todays blog-Nourish a Grateful Attitude

In the blog it states,  "realeasing weight requires a calm peace  filled body".

  I felt so excited to read todays blog because I think it is something all overeaters really struggle with...I always say what an emotional eater I am.  How much easier could this be if we could just find ways to help reduce our stress?

  This was a really good blog.  I encourage you all to take a minute to read it and take heart.   I love that they used the words  RELEASING  instead of LOSING weight.  How many times do we say I have been "HANGING ONTO" this weight for so long.  Maybe we do need an attitude of release to help shed our weight.  Something to think about.  Hope you all have a great day!

If stress burned calories, I'd be a super model

You and me both!  I stress over a whole lot in my life that I really just need to let go of....alot of stuff I have no control over which is a big waste of time.

One other thing that article talks about,   (it came on my email so i would guess we all get it)   was being thankful for our bodies, whatever the size or condition.  Being grateful today and not waiting until we are smaller or healthier......I think it is  all about being at peace with oneself enough to love yourself and care for yourself....v  replacing the loathing thoughts with gratitude.   I am grateful I have my fat legs.  They do so much for me.  They take me places and keep me independant.   That was amazingly hard to say.   I had to add the words "fat legs", to eben get the words out.    Not easy work to love yourself and embrace all of you, including your faults.

I am with you on the not waiting til i am smaller, healthier thing.

That post a few weeks ago about all the things we are going to do when we reach our goal made me sad. So many of those things we should be doing NOW.

It IS very sad that we deny ourselves so much....and I believe we should pick things on our list thst we can physically do today and give them a try. 

 I know some things on my list I look forward to, like being able to cross my legs....well that would take some kind of magic.  But alot of the other things I have been working on slowly.

  Because of two dear friends who love and care about me I put on a swimsuit last year and went into the warm gulf waters near Sarasota.  It had been nearly 25 years since I had ALLOWED myself to do this.  It  wasn't that I didn't have opportunities in the past, I just felt so much self loathing and shame.  I can't tell you how painful the walk from the beach to the water was for me, but oh my gosh the reward was from heaven!  I grew up loving to swim, but once I left junior high I just couldn't put myself out there.

  When my kids were growing up we lived right next door to the community pool, all the other young mom's were there in their skimpy suits, and there I sat at a picnic table watching my kids, sweating with long pants on.  I never ALLOWED myself to even wear shorts.

Alot of the denial of pleasure is self imposed, but when you grow up fat, the world can be cruel and it doesn't take much to convince someone they are somehow not worthy of the same things in life as people who are thin.  I thought once I got out of school it was over because I was then in the adult world....  But unfortunately many adults never grow up.

Here is one isolated example of many I will share. 

 When my son was around 7 or 8 years old he was really into rocks.  Had himself quite a collection.  We lived in Ohio at the time and I had read there was to be a gem and rock show in Columbus and they would have lots of stuff there for children.  So I told my son we would make the trip and he could invite 3 of his second grade friends.  We had a terrific time.  It was such a fun day.  It was getting late, so on the way home we drove through a Wendy's for some hamburgers  and pop to eat in the car on the way home.  And then it happened.

   Traffic is really heavy and slow.  A  pickup truck filled with 4 or 5 guys in it, some up front, some in the truck bed, had to stop next to us at a red light.  I think they had some furniture with them in the truck bed.  My window is down because it is a warm day.  And then they started,
   "Hey fat momma what you doing eating that hamburger.  You're too fat to be eating that,  You need some Jenny Craig, give us that hamburger, it's just making you fat and ugly...don't you think your ass if fat enough"

    One stop light would have been more that enough,  but the traffic was so heavy I couldn't avoid them and for the next four traffic lights this went on.  If it were just me ,I think I would have toughed it out a little better, but can you imagine how my little boy felt?  I saw his eyes in the rear view mirror.  I couldn't tell if he was mortified or angry or ready to cry.  A little of everything I am sure.  His friends would giggle some, but even then it was obvious they knew what was happening was wrong.  My son has always been so protective of me, but he was so hurt that day and I have never forgiven myself for not losing this weight when my children were young. That day I was wounded, and so was my child.  I think I would give most anything to go back and change that day. 

