there's nothing i can do about my face

I'm not having a good time right now.  I've been doing this six weeks, working out everyday, eating right--I used to drink, like, four cokes a day and only got out of bed to use the bathroom or get something else to eat.  I'm surprised my starting weight was only 190 pounds.  But my weight fluctuates everyday--one day the scale will say I'm 183 and the next it'll say 188, then 186, then 189, and so on.  In six weeks I've only lost two pounds? 

I really want to give up.  My only motivation is to prove to a guy that lost interest in me that I am, in fact, one hot bitch.  But tonight...all I can think of is every guy I've ever known telling me in one way or another that I'm not good enough.  A guy came up to me in a bar one time just to tell me how ugly he thought I was.  Guy friends always keep their distance so I won't have the audacity to think they might be interested in someone as fat and ugly as me.  The nerve of me to think we're in the same league!  Boyfriends who like me when we're alone, but when their friends meet me, they're cold towards me because they're embarrassed for their friends to think they actually like me.

I know, I know, who cares what other people think, but when it's every guy you've ever known....  I'm supposed to go work out right now, but if it's 1--not working, anyway, and 2--not going to make me more attractive even if I got thin, then what's the effing point?  So I'll live longer?  Who wants to live longer when they're this unhappy?  I'm a nice person, I'm a cool person, smart.  But even the kindest guys see me as ugly--they'll be my friend but they'll never like me like that.

Everytime I feel good about myself, or pretty, even, some guy will tell me how ugly I am.  Strangers included.

I'm just sick of this whole thing.

you'll get there, dont worry. It just takes a little time, and you have changed your habits  so thats good progress!!

I know its hard to dismiss some of the horrible things people say, but really its not what they think its what you think and how hard you are trying! Im sure you have friends who accept you for you and thats all that matters!

& guys are guys, no offence to any men out there, but really, dont listen to them. they are probably just insecure themselves and thats why they are putting you down.

So keep on truckin girlie!! You can do it!

It's not guys who find you unattractive, it's jerks.

Fluctuation in wieght can be down to many things - muscle gain, water retention, hormonal reason. Keep at it, use the CC weight log and then you can see  clear downwards trend.

If you want to meet some nice people, why not join a local walking group - kill two birds with one stone. But the wiehgt loss is doomed to fail if it's not for yourself - all it takes now is one harsh comment from this lad and you could spiral back into your old ways. Find something that motivates you; a healthy life, looking good for yourself, be there for a long time for your kids [if/when you have them]...

And remember, nobody is perfect, and by 55+ most people have lost their looks, and it's personality that keeps people together!

Hope I helped.

People are so stupid.  I'm sure you're beautiful.  I'd tell you to ignore them, but I know from experience that doesn't really work.  Maybe if you find a routine you enjoy more (a variety of exercise that doesn't have to be every day of the week), and tried some new foods, and just had fun with it.  If you're stressed over the process, it won't help.  I don't know what to tell you, really.  I'd suggest being mindful of your fiber and water intake.  That can really help.  But seriously, find a reason to do this for you, hang on to it and you'll get there. 

Absolutely agree with the other replies!

I'm not sure how old you are, but don't worry about your looks.

Forget about things that bring you down (those guys) and focus on what makes you happy. And I mean really happy, not chocolate happy.

Just hang out with your friends. You're a great person as you are and you don't need some guy on your arm to prove that!

Also, why not try only to weigh yourself once or twice a week. You can fluctuate so much on a daily basis that you won't see the results. But after a week... it's kind of scary to see if you made a difference (it is for me anyway, every week).

I read on a different website: succes feel better than anything could taste.

Keep it up and focus on you and what you want.

Original Post by jraehol:

 A guy came up to me in a bar one time just to tell me how ugly he thought I was. 

And he'd be an oil-painting, of course?  How rude! 

I'll let everyone else give you ideas on how to get the weight-loss restarted but I wanted to give you some tips on looking as good as possible.   You can do a lot with good grooming.... the right hair-style, makeup and a good skincare regime can go a long way.  Clothing as well... if clothes fit nicely and flatter your shape you can look 10lbs lighter.  Baggy, shapeless clothing does the reverse.  Posture is another one that gets overlooked.... all those clips of 1950's footage where girls are walking around with books on their heads is not so daft.  Standing tall can also make someone look lighter.  Heels are a godsend if you've gained a few lbs.    'A smile costs nothing'...  our very own H.M Queen Elizabeth II is conscious that when her face is relaxed & doing nothing it looks incredibly grim & bad tempered. A lot of us are like that so remembering to smile helps a lot.

