Do you have the time to listen to me Chat about nothing and everything all at once?

Why none of us thought of this one sooner is beyond me.

Heya all.

*poof*

First post.

Yippie.

Now I can go home.

Have a good day, Scoots. (lucky)

Hah.  I WISH. 

I was being...um...not sarcastic but.....just....being eyeore-ish.

Ah. OK.

Scoots, what do you do when your wife is being disagreeable and temporarily stupid and over-eemotional and then, whatever fight you have when she's doing all that, she says it's your fault?

Do you accept that sort of emotional garbage?

Hello

Howard, if she's having "a day," you're probably best just to say something along the lines of "yes, dear" and wait until she's rational again before trying to discuss things. 

*shrug* just my .02

Edit: The thought of SC being Eeyore-ish is cute. :)

{SC]

{HK}

{JL}

I agree with Laura as well HK. My DH just to tries to ignore me when I'm in a mood like that until I snap out of it myself

Well, usually that kind of think happens durning TTotM. And usually it's an explosion of pent up little things and one final straw kinda bursts the dam wide open (nice mix metaphor there...woot).

So, if it's one of those kinds of things....I just roll with it.

If it's not TTotM and something like that happens.  No.  I try to get to the bottom of what's getting at her.

Our biggest problem is that both of us sometimes remember conversations we never actually had and then get upset with the other for not following thru on a request that was never voiced.

DW has a hard time with being wrong and does not backdown readily.  This I have learned.  And continuing to point out that she IS wrong only makes things worse.

I've been learning to drop certain arguements, even when I know without a shadow of doubt that I am right.  I've found she, on her own, will come around and apologize.

Did that answer your question?

K also has a hard time with being wrong. She rarely is. Never is during an argument.

It's very frustrating. I'm not a "Yes, Dear" sort of guy. I'm a "You screwed up as much as I did" kinda guy. 

When I managed a Domino's  years ago, we used to talk to each other in Eeyore's tone. You know, that whole monotone "thanks for noticing" kinda voice.

I made the mistake of answering an incoming call like that.  It was the VP of operations.  He was none to happy.

Heh.  Marital issues seem to kill the chat. :D

With the missus and when I think she's all those wonderful adjectives (over-emotional, temporarily stupid), there ain't no hope.  In our case whenever it comes down to me expressing stuff like that to her, it just makes her feel like I'm illegitimizing her emotions, and guess what, I am (I deem her "over-emotional").  So, all that does is create deadlock.

Stick to the issue.  What is making her over-emotional?  What is she mad about?  Get to the root of it and try to work it out.

Of course, then you run the risk of fixing the problem before she's ready for the solution.  After nine years of marriage, I still can't figure out why the missus doesn't like it when she gets mad about something (whether I cause it or a third party does) and I immediately say that I'm going to do "x" to fix it.  It's like she's just complaining to be comforted (I have to pet her head and say "Oh, you poor baby") rather than actually looking to get rid of the problem.  If I offer up a solution without doing the "Oh, you poor baby" thing, she thinks I don't care about whatever it is that bugs her.

Women.  Can't live with them.  Pass the beer nuts.

So, good luck with that.  :D

Well, Golly. That makes me feel better.

Rightness and Wrongness were pointed out to me by this scenario.

You are at an intersection.  You have the right of way.  The Semi coming up to the stop sign on your right should stop, but isn't.  Sure, you have the right of way.  But, if you proceed thru the intersection....kabam.  You're right.  But dead. 

Sometimes yeilding is the more prudent choice.  Sometimes, forcing someone to see that one is right makes one an @$$.

I just think it's the crux of what's so tough about marriage, that's all.  I have a bunch of friends that have the same experiences with a wife that is perceived to be over-emotional and a husband who is perceived to be uncaring when he's trying to be pragmatic, and that causing a whole lotta problems.

You'll work it out in the short-term, but I'd place my bet that conflicts like these'll crop up again and again.  It's an inherent part of a heterosexual, long-term relationship. :D

I'm sorry. I refuse to do the meek husband thing. That might be fine in a stereotypical relationship, but I'm not a stereotypical guy. Sometimes.. alot more often she admits, she's still in the wrong.

I've yielded to women who were wrong way too much. My mother did that for me. I'm done yielding.

And maybe that means more fights, but... *shrug*

And, yeah, I suspect you're right, that it's just a danger of ALL relationships. People misunderstand, get overemotional, etc.

Though, how I ended up with such a (in this way) stereotypical woman is somewhat beyond me. 

I think there's a difference between yielding and compromise to get through an argument, though.  I'd like to think that most women don't like a guy that flops over whenever she decides to be a jerk; at least, that's the way my wife is.

Or Dx, as Tom Arnold so eloquently put it in True Lies:  Women - can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.

And, it's 11 years por moi and DW.  I work in the tech field all day.  People call in with things needing fixed all day. Goal is to get them fixed and on the way without making them feel stoopid when they screwed up in the first place.  But, my wife gets seriously p!$$ed when I bring my tech-ing skillz home and try to fix problems the same way.  Sometimes, she just wants to complain.  And we all need that.

We have become so much closer since she has gone in to the outside world for work. In part, because other people get to see the way I treat her and then tell her how lucky or special she is to have me. No, that's not tooting my horn.  Its that she get's to see me from someone else's point of view and some of my quirks that used to bug her kinda melt away.

Even if K screwed up 1000% more than you, to me it sounds like this is one of those "choose your battles" type of moments.  You can either continue to try to discuss things and make it worse, or give her some time to cool down and wait until she's open to discussion again. 

Compromise only works when both sides are willing to compromise. I was compromising. She was still building up her head of steam.

I suspect, as much as I hate it, I just gotta let her build up her head of steam. I just wish she had someone else to build it up at besides just me. I may be "Safe" but it means I gotta deal with it. 

Ha. I tried "giving her time to cool down". I brought in a timer said "Can we talk about this in five minutes?" She got pissed because "She wasn't upset."

Uh. Huh.