We have help learning to hate ourselves, and even if we have a loving mother or father, or supportive spouses and kids, it doesn't erase what mean, thoughtless, judgemental people do to destroy our hearts. When you have been fat your whole life you have many many stories like that one.  Painful damaging stories that are impossible to forget.

I started that post because I think sometimes when we are fat like this for so long we stop dreaming, we almost forget how, and sometimes we just are afraid to dream.

  I hope we can use these post to encourage each other and build back the self esteem that we have allowed others to steal from us.  We are worthy of all those things on our lists and the best time to start realizing those dreams is today and not waiting until we reach our goals.  We are already "good enough to be happy".

This is why I love this site..We can all share our stories..They are all different,  but the same..We all live with the shame and hating ourselves for the way we look and feel..We have to stop doing that right now..WE are worthy of the effort this is going to take to get our health and self esteem back.

Those boys are the ones who should be feeling the shame, not you.. I'm so sorry that your little boy had to see such disgusting behavior from that group of boys..Wouldn't you hate to be THEIR mom.

         &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;            I am 55 years old and have been overweight since I began having my kids in my middle 20's..They never got to see the thin teenager that I was..All the weight came on as an adult..Like you, I am so sorry that my 4 kids had to witness some humiliating times with thoughtless people, but they still love me..And I know they are pulling for me now.

Now, at this time in my life I am finally strong enough to face my food addiction head on..I have used every reason in the world to go off of any diet I have ever been on..Not any more..I am done with the weight and self loathing.

Last week - I had to chose if I was going to leave the last chance I have to get my life back and stick to this new food lifestyle or go back to being the Fast Food Queen....Well - I'm still here with you guys!!!

You were right to call those jerks "boys" in my story,  but the fact was they were all over 21 and two of the men in the back were old enough to have been their fathers.  They had been drinking I am sure.  Some people never mature when it comes to cruelty.

ibeckforme,

Your story touched me to the point of tears.  These kinds of people are the reason we hide and deny ourselves.  I am sure they never gave the whole incident another thought save for laughing about it for a few minutes later, whereas it has scarred you and your son for your whole lives. 

Thanks to you, I am now coming to my own realization of how many things I have denied myself the opportunity to do, and listening to your advice, I am going to try to let myself do some things from my wishlist right now.

Thank you for sharing your story. 

Rah!!!

We have to be our own cheerleaders!!!  We are going to let go of those old hurts and go foreward!!!

It is hard and sometimes it takes more than one try.  I mentally put one old hurt in a basket.  I tie a red balloon on that basket and release it.  I see it float away and I blow it away. 

Smile.  That old hurt is gone. 

Don't ever let it come back and haunt you.  However, if you do find that old hurt again, put it back in it's basket and release it again.  Soon that hurt won't bother to come back!!

Bubbles,

 Thank you for your kinds words.  You are right, I am sure they never felt any remorse, just a good laugh.  Our only recourse against people who show prejudence (spelling?) and cruelty toward us, is to step up and live our lives the best we can in spite of them.  It has taken me a long time to feel this way, and it doesn't take much to "squash me down", but I am gonna keep trying and trying to not deny myself a better life. 

    For awhile, about a year ago, there was alot of chat on the internet and in the news about some airlines that wanted to charge overweight people for two seats if they hung over the seat , or topped a certain weight.  And I think there are some airlines who do this already.  And if that is the case, well then I guess we just suck it up and pay if we want to fly.  But the thing that was so hurtful was when all of this was going on, I was reading the blogs and comments made on line by the general public.  Some comments were so vicious and mean and hateful.  If was as if just seeling a fat person or having to share space with them was the most obnoxious and repulsive thing they could imagine.

      The next time I flew to California I was filled with so much anxiety.  My daughter helped me book my flight and I insisted that I have a window seat with my husband to the right of me so I would not "impose" on anyone.  But then before we left,  I found out the airline had changed our seat arrangements for the return flight  and I was now on the aisle seat.  I almost had a panic attack.  I even thought of not going.  My dear husband helped me through it all,  but on the way home I was miserable.  I also had a slight cold coming back and would cough once in awhile,  and the looks I got were not nice.

