ok so I just told my husbands ex-wife off!!! Now what? I need opinions!

Ok to try and make this long story short I will explain as short and sweet as I can. For four years I have been putting up with this woman! i have been nice to her when she doesnt deserve it and treated her respectfully even though she doesnt deserve it and yesterday I FINALLY exploded!. First i want to say that she is the worst mother in the entire world. I am not saying this in a jealous way because I am more jealous of a snake in the grass than her. She has 3 children, 2 of which are my step children. I met my husband because his son was friends with mine so I have known the kids longer than my husband. I am going to give you some reasons why I hate her! READY...

• she has been unemployed basically since I have known her and lives off the child support my husband pays (200 week) how she lives on just that I DONT KNOW!
• the kids never have clothes that fit, holes in their shoes etc..we always buy them clothes and send them home with them and never see them again. Now we keep our own clothes.but she always has a tan (in the middle of winter even) nails always done and nice clothes.
• My stepson who is 8 years old cannot tie his shoes, is not potty trained and has failed 2nd grade. We have been potty training him for 4 years! yes #1 & #2! Once we have him a couple days he does good then goes home and then we have to start all over!
• My stepdaughter is 17 and has failed 9th grade for the THIRD time! and has now dropped out of school. She is living in the house with her mom and her 23 year old boyfriend.
• her house is in foreclosure and is being taken away within the next thirty days beacuse she has not paid her $380 mortgage in over 8 months! The worst part is my husband had that house paid off when they divorced and she refinanced it somehow with his name included so this is on his credit report! That is a legal battle right now we are in!
• CPS has been called on her in the recent past (not by us)
• she had half naked pictures of herself posted online until her kids found them and flipped out!
• Over Christmas through about March we were in a court battle because she met a guy online and wanted to pack up and move to Tennessee with the kids after "knowing him " a couple of months. WE WON! $3000 later in lawyer fees, mind you she gets a free one...no job!
• Then she met a guy in Canada and was dating him and was considering relocating but knew it wouldnt happen
• YESTERDAY she tells me to get my money out cuz she is taking us back to court so she can move into Pennsylvania with her new boyfriend...When she said that I SNAPPED! There is a court order stating she is not allowed to relocate without our permission!

I said everything I have been holding in for four years!!!!! We are now going to court for full custody of both children! Enough is enough! My favorite part is she said we can have the kids but can my husband still pay the support? She said it would be like alimony instead....OH MY GOD! Can you believe this woman???

Anyone think we will not succeed in getting custody?

• we are happily married
• we both have good stable jobs
• we are financially well off
• all the kids including mine will have their own bedrooms
• they both will get an education and have a family to help them and support them
• they will be loved and live a better life.
• I believe we are their only chance.

 I need opinions! I only told you like 1/4 of the stuff!

You definitely need to get full custody. There is no excuse for her not having an 8 year old potty trained, that is ridiculous. And a 17 year old still in 9th grade! Everything you listed is beyond crazy to me. I can't see any reason a judge wouldn't give you full custody.

I would just make sure you have as much proof as possible, that way the judge won't even be able to let her keep the kids

I am working on getting everything together. I can prove everything! If it is the last thing I do I will save those kids from that woman! My step daughter is willingly coming to live with us this weekend because she cant even take her mom anymore! So that should help LOT! Her mom hits on her boyfriend! right in front of her!

I do document everything and your right it is all about money for her!

when we just went through court the judge was very unhappy with her because she lied numerous times and was caught. She was also to do parental evaluations as were we and she did not do them. we also had to do drug and alcohol evaluations which we did and she did not. Probably why she lost the case! So I think we may have this on our side as well.

Geez!  Where's Dr. Phil when you need him!

Good luck.  You should be fine, just have all your documentation of all the things she's doing and has done, wrong. As undertherainbow says, if you don't already, keep a journal of ever single incident, every worn out shoe, every bump and bruise. If she leaves messages on your answering machine, save the tapes!

I don't understand that business with the refinancing.  Wasn't a signature needed?  Did she forge it?  If so, isn't she liable for the crime? 

You should have full custody and I am very glad to see that you are going to try your best to get it.   BUT, whether or not you are awarded full custody is yet to be seen.

For your own good I want to give you a very important piece of advice (I am a legal secretary and I have seen way too many situations similar to yours):

When it comes to the legal system, ALWAYS remember that legal, illegal, right and wrong are 4 different things.  Just  because something is right does not necessarily mean it is legal; just because something is wrong does not necessarily mean it is illegal.

That said, gather everything and anything you have that can constitute proof of bad behaviour that is documented on paper.  In family law, proof on paper is hard to get and does not always exist but sure makes it easier for the Judge to make a decision if it's available.  The reason I want you to be really prepared is because she currently has custody.  A previous court awarded her custody or your husband allowed her to have custody.  Either way, it will be an uphill battle to get it overturned now - the Courts are usually very hesitant to do this.  That is why paper proof will be so valuable for you - there should be a report available from CPS, the child's doctor should be able to confirm that the 8 year old is yet to be potty trained (or his school teacher).  The Judge will probably request an interview with the children in his chambers to find out what the children want.  

