Today I was humiliated and I'm trying not to tear up at work...

I haven't been out to dinner since I started trying to lose weight. My coworker is retiring and a few managers wanted to take a small group out to lunch to celebrate - - they know that I'm trying to lose weight so we decided on the Saltgrass Steakhouse.

So, we are seated in sort of a separate section - it's quiet and there are only 2 other tables in there besides ours at the time. We order... my closest co-worker.. who, is a 63 yr old w/ serious self esteem issues... says 'Oh, I see you're doing the sausage' I say 'Yes, errr.. what do you mean?' and she says loudly 'I thought sausage is really bad - guess you decided to go off your diet'.  Everyone got quiet and I was so embarrassed! I felt like crying... even the tables behind us looked at me.

Another girl at the table was red faced and she is dieting as well.. she said 'no, Jennifer - dont you know you're expected to only have salad the rest of your life'.. which made me feel better..

I got the lunch portion which is small.. it has a 4 inch sausage link and a grilled skinless chicken breast with a side of veggies. I didn't get a huge steak, a baked potato, french fries... and I allowed my calories for this.. I know this was not over 700 calories! The chk breast is a small 6oz size.

Anyway, I just don't understand people who feel the need to comment on what you order. It ruined my time and had I had my car w/me I would have excused myself. :(

You should be VERY proud of yourself that you ordered small portions.  Your co-worker probably didn't mean to embarass you but you should tell her how that made you feel.

Just remember, you'll be having the last laugh when you succeed!

The idiot engaged mouth before brain. 

Some people are just  a natural hindrance.  Please do not allow someone elses extremely bad manners to get you down.  Your food choices were excellent and planned for and it was none of her GD business.

I am sorry it put a cloud on your day.  At least tomorrow is Saturday and you won't have to put up with the dingbat til Monday.

How rude she was!

I'm glad you didn't retaliate--that sort of thing can get out of hand. Although I would have been tempted to excuse myself and call a cab.

One possible response is to smile sweetly and say something like "Thank you so much for your feedback" or "moderation in all things."

Just remember, it doesn't matter what she says (or thinks), it matters what you think. It sounds like you had a sensible plan and she was out to make life difficult for you.

Take care and stick to your plan!

It was a very insensitive and somewhat nasty thing to do. Don't let an idiotic comment like that bother you too much.

She's a lesser person for ever saying it.

I totally feel you. Some people think they are normal ppl and you're abnormal thats why they can judge whatever you eat. I hate those ppl. They are the abnormal ones. And most of the time, they aren't even physically fit!!!!! We are the ones who eat healthy and we're going to live longer haha...

I too would be red faced and I'll probably say something to her like "Oh thanks for reminding me, but I count my calories so don't worry about my diet."

Sometimes you just have to ignore what ppl say to you. My cubicle is right at a busy intersection of the office and one morning when i had my toasts, (1 pcs of whole wheat with little margarine) my coworker walked by my desk and said loudly "Stop eating gomui!" as a joke. I was so embarassed that I wanted to go home. They thought it's funny but I don't.

I'm not sure I could have kept my mouth shut at that kind of remark.

I would have filled that girls head with stuff about calorie counting had she said something stupid like that to me.

We'll probably have an O'Charlies lunch one day in the future and I'll probably order something great... but I'll budget for it.   If no one comments, all the better.   But if someone does I'll whip out my notebook and say ... "well I had XX calories for breakfast... I'm going to have xx for dinner... this lunch is XX calories... no I appreciate the concern but I've done the math and I can eat this and still lose weight today" :)

That was just an insensitive and stupid remark.

There's a woman in my office who is on Weight Watchers right now.  Now, she is definitely losing weight, and it shows. 

She comes to my desk last week, and says in a low voice, "Can I ask what you're doing to lose weight?  I mean, I can tell, everyone can tell.....but you eat all the time!!  I'm starving!"

LOL ... Now that one didn't hurt my feelings ... but I have definitely been in your shoes before, and it's why I don't usually broadcast the fact that I'm trying to lose weight.  There's bound to be someone who decides it's their job to be your own personal diet police. 