Best of luck

Jane is right, everyone can make the best of themselves by changing even the smallest things you might never be a super model but so what! Doing more in your life and being healthy will help towards becoming a happy confident person. And in my opinion that's what makes people attractive. Do this for your self, it will take a lot longer than 6 weeks to see a difference but you will get there. Who knows what the future has in store. 

Honestly, there are hundreds upon hundreds of ways to improve your appearance. There was a time when people were absolutely stuck with what they were given, but not in this day and age. You do have the ability to completely change your appearance if that is what you so choose. There are many people out there who lived much of their lives as wall flowers, and being overlooked by prospective partners and people in general can be internally damaging.

It might take awhile, but if changing your outward appearance is what it takes to make you feel good all around then do it. It's not a matter of simple vanity, it's more about becoming the person on the outside that you already are on the inside.

The thing is it will take time, and money and dedication. Losing weight is just the first step. Think of your face, your body, your skin and hair all as malleable physical traits that only require the right kind of degrees of manipulation.

The overall body, naturally, will come first. Losing the weight first and foremost is like prepping the canvase. Not only that but when you lose the weight, and become a healthy individual people see that too. Being healthy is attractive. Next, skin and teeth. If you have problem skin consult a dermatologist and see if they can provide you with some kind of hormonal treatment. A beautiful smile is also a great feature. Whitening and braces are also going to be important.

These are all things I had to go through, I had 10 teeth pulled when I was 13, was overweight and had acne. I was called ugly more than once, I would find notes about people talking about me calling me ugly. It hurts, I know. But there is no reason for you to suppose that you can't be that hot bitch one day.

Ultimately it made me a better person, now the man that I'm with see's the genuine kindness in me and that just makes him all the more crazy about me. Because the easiest way to ruin a beautiful person is to give them an ugly attitude.

Remember, Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together.And don't forget that you are probably already both.

You have only been going for 6 weeks, YES that is a start! But it isn't nearly long enough too see the ultimate result. Everyday I want you to envision the way you see yourself in two years or three years or five years. You don't have to live your life in perpetual saddness wishing that the person you see in the mirror was someone else. Change her. Don't give up. Because you can.

Please don't judge all guys by our worst specimens :)

Sounds like you need to surround yourself with better people (i.e., not idiots)

I really feel for you and I hope you read this.   First off for me this is important: your self worth.  God does NOT make mistakes!  I believe we all were created for some reason and life is VERY precious and you are blessed to be alive and sounds like healthy.

You do need to work on your reason for the weight loss and YES it has to be for you and no one else and YES you really have to be committed to this program.  I am able to say this from experience.  I feel most people that diet and fail just don't hang on long enough to make it work.  I have been in the program for just about 2 1/2 months and I am NOW finally seeing some results!  Your body internally needs to get with the program and it takes quite a while for your organs and metabolism to get in gear.  I do weight myself everyday and it took over 2 months to one see results and two to notice a pattern in the yo-yo cycle.  I lose VERY slowly but it is coming off and it is the best I have done in over 10 years with any program. 

Another point:  Keep chatting!  I have learned tons by talking to fellow chatters in this site.  People are very friendly and willing to help support you.  So you did the right thing by coming on line and telling us how you feel and hopefully by our responses you can see there are many people out there that truly care and want to help!

When I read you message I am picking up a pretty cute attitude in you, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit.  Don't you dare damage yourself for the sake of some outside remarks by people.  You need to surround yourself with people that truly care for you and trust me it will make a difference.

Please keep us posted on your journey and trust me we will be there for you!  Don't give up on yourself you are absolutely worth it!

I think i can relate. When I was about 25 lbs heavier, I thought I was the ugliest person ever... and when I thought I was ugly, so did others. I def. got a few ugly comments.  I thought-even if I lose weight, I'll still be ugly, but as I started losing I gained confidence.

Now I'm 25 lbs down and people tell me not how ugly I am, but I have actually had people say they are JEALOUS of my appearance...face and all. Its almost been hard for me to accept the fact that I am pretty, because all my life I had low self-esteem.  Turns out your pretty all along!!!!!! But when your confidence goes up, your whole face gleeeeeeeams. Good luck!