Besides being a legal secretary, my ex-husband took me to court 14 times trying to obtain custody.  I beat his sorry ass each and every time.  It was an absolute disgrace because all he was doing was threatening me with the custody battle so I would sign over another piece of property (house, car, furniture, stereo, etc) to him.  If I learned anything it was to ALWAYS portray to the Judge, by words and actions, that my first interest and only interest was what was best for the child.  Never waiver from that.  The judge won't care a hoot about any of the adults - only the children.  He will pick the most mature and responsible person to be the custodial parent.

I wish you luck.

I can not imagine any judge not giving you custody of the kids if she is willing to give them up. It sounds like she is the type of person that will use the kids for leverage and say something like, "if you don't pay me $500 a month in alimony, I am going to fight for the kids". Unfortunately, even some horrific circumstances, if the mom wants the kids, she is almost always awarded custody.

Good luck!!! And for the sake of these kids I hope you get them.

They currently have joint custody of the children. As for the refinancing we have a lawyer and are taking the proper steps to get that resolved because yes it is a crime!

She sounds like a truly horrible, irresponsible mother (and a total ho bag but thats beside the point!)

Yes, I think it sounds like a pretty strong case for you and your husband to get full custody. Just make sure you don't show how much you hate her when youre in court! Its probably really hard to be around her and see her, but just take the moral high ground, try not to roll your eyes when she talks, etc. and the judge will be impressed by your patience and restraint in dealing with this woman.

Sounds like youre totally going to win.

Joint custody!!!!! Music to my ears!  In my mind, your chances of winning this have just skyrocketed to an almost sure thing!

As for the refinancing - you'll most likely win that too but unfortunately getting the blight off hubby's credit record may take some time and effort! 

she wasnt even awarded alimony in the divorce! Now 7 years later she wants it? Guess why they got  a divorce???? Well my stepson was diagnosed with cancer when he was a little under a year old. He lived in Childrens hospital for nearly a year. My husband never left his side. He slept there right with him. Well His ex-wife would come and go periodically and the one day My husband decided he was going to go home and shower and check in the house and when he got there his wife was in bed doing it with the neighborhood BUS DRIVER! HELLO your baby is in the hospital with cancer and this is what she is doing??? SCUM OF THE EARTH! that is why they divorced. Matt (my stepson) is in remission...thank god. Ya know when he was sick the town did a fundraiser to help with the expenses and raised alot of money for them. Well my husband paid the medical bills off and donated the rest to childrens hospital and his wife (almost ex) was mad cuz she wanted to buy a new car!!! OH MY GOSH! she is pathetic!

lornajean- you just made me feel better! I think we have a good chance. Also with his daughter living with us that should also help. I want to save these poor kids like you wouldnt believe. I love them so much and they deserve so much better than this. I am really good at keeping my cool. I cant beleive I even lost it yesterday. I can prove that we are the better parents for the kids and they will be better off! I HOPE

WOW! This is looking better and better for you

good lord, what a nightmare! those poor kids! glad you told her off! i don't know anything about the laws, but i hope you keep us updated about this. I have a good feeling you'll be raising those kids right in no time!

I pray to god for that too!

um ... I hate to throw cold water on the parade, but as the biological parent of the children the woman has rights.  You will find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to terminate her rights unless you have evidence of more than just bad behavior ... basically you need a situation that is endangering the children.  Your lawyer can certainly argue that, and a sympathetic judge might go for it.  I think a more likely scenario is that you and your husband will be awarded full custody of the kids and the ex-wife will get visitation rights, perhaps supervised.  Although it's clear that you can't stand this woman, and you probably have every reason to feel that way, she's probably never going to be out of your life as long as the kids are living with you.

I am definitely not saying she can never see the kids again, I just want them to be living with us and visiting her. She is not capable of taking care of the kids. That is so clear. Doesnt the judge look to see who has a more stable life to provide for the children? She wont even have a home after this month. We have a stable life and I have two kids of my own to prove that I know how to raise children in the best way I can. If a judge thinks they are better off living with a mother who cant even teach her son how to use the bathroom, tie his shoes or write his name then I will lose all faith in the system.

Yes, the judge will look at what is in the children's best interest.  But there is also a prejudice against "rocking the boat," so to speak.  Judges don't like pulling kids out of a familiar family situation and changing things up too drastically.  Still, from what you've described, I think it's pretty likely a judge will agree with you that the better living situation your family provides outweighs the trauma of changing the arrangement.  It also helps if they don't have to change schools and build new relationships and stuff.

And I also wouldn't worry too much about her trying to get alimony now.  Generally it's pretty hard to change the terms of a divorce once it's all settled.

well it would be a different school system because they live about 2 hours away. my husband or I go pick them up every weekend. We also have them all the long weekends, vacations, summer (except this one cuz my stepson has summer school). Basically every chance she gets to get rid of them she does. She took off on Christmas to Tennessee and didnt tell anyone until she was there! This was supposed to be her christmas but she pretended like she was being nice and was letting us take him but actually she was just being selfish! He missed 3 days of school cuz she didnt come back till after vacation was over! She wanted us to leave him with a 15 year old babysitter for 3 days so he didnt miss school instead of gettting her ass home!