Shake it off, have a good cry (when you get home!) if you want to -- sometimes it helps!, and enjoy your weekend.

jennifer - i wish i had better news, but to a lot of people, it's fun to poke fun at someone else.  a lot of people enjoy the power that comes from making someone else feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, although they won't admit it....I too have been shocked at how insensitive people will be, even more so because it's usually obvious it's totally deliberate.

There really isn't much you can do about it in regards to weight, other than, of course, not giving up.  If you really wanted the sausage, you should have just said something like "Yeah, I prefer to atrophy" or "who am I kidding...like I'm going to turn THIS down?"  You don't have to defend your food choices. 

It may not help now, but I wouldn't announce to people that you're on a diet.  All that does is set you up for smirks and rude remarks if you either don't noticeably lose weight or if you let yourself have a treat from the vending machine (hmmm...I wonder if they replaced those Starbursts in ours...).

One of my ex-colleagues, now moved on to a new job, used to make all these asides about all the ?porkers? we had as distributors (I work for a company that sells nutritional supplements).  This b*tch also noted when I didn?t lose weight, commenting that since I didn?t seem to eat that much at work, I must be ?chowing down at home?.  She said this with a big smile on her face, as if she was anticipating my shocked and hurt reaction.  As much as she was just another fiftysomething burnt-out skag with crispy hair, a mannish/mulish face, and a fashion sense suited for a biker bar (she loved denim and rhinestones, too), it made me angry that she could still score points off me.  I can?t help but be shocked at how blatantly and unapologetically rude people can be?it makes me wonder why I bother being nice to anyone, and to just go on Hurtthembeforetheyhurtyoufirst mode.

I have found that people often have "foot in mouth" syndrom with things that they don't understand.  Unless your rude coworker has ever struggled with her weight and tried to count calories, she probably didn't understand  your diet.

I would have educated her on the issue and explained that you may have whatever you want as long as you stick to moderate portions and not go overboard.  I would have then pointed to everything on my plate and recided the calories in each item and summed it up and explained that as long as I ate between min of 1200 and max of 1800 (for me, not sure what your max is) then I'm fine. I also would have thanked her for her concern and then assured her that it was quite fine what I was eating.

Chin up, deary!  You're doing just fine.  Ignorance must be bliss!

*huggs*

yea i can relate people say stupid stuff...

in my room i have like goal list and this "im going to lose weight contract" i had a calendat cross off everyday i stayed on plan....

and my friend laughed at me... ALOT. And I said Actually it works... and she felt stupid and said "o yea im sure its a really good motivator"

We are in this weight loss for ourselves.. although other may hurt us.. u know ur doing it for you.

Anyways.. i had sausage the other night for dinner!!

:)

Be proud of yourself.  You knew the restaraunt ahead of time, you allotted calories and stuck to it.  It's okay to indulge, its what makes lifestyle changes successful.  Won't she be surprised when you lose weight, and when she says something good, you say, "It's a good thing I ate that sausage!"  Smile dear.  Its all good.

Thanks...she is the one w/issues!  EVERYDAY she talks about how fat she is or she lifts up her shirt and says 'look how my pants fit' showing her belly.. or she talks about how petite her hands/fingers are... She's 63 and about 150. She starves herself too.. eats less than 1000 cals per day.. I think she just needs people to give her constant praise.  I hate when she comes in and stands right up on me and lifts her shirt.. Please! Get out of my face!

Anyway, I know what I ordered was totally fine but I'm just so amazed about how clueless and insensitive people are... Even when I was thin I didn't say things like that! TGIF!

BTW - SHE ordered fried shrimp!!!  And, she knows all about calorie counting.. I've shown her this website.. she knows what I do and that it's working.. I went from 290 to 253 so it surprised me that she did that to me! I thought she was a friend..

Jennifer, you handled it very well.

However, for future reference, and it will happen again, as there seems to be always at least one insensitive person around us all the time, practice some nice comebacks.

Sample:

Oh no, I haven't gone off my diet at all.  I knew about this dinner and planned for it.  That's the secret of successful dieting.  I have budgeted for these calories, and I'm going to fully enjoy them.

