tired of not being honest with my self

 In February of 2009 I peaked at 235lbs as of August 2009 my weight was at 190lbs...it is now October and I am 185. Since the begining of August I have been on a self destructive downward spiral and I have had my eyes completely shut to it. I dont know why it happened and I dont know how but it did. I stopped logging my food. I began to eat F foods again and I changed from going to the gym 4-5 days a week to 2x a week. I guess I thought that the job was done. Today I had an epiphany. I realized that I am slow but surely turning into the person I was 10 months ago ..over eating , depressed, lazy!! I took all of my measurements this after noon and realized that I have a loooong looong way to go .... :(  and to top it off...I realized that I have had my height all WRONG I guess I shrunk...for the longest time I thought I was 5'10 b/c that is what I was at the DR's office at age 16..I realize now(8 years later...lol) that either that doctors office was wrong or I shrunk b/c I am 5'8 :O....all this time I have been eating calories for a person with that height. I really dont know what the point is of this post...I'm just severely frustrated and  I  really need to vent. I feel like changing back into a healthy life style is going to be harder this go around...I guess I'm just reaching out.

Thanks

Look at it this way... So far, you've lost 50 pounds!  That's GREAT!  Look at what you've accomplished, not how far you have to go.  You're so much further ahead than you were a year ago.

Maybe you could do a bit of time in "maintenance mode"  Don't worry about trying to lose weight for a month or so.  Take a breather, and relax.  Then get back at it.  You know what you need to do; you've already been successful at it.  You can do it again.  You're SOOOOO far ahead of so many people who have never made that first step.

Good luck!

Clint

I agree with pbear!  Congrats on your success so far.  As someone just starting out on the weightloss journey, its inspiring to see someone that has had some success.

Now, I'm no expert but I do know that a lot of people have weight problems not-so-much cuz they love food, but because of underlying emotional problems.  You probably already know that.  You've obviously learned the hows and the whys of eating healthier and being more active, now its time to deal with what's bothering you so that you are not tempted to give up, go into denial or just eat to cover up your problems.  At this point, its about will-power and the strength to keep going.

Is there someone you can talk to about your feelings/life/hopes/dreams?  I hear a lot of brokenness and desperation in your post, and I know all too well how that can manifest itself through a food addiction.

Remember, making healthy choices is more of a whole lifestyle change than a diet of restrictions and self-deprivation.

Hope this helps a bit...

Hi - Congrats, I am wishing I was at 50 lbs lost.  That's great.  This is not easy at all so don't worry that you got a little bit off.  Look at it as a positive thing in that you now have realized what can happen if you are not watching your diet/exercise.  Everyone gets off their diets sometimes I think but it's just a matter of getting back to it.

Like you said just be honest with yourself.

sorry, hit post twice!!!

50lbs is great!

youre obviously doing something right, just keep at it

if i lost 50 lbs i will have surpassed by goal by 30lbs

50lbs is a lot!!

Don't be so hard on your self, 50lbs is a gerat acheivement, and if it taken a year then that's exactly on target to stay off because it represents 1lb per week. I am at 40 and want to lose another 10 by Christmas week which will get me to 50 off.

At least you've realised wht you're doing and are acting to stop it getting worse, hang in there x

You lost 45 pounds in 6 months, and 5 pounds in 2 months.  You have not spiraled out of control, you slowed down.  Spiraling out of control would mean putting weight back on, not slowing down.  Congratulations!  Lots of research shows that the first 10% weight loss, regardless of where you start, gives big health benefits, and you lost way more than 10%!

I am guessing that what you did for the first part of your diet was a little too extreme for you to find it sustainable.  What you have been doing for the past couple of months may feel too slow, but if you kept up with that rate, you would be at a healthy weight sooner than you think.

Think about what you could do moving forward that you would find sustainable, and what helped you the most to lose the weight you have already lost.  Logging your intake?  Making mostly good food choices (not perfect, just good)?  Moving more?  Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.  Aim for good, sustainable habits and you will gradually get where you want to go.  Best of luck!

Hey OP,

It sucks how easily we can fall into our old habits, but congratulations to you on realizing it! You are no longer blocking out the truth. Now that you know what the problem is (mostly food log and not weighing regularly) you know how to fix it: Log your food, weigh yourself to monitor the progress and so what if you don't go to the gym 4-5 days a week...go for a walk/jog/bike ride/swim....anything.

I used to go 5 days a week, but now that i'm close to my goal/maintenence, I go maybe once a week, HOWEVER, I stay active every day. Going ot the gym (classes specifically) and being in a time constrant can feel like a pain in the rear, but if I jog at my own pace and own time, I enjoy it A LOT.  Find something you like to do. Just because it's not at the gym doesn't mean it's not good for you.

You're doing great. Keep it up...what a great wake up call to have!

Congrats on 50 lbs! That is excellent!

On another note, I think it's good to recognize bad habits that may be reproducing themselves. Weight gain can happen quickly, and then sometimes it's a very slow process. 6 years ago I weighed 50 lbs less than I do right now. I have about 85 to lose, and it would be a heck of a lot easier to only have to lose 35. Do I even know how I gained 50 lbs? Not really (aside from the fact that maybe I was enjoying myself a little too much). So my advice, so you don't end up like me, is look it in the face, and don't get discouraged, because it sucks when you have to start over with more than you had to.

Wow...I didnt think I would get soo many responces. I really apreciate the honesty and the encouraging words. Thank you , Thank you , Thank you! I feel better to start the day now.