You just haven't met the right guy. It takes some longer than others, but there's someone out there for everybody. One day you'll meet a guy who knows how cool and smart and interesting. And he'll be intelligent enough to know where your true beauty comes from.

Don't give up on yourself. Give up on letting other people's perception of you beat you down. You have to train yourself to really feel that certain opinions don't matter. It sounds hard to do, but it can be done even if you have to repeat a personal mantra over and over in your head. Over the years I've trained myself to not even consider the negative things certain people (especially strangers) might say or think about me. Even if you ever reach your ideal picture of yourself, there will still be someone who thinks badly of you. Don't them make or break you.

Keep working on yourself, inside and out. Become a little self absorbed without being selfish. Zone in on your goals and ambitions with tunnel vision like nothing else matters. The self esteem and confidence you build by totally focusing on making yourself a better person all around will radiate outward. Then when people see how much you love and care for yourself, they will feel positive feelings toward you as well.

Give yourself a hug by doing something today that makes you feel good.

Sounds cliche, but true happiness comes from WITHIN.  Stop letting the opinions of a-hole strangers dictate how YOU feel about YOURSELF.  No matter what you look like (truly), you'll never be able to please them all.  People can/do/will find fault with everyone.

You need to realize that you deserve to be happy.  You deserve to be healthy.  You need to treat your well (eat good, exercise, call forth your inner soldier) so that the progress you make builds your self-confidence and repairs your shattered self-esteem.  YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE WORTH-- NO ONE ELSE.

Trust me, there is someone out there just for you. You simply haven't met him yet. Do whatever you need and want to do for yourself. Not for anyone else. And remember, once you lose the weight and start to feel healthy, you can go out and get a bomb new hairstyle, buy some great new clothes and start showing off your sexy new bod! As for the guy who came up to you in the bar, no matter what he does, he will NEVER have one ounce of the class that you do.

I hope you're feeling better today.  Do not give up on the weight loss.  I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your face!  And you have had boyfriends, some people haven't.  Sorry you feel down about yourself.  

There are lots of success stories on this site!  Have a good look around, find a good group to join, or just start posting more and getting support.  Stop weighing every effing day, it's horrible for morale and can actually derail your whole program.  At one point I had to have my kid hide the scale from me so I'd stop hopping on it all the time.

Choose a few days a week to weigh in, always do it in the same situation, upon first rising, after using the toilet, in jamies, or naked, whatever works for you, but be consistent.  Tell yourself everyday you don't weigh that if you stick with your plan eventually you will see a move down on the scale.  Update your profile so others know your age, weight, height, where you want to be.  It will help others give you positive feedback.  Best of luck!

You guys are very kind.  I definitely have not been getting a whole lot of support during this--even from my mom (I live with her), who's doing Atkins right now...I can have dessert if I want, but she can't, and while I don't rub it in her face, she tries to make me feel guilty.  It doesn't even have to be dessert, it could be corn.  She makes me feel bad because I weigh 20 pounds less than her, and she always says that if she were my size, she'd be thrilled (which is a lie, because she complained when she was my size).  I always say that she was gorgeous and thin in her twenties, while I have never been thin, ever, so maybe she should be grateful for her twenties.  She has pictures of herself in bikinis looking smoking hot, and I've never had that, so stop trying to make me feel bad for not being as big as you, lady!  You're the one who gave me my negative body image!  My mom really is the cause of a lot of my issues.  Last night she told me it was my fault she had a sore throat because I made her yell at me.  I responded by eating 1/4 of an angel food cake--although I have to say it's rare for me to eat my feelings like that.

Anyway, I digress.  I know I'm supposed to stay off the scale, but last night I weighed myself and I was 190.  That's where I started.  It's very discouraging.  Before I started this, I anticipated the scale not moving, but I didn't think it would go up and down.  You don't start gaining muscle weight this quickly, right?  And I know I don't always limit myself to 1200 calories--the website recommended 1450 which is what I usually hit, although I try for 1200--but worst case scenario I thought I would maintain, not gain.  I never eat more than I burn.