Again, we sometimes have alot of help hating ourselves.  But even as uncomfortable as I was on that trip,  I didn't let it stop me from going.  That is my victory, my response to hate.   Before my daughter moved out there, I hadn't flown in over 30 years.   On vacations we always had to drive because I just would not put myself out there.  No more.  I am trying so hard to claim my stake in this world.  I am so happy so many of you are doing the same.

Jump out there and chase your dreams Bubbles, and let us know each time you are successful.  I know I will feel joy inside to know you are taking back your life as well!

Yes!! Ibeck,

I claim my life back! 

Me too, Ibeck !

Before I found this site, I was so alone in this..I am heavier than any friend or relative I have.

The story that you told about those jerks ( I was shocked to find out they were adults!) made me stop and think about some of the times that my weight has caused me or my kids embarrassment.

I had to go on a business trip with a group of people from work..I was so stressed about the plane trip and the seat belt issue.. On the flight up, I just asked for an extension as I passed the flight attendant on my way to my seat.. She was very discrete..The one on the way back was another story..She said in a loud voice that she was going to have to go and find one..Then she brings it swinging down the aisle and says very loudly "Here's your extender".

I am pretty sure that her opinion was I shouldn't have been on that plane if my seatbelt wouldn't fit.

I was never overweight as a child or teenager..I am 5'8" and weighed 118 pounds when I got married..I started gaining after my last child..I have been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and it really kicked in with the weight gain as an adult..So my kids have never had a thin mom..But, hopefully my grandkids will be able to have an average size grandma.

So I had dinner with some friends tonight - one of them was putting herself down so much I just had to stop her and tell her about our group and about this post in particular - about the way we stop ourselves from living our lives.  I just thought I would let you know that your story and your wisdom is touching others besides those of us who are members here.  For me to even share this story and this life lesson was a breakthrough for me, as before I would have just said something that contradicted her putdowns but never really got into the meaningful conversation that we had. 

Thanks again! and good nite!

Bubbles

PS Today I took a chance and tried the elliptical machine at the gym - after having gone there for three months and having kept to the stationary bike because it was safe and not scary for me - but today I mustered up the courage to try it and 350 calories later, I'd say it was a successful venture!  Who knows - maybe next week I'll try that stair climber!  LOL

thanks everyone for sharing your stories.

Textmom,

Thank you so much for the hurtful memories/basket idea.  I love the symbolism of it and I love too that you pointed out that I can just keep putting those memories in that basket until they are gone for good.  I kept a worry jar at one point in my life that was helpful.  It just never occurred to me to do the same with my hurtful memories. You have such great advice!

Bubbles,

Thank you so much for telling me that you were helped by my story and you had the courage to use it to open up to other people.  It felt good hearing that.  I have a tendancy to babble on and on , so knowing at least one person gained some courgage from something so painful....well it is comforting to know something good can come from something so crappy! 

Keep opening up and claiming your happiness.  You are worth it, and you are worth self-respect and respect from others , we all are!

We can all "release this weight"......it takes finding our place of self respect and having the courage to take back our lives.

I am going to the dermatologist in the morning..I have a strange looking  little dry rough spot on my cheek that I have been putting off having checked by a doctor..I HATE to go to the doctor - Fear of the scales in front of the skinny nurses and watching them move that slider over to the 300 lb mark.

But I'm going and I can feel better about it because if he mentions my weight - I can tell the truth and say I'm working on it.

You know, I was just thinking..I don't know about all of you, but it's not just the emotional aspect of the weight, but it's also how it keeps me from taking care of my health..I only went to the doctor recently and got checked out because I thought I was going to die from the swelling and blood pressure..And I have lost one brother at 53 from a heart attack, one brother has had a heart transplant and the other brother has had a stroke...And I don't want to let the nurses see my weight...Boy that is stupid of me!

I have only had 1 PAP smear in 21 years and had to have a D&C then because of questionable results and I have only had 1 mammogram in my life - 5 years ago.

I have not only let my weight keep me from fun stuff with my family but I let it keep me from the doctor...Just writing this all down makes me realize how foolish I have been.

I hope that none of ya'll have been like me and not had your checkups..I am taking the first step and getting this spot checked out and then on to the other body parts.