?why i got too thin?

this is a question, i want to know if this happened to other people, i have read alot about eds and other stuff i have never heard much about this but...i think i came to this revelation yesterday and i am interested if it is kinda normal. 

i found out i am really good at restricting myself and cutting calories, right now in my life i am ok but i dont feel like i am much good at anything i am doing, but i am good at this that is why i am having a hard time eating properly because i find power in restricting myself and it makes me feel good that i made an acomplishment.  sound familiar to anyone.

i got too thin because i wanted to prove that i was extaordinary to starve myself almost to death, and to scare people, and to be an elitist about my weight.

not the kind of person i would ever feel sorry for! i always get abit "whatever!" when people god 'aw poor person with anorexia, poor you, so hard...' because in my experience i was just being completely self centered and cruel. 

so it had nothing to do with fitting into smaller clothes,

i was at 135 5ft 6. now i am 110 5ft 6, and i still sthink i look pretty much the same except for none of my pants fit.  i wished they did,  so i think it started with wanting to loose 10lbs just for looks and then i just found out i am goodat it,  i dont really know what to think about this

I am not so sure what this thread is suppose to accomplish, but can we please not write about "being good" at an eating disorder. This is something that is serious and many people on this site are going through recovery. Myself started my ed because I wanted to tone up, I never wished to be the way that I was at my lowest, it just got obsessive. I think that your idea of finding reasons why ed started is fine, however, posting triggering numbers and some replying with responses that are not helpful is extremely harmful to our cc recovering members.

hmm my reasons...

-I was "ugly" and a "loser" most of my younger days; bullying really destroys your mind

-when I got into highschool I became "prettier" and I took advantage of it, no I was sick of never being the best, so I HAD to become as "perfect" as possible (no ED yet though...)

-2006 fling with a guy ultimately broke my heart and destroyed my mentallity, for the rest of my highschool year(s) I made every effort to get his attention through how I looked... incidently loosing almost 20lbs... still didnt seem to faze him

-but losing weight became obsessive... without enough food, your brain can't function properly and your mind plays tricks on you... I remember I would cry for the stupidest reasons! (usually involving food, weight, clothes..etc) It was brutal

-at Grad I saw him with his girlfriend of almost a year... and she was FAT! I couldn't believe it, I thought he was "perfect" and would only date someone of equal value... I was wrong?

...but I guess this helped me realize that you don't have to weigh 54lbs to be loved...

One of the most common traits of annorexia is being in control of something (your calorie and food intake) which gives you a feeling of 'power' and being good at something.

I understand what you are talking about but don't let it get to your head and end up being controled by an eating disorder.  I may be good to feel in control, but it feels better to be healthy and in control.  Don't cut out too many calories or ana will start running your life, not you.

Original Post by enzyme1:

so it had nothing to do with fitting into smaller clothes,

 of course it did, smaller clothes are a status symbol i felt incredibly superior if i was wearing the smaller size jeans.

control, all i wanted was to control something, anyting, and limiting how many calories i ad was a way to contol.

also, i was the fat kid most of my like, and then got healthy by losing a few pounds. i became obbsesed with losing weight and how i looked. so i got to 72 pounds. 

Wow joanne, you've just described pretty much exactly the feelings behind my ED.

When I looked at people eating I felt like I was better than them because I wasn't eating.

There were other factors of course, but that's a big one for me.

I do that too. I see my friends eating and I seriously think, wow I am better than you. Its all about the competition...oh wait, to eat less? It makes no sense at all.

There is no logic to it. They might have pasta and a piece of cake and I'll have a salad and then some veggies and hummus... Obviously my meal is lower cal but that doesn't matter. If I have more plates... God forbid.

I knwo what you mean. It almost felt like you were God when you werent eating and your friends were. 

Original Post by itstayrawr:

I knwo what you mean. It almost felt like you were God when you werent eating and your friends were.

 i think knowing you can live without eating, one of the most basic human instincts and you can just deny it. you're something else. you're alive, but you're not doing what everyone else thinks they have to do to stay alive.

inhuman. *shrug..*

i wanted to freak people out i guess... 

i did it so i felt like i had control over something in my life since the relationship with my parents and boyfriend was so bad