Do you

A) Laugh hysterically and turn the radio up.
B) Design a spreadsheet that shows exactly how expensive an abused cell phone would be.
C) Dangle the possiblity of the cell phone as reward for something challenging.
D) All of the above.

Dealing with this one right now and she's only 9 1/2

Original Post by kathygator:

Heh. There's no point in taking the test once you've knocked yourself up.

but if such a thing were at all possible....

Which of the following is true: (because all state licensing tests seem to be multiple choice)

A) A child needs a proper education.
B) A child needs a stable environment.
C) A child needs a well-balanced and healthy diet.
D) All of the above. 

 

 unfortunatly, I don't think many PTB will know what some of those ARE.

Stupid multiple choice. Cause you know that's how it would end up.

Is coke an appropriate beverage for a child?

Is sticking your finger full of vaseline up the butthole (they won't know what an anus is) an appropriate way to handle constipation?

Is dragging and picking up your 8 month old by the arm a reasonable way to keep him alongside you?

Is it a good idea to smoke while you are holding your baby/child?

Should your child be subjected to meeting every guy you date, whether or not they will have a permanent place in their life?

Do you have a gun accessible to children? Are the bullets kept separate? Are both locked up?

Would you smack your (under 2) child instead of redirecting?

Will you read to your child every day?

Will you talk to them in real language, not baby talk, so that they can learn to talk right?

If your 11 year old doesn't come home from a friends house that night, do you
a. just call the school in the morning to see if he showed up
b. Go to that friend's house and drag him out and take him home and take away privileges?
c. Go to the friend's house and beat him with a baseball bat?

(my coworker chose (a) and no he wasn't at school.)

^these are all things I've seen people do. The main underlying cause is they just don't have the parental instinct. They just don't feel blessed that they have a child, they only feel burdened. There is no drive to "do it to the best of their ability". There is nothing pushing the love and connection to the child. More than half come from my friend's niece in mississippi. She took off, stole her mom's car, went to arkansas for a week or so, leaving the baby at her mom's house where she lives. NEVER TOLD MOM. Just up and left.

These people should be shot. OH AND SHE CAME BACK PREGNANT.

These people make my trigger finger itch.

easy tiger. Bad parents have been around since the beginning of time. No licensing procedure can change that.

Situational test:  Subject them to 2-3 straight hours of crying emitted by a realistic baby doll, ideally starting at 2 am.  Any attempt at shaking to get them quiet - game over.

--------

Best method of removing crayon from walls:

a) Arm & Hammer magic erasers

b) soap & water

c) industrial mineral spirits

d) your child's pikachu toy

Original Post by spuckine1:

Do you have a degree in engineering?(some of those toy packages are brutal)

 

Oh, don't get me started.

The engineering degree also comes in handy when they decide to throw an electronic toy down the stairs or in the washing machine.  Knowing how to re-solder wires is a handy skill.

Not a parent but the actress Bonnie Hunt once said that in order for people to have the right to birth children they first have to raise a teenager for one yr. and then decide if they still want to have children.  ha.

Heh. The educational requirements are many. Engineering, Psychology, Anger Management, Nutrition, Theology, Biology, Graphic Design, Computer literacy, Accounting, CPR & First Aid, Jurisprudence*.

Yikes. Good thing there isn't a state licensing board.

*thanks Amethyst. :D

I think jurisprudence is one word. :)

Original Post by crazydiamondchrysalis:

 Should your child be subjected to meeting every guy you date, whether or not they will have a permanent place in their life?

 This gets my goat too. What do you think you're teaching your child by doing this?

I was single for many years, dating off and on, but never subjecting my child to my dates, or even talking to her about them. Only now, have I introduced her to my bf, because I feel he is the one. (We live together)

Original Post by amethystgirl:

I think jurisprudence is one word. :)

 Ha! My point exactly. :D