In regards to my face, I usually try not to even think about it, because I know it's going to hurt, but I was having one of those nights.  The last few months I have been trying to improve my appearance:  I started taking collagen for my hair, skin, and nails--my nails look great, I can't tell a difference in my hair yet, and my skin is awful.  I need a derm but can't afford it at this point.  I recently got a crown on a bad front tooth that caused me insecurity for years, I never smiled--now I have to tell myself to smile until I get used to it, but I am smiling more.  I'm even using a product to make my eyelashes longer.  One of my eyelids hangs over my eye, which I can't fix without plastic surgery, and I'm too young for eyelid surgery.  I've pretty much trained my eyes for pictures, but it's hard to walk around like that all the time.  I realize it may sound like I'm nit-picking or have some sort of body image disorder, but the eye-thing is noticeable.  Once again, a boyfriend had to point it out to me by morphing his face to imitate me.  A guy friend of mine told me my boyfriend would love me more if my arms weren't so hairy, and I guess I took it too seriously--maybe people would love me if I didn't have any flaws, and I've been on that mission (and waxing or shaving my arms) since I was 16 years old.

Are you logging everything that you eat?  Because I know if I don't log it, I forget I ate it at the end of the day when I'm reckoning everything up.  Also maybe your scale is a piece of crap.

I'm sorry about your mom, you're too separate people however, and it's no good for either side to compare.  You probably need to eat a bit more than 1200.  The 1450 would be if you were just laying around all day -- which you might have been before but now you're not.  Anyway step up the activity by going out and walking if possible.  It's good for your mind and your body to get out and walk.  

If someone morphed their face to imitate me I would tell them to eff off.  Your picture is nice, so keep focused on that and keep up with the self improvement.  Here is a link to an awesome young woman who lost lots of weight and changed her life.

Hey I've never posted here before but reading your post really struck a chord with me. I used to weigh 190 and I swore that I wouldn't reach 200. So I changed my diet and started intensely exercising. My motto was "never give up, never quit," and I had to grunt that out loud to myself more than once while exercising. Now I'm 150 and working on losing more.

My advice is to weigh yourself once a week and expect a pound or two loss per week. Be honest about your food intake- write down all food and calories in a diary, and measure out your food. Give it a few more weeks and if you still aren't losing, up your exercise level (if you do, make sure you eat a bit more as well to help your body heal). If all else fails, see a doctor and discuss why you aren't losing weight.

As far as your face goes, your picture is gorgeous. What I wouldn't give to have beautiful big green eyes. Once your body gets toned up more and a bit thinner men will start to notice you more, I promise. I still struggle with hating the way my face looks but makeup helps a lot. I too have bad skin and acne scars, I have a big nose and forehead, and I think I have a weird face shape overall. But I project confidence, I lift my head up high, and I smile.

In the meantime, I also recommend you dress as well as you can. Get a great haircut, get some plus size fashion tips online, and go shopping. There is no reason you can't look good now, no matter what weight you are. Ignore what the idiot men around you say- tell yourself you are sexy everyday. Dress up, do your makeup, and strut your stuff. If you've got a nice chest, show if off. If you have a nice butt, show it off.

Most importantly, don't give up now, you've been sticking to this for six whole weeks! Be proud of yourself. Hang in there.

Wow. I'm shocked that there are actually people that rude! The comment you mentioned a guy at a bar made to you boggles my mind!

Judging by your picture you're a very pretty girl. Do you think a lot of it could be your own personal insecurities? You can't let every negative thing someone says about your appearance have a huge impact on you.  Of course you're going to care about what people think of you to an extent, just remember who it's coming from. I wouldn't worry about what a guy at a bar says, and no offense, but your guy friends sound like d-bags.

I've had comments made to me here and there, but I try not to dwell on them.

You look great in your picture. Your eyes are  a great feature and you will see your face shape will change a bit as you lose weight.

About your skin, you don't need to spend a lot on dermatology, at least from what I can tell from your picture.

I used to have loads af acne and even upto 25 I suffered. I started a serious cleansing routine (morning and night) and that made a difference and using moisturizer improved my skin. I can suggest some brands that really made a difference for me if you want, just send me a message.

And I think it's very smart of you not to do Atkins with your mum, it's an unsustainable eating pattern. For me anyway.

I've noticed that all your happiness and feelings of self worth are based on what other people say and think. Girl, OTHER PEOPLE ARE STUPID!!!!

The only opinon that should matter is yours, and yours alone.  Those people don't matter! Seriously, have you survived without them? Have their narrow minded, crass, crude and childish words ended your very exsistance? Obviously not because you're here right now!

I mentioned this to someone else on this site a few months back. Write down everything you like about yourself, and then keep that paper with you. When some DRRUNNK jerk comes up to you and disses you, just remember that there are x amount of things that you like about yourself.