|
|
There's fat in my relationship....!!
Hi my name is Pamela I am a 28 year old mother of three. I went my whole life until having kids being a tall, lean, healthy athlete. I have always been a huge overeater, but as a kid and even a teen I was always so active that it didn't really matter. I always ate healthy took vitamins etc... But would just eat to much. So fast forward after three kids, moving out on my own at 16 and all the trials and tribulations that come with making horrible choices, I have gained alot of weight. I am 5 11 and my goal weight is 160. I know that sounds like alot to some of you, but believe me 160 onmy frame is SMOKIN"!!!!! Right now I weigh 230. I have lost 9 pounds in the past two months with calorie restriction and joining the gym. i am an emotional eater. I am in a horrible, neglectful relationship and I used to just want to eat non stop on my worst days. My boyfriend of 6 years, whom I just got back together with cause he promised me change, is not supportive at all. He doesn't tell me I'm fat, cause in actuality we have both gained 50 pounds since meeting. But when I was thinner he would tell me I was beautiful all the time. He never tells me that. He never encourages me or anything of that nature. He's one of those guys that thinks all he has to do is work and pay bills, and that he doesn't have to pay me any attention. He is selfish and never puts me first. Basically we have polar opposite views on relationships. He says he doesn't need anyone in his life and he only focuses on himself, I on the other hand love people, and love being in a meaningful relationship. He just doesn't ever put me first in his life, and to me that isn't love, not true love. Sometimes I think I am asking for to much, but I don't think it is wrong to want someone to love you the way you love them. It's all the little things that bother me the most like he never uses terms of endearment, he never says he loves me unless I say it, he's a jerk and extrememly mean, he will curse me out or whatever. Basically he only wants me here so that he's not lonely when he does want to be around someone, but he doesn't care about any of my needs, he's not trying to be a friend to me or a partner or anything. He says he will never marry me or anyone else. I moved to California and came back to mississippi to be with him, like an idiot because he promised he would make some changes. In my heart I knew that it would never happen, but i still loved him. So I said all that to say this, these things that go on can sometimes greatly affect my eating habits, I have to fight my emotions to not pick up the carton of ice cream, or eat the whole pizza. So I am a college student and now cannot just leave, besides I spent all my money moving twice. So I am kinda stuck until I get out of school. When I graduate I plan on having already met my goal weight by then too, I will leave and provide the best life I can for my kids. I have been doing good dealing with his hurtful words and neglect and not leaning on food to make it better, because on thing is more important, I have to get my self esteem back and losing all this weight and feeling sexy and attractive will help me. What is a good way to deal with a bad relationship when you can't leave and have no support to do what I am aiming to do. I mean I am doing this for me and my kids, but it does hurt when he ignores me and barely even notices, and also......WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN WHO KNOW HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN AND KNOW HOW TO LOVE AND HOW TO GIVE TO A RELATIONSHIP, HOW TO BE SELFLESS, MEN WHO STILL BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE!!! I know one thing when I graduate and walk away from this man who never appreciated me or cared one bit about my feelings, he will be staring at my firm much smaller behind!!!
I got to the horrible, neglectful relationship part and stopped cold.
Was he your EX for a reason? Has he always been like this and for some reason you've fallen for his lies and have willingly put yourself back in the same situation you left him for in the first place? You knew in your heart it would not change, but you did not listen to your heart. No, you chose to ignore everything that told you this was the wrong choice to make so you could be in a relationship.
You are polar opposites in your philosophy regarding relationships, but you are in a relationship with him. He wants you there so he's not "lonely".
Is this the type of relationship you consider as healthy? Is this the type of relationship you are willing to put up with? If not, get out so you can continue on a positive life path towards optimum health (mental, emotional, physical). Is this the type of relationship you want to have as an example for your children?
You will never get your self esteem back if you stay with this man. Why wait? If you are waiting for graduation, there is no guarantee you will be any better off financially than you are now. Why are you staying with him and exposing your children to him. Why are you allowing yourself to be so dependent on this jerk? Has the abuse not gotten bad enough?
It's not just him that is abusing you, you are abusing yourself with food. Stop it, you deserve better.
If you want peace bad enough, you will seek it. If there is a will, there is a way.
Thank your lucky stars you are not married to this man. It's truly a shame your children are being exposed to this type of abuse. Why on earth are you allowing this man to treat you in this manner? Walk through the paper wall of fear and get a life for you and your children. Let him be lonely, he deserves it. You deserve to live a full life, and it's waiting for you, only if you are willing to step out and take what life has waiting for you.
Good luck,
Jewel
Hope he don't find this letter somehow online..... don't leave yourself logged in or have your password clicked on remember me.....
Even if there's a huge money problem, would you consider moving in with a friend for a while? Or maybe your parents live nearby? You don't have to put up with any of that, and you know it. And I know what you mean about men, I try to calm myself remembering that the bad ones are always the most obvious about it. Best of luck with the weight loss, love, and life. :(
I agree with the previous person to never settle. I am a man, and I always tell my wife that I stay with her because I am a better man with her than without her. She knows that I love her with all of my heart. No man has the right to belittle a woman. No man has the right to lead a household by making his "significant other" and children feel inferior to him and that they won't survive without him. No man has the right to make his woman feel anything but the most beautiful woman in the world.
You never have to stay where there is more damage being to done to you than benefits. You do not need him. He is damaging you inside, and it will take years to get over. Protect what little emotional health you have left!!
Men: If you tell a woman that you love them, make it a reality. She is to be treasured, not trampled. My definition of love is seeking someone elses highest greatest good above my own. I always try to live that in all that I do. You will never see your wife or girlfriend flourish more than when she feels secure and that she doesn't have to look over her shoulder to see how her man is going to disrespect her or hurt her next or that her needs are not going to be met. She needs to feel that she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you....the one that she has given her heart to. I am not the best looking or even the richest husband in the world, but I try to always lead my family with love and respect and not my "fist".
I am sure life is difficult right now, and you are doing what you have to do for your kids. I am sending you pixie dust !!
8