Just keep practicing saying it, until it becomes second nature.  Kindness in your voice to accompany the affirmations of success will go a long way in diffusing the embarrassment. 

See, that's the thing.. She knows exactly what I do!  We sit next together day in and day out! She's seen this site.. she's watched me lose.. I honestly don't know why she did that.. stupid bitch. LOL

Congratulations on maintaining your calm through that. While I haven't experienced this in a work situation, I have been through it while at school. Everyone has these preconcieved notions about what people trying to lose weight *should* eat, but they don't consider that you can still eat things BESIDES salad and celery...like your sausage or, in my case, a rice/lettuce/tomato/cheese/salsa bowl.....less than 500-700 calories.

What also sucks is that "look" people give you....like all of your efforts are hopeless because you're already "too fat" and they don't think you have the will-power to lose weight or whatever. I hate that.

But...

I know you felt embarrassed....and you shouldn't. It was her own fault for being ignorant and criticizing you. Like everyone else has said, you should feel proud of yourself for being a good planner and figuring out your allowances...and not just saying "Oh, well it's just one day...." and splurging.

It's hard to stay confident in your diet when people give you a hard time...even when you're not doing anything wrong...so hang in there and try not to let it bother you too much. :)

Of course it's a lot easier for us to say what we might have said in that same situation.   Infact this thread has pretty well prepared me and got me thinking of all the possible responses I could give.

You are strong... you keep on going, you're doing a great job and the only person on this diet you have to be accountable to is yourself.

People like that just want to make themselves feel more superior or something.. Like you said, she has self esteem issues. She probably just lashed out at you for her own problems. I would have been really upset about something like that too.  :( *hugs*

I know how you feel.  I am deployed (military) right now.  And I am traveling to another base for a day where my only food options will be taco bell, pizza hut, burger king, and baskin robins for the day.  Well, I decided that I was going to "treat" myself to taco bell for lunch that day.  My plan was to have a protien shake for breakfast and a light dinner.  I will be walking around all day and then I would do an hour of cardio when I get back that night.  I had it all planned out.  And I told a friend that I was looking forward to having a chicken quasadilla this weekend.  and he was like "do you really need that?"  I was crushed.  He knows I am trying to lose weight, but it still bugged me.  He doesn't know how much work goes into this.  I have lost 26 pounds so far and I am working really hard at this and I planned out what I could eat and how much exercise I would need to make it not "hurt" my plan.  Don't let others discourage you.  Just remember how strong you are.  There are always going to be situations that we can't control i.e lunches for co-workers.  You did the best you could and everyone deserves the right to eat what they want every now and again.  And ya know what, I am still looking forward to Taco bell, except, now I am flip flopping between that and pizza hut!  Oh the tough days in life!

What a nasty BI***!!!!!! That was really low of her.
I agree with jackattack, some people just need to make others feel bad in a lame attempt to make themselves feel better.

The fact that people got quiet was not because they were embarrassed for you, trust me, they were embarrassed for HER. Thats something that a 14 year old middle schooler would do...

You are good, I would have had no restraint in telling her exactly what I thought of her and where she could go.

Applaud yourself for the progress you have had so far, and the hard work you are putting in now. And also for knowing that you are a good person which is more than can be said for your co-worker! Jeez!

Just to show that it isn't a random thing...a few weeks ago I was reading a great book called "Muscle: The Story of an Unlikely Bodybuilder".  This guy Sam Fussell became an obsessive bodybuilder because he was afraid of being bullied in NYC.  His goal was to get HUGE, which is the opposite of mine, but it's a good book anyway.  My roommate came in for a second, saw the book, smirked, and said "Yeah...'I like to read about exercise more than I like doing it', smiling at me as he watched to see how I'd react".

It's a common fallacy to assume that the people who denigrate others have low self-esteem.  Actually, studies show that most bullies think themselves superior to their victims, which you'd think would be pretty obvious.  People don't pick on those they envy, usually...they pick on those they feel superior to. 

In the case of your co-worker, who knows?  Chances are, at 1000 calories a day, she's one of those types who think EVERYBODY is fat.

Once again, all you can really do is keep plugging away and try to avoid that person if you can.