the triangle: overeating, depression and living alone

has anyone tried to live in a place alone while they have an overeating problem?? how does that affect your efforts to overcome this problem? I would imagine living alone by myself will encourage me to just eat and eat ( I tend to overeat these days). currently, I share with other people and the place is really depressing. I feel depressed and I find myself overeat every time I have an argument with someone there. Maybe if I live alone, I will be better but I am not sure. 

that leads to the second question: if you have a depression, does moving to a new place help with fighting the blues?? or it doesn't really matter??

Original Post by safina1:

 

that leads to the second question: if you have a depression, does moving to a new place help with fighting the blues?? or it doesn't really matter??

 

It's not where you are, its who you are.  Moving will not help you solve your emotional/mental problems.  Those are not rooted in your location.  If moving provides you with the support you need maybe, but simply a new location with new surroundings will do little to change who you are.

Maxx, thanks for the info. :) I was thinking maybe living alone and staying away from the source of anxiety will help fighting the blues. don't you think that changing scenery helps with fighting depression?? 

I think changing scenery, and the people around you, can help, yes.  But at the end of the day, it will not solve your problems.

The people you are living with may be making your depression/overeating problems harder to cope with, they are not causing them.  The overeating is your way of trying to cope with your arguments/irritation, but it is likely that you would cope with other difficulties this way as well.

So moving away from the people you are with may remove a stressor, but in all likelihood something else will come up, like stress over paying rent, anger at a neighbor, etc. that you may end up coping with in the same manner.

If you move to a new location and take advantage of the new scenery by finding a new social outlet, a new distraction, immersing yourself in the culture of your new neighborhood it could be very beneficial.  But if you end up spending most of your time alone in your new place, the change of scenery may not help at all.

EDIT: It would be most beneficial to not only remove yourself from the current situation that is causing problems, but also try to get to the root of your depression/overeating.  I don't know if this is something everyone can do on their own, and you may want to speak with a therapist (sometimes even just 1 meeting, to get things off your chest and really see where you stand is enough! was for me!)

Now, I'm not a professional, nor do I have any sort of psych. background.  I speak from my own and my friends experiences with depression and associated behavioral/emotional difficulties.  Also, I don't know anything about your background/history so please don't take offense to anything I say or imply, just trying to help 

Thanks Maxx:)) that was very helpful and actually I am glad to hear( read) it because it makes me feel that I made the right decision by not living alone and turning down the offer of the apt. I was scared that if I live alone, I will spend my lonely time eating. that is what happened before when I was a student. I rented a studio and all what I did was overeating and oversleeping for long hours. it was very depressing.

I think moving to a new location will help me to find a new social outlet, a new environment which will help a lot. in my current place, I get depressed when I enter the place. it is simply associated with bad memories. and it makes me feel down. 

I was also looking for some replies regarding how living alone can affect eating disorder. 

thanks so much.

hey safina,

actually, you could have situational depression. in which case, moving will help lessen your depression.

but i do agree with maxx in that other stressors may come up, leading to the same coping strategies. 

speaking for myself: living alone definitely increased my overeating tendencies, as i tend to try and "hide" it from people. :(   so this was not a good situation for me.  but, i don't know how your overeating/ED manifests itself.

If you do end up living by yourself, and are nervous about falling into a lonely/overeating/oversleeping pattern - maybe try to get into some sort of therapy before or just after moving into a place alone, so you have some excuse to talk to someone? Being that your a student (?) you should have some sort of health facilities at your finger tips, yes?

In any case - good luck :)

This all depends on how you approach living solo and whether you treat it as an opportunity or a threat.   You can either do as you're doing, anticipating that you'll be sat home alone, eating too much and telling yourself that it's completely inevitable.  Or you can think... I'll be by myself and I need to find interests and activities so that I don't resort to boredom eating or feeling lonely so what do I need to do to make that happen?

Currently where you are sounds appalling and it's not making you happy.  Frankly, anything is better than that.  I know that you'll have less money when you move into a better place but, again, that simply means you have to be more creative about how you spend your time.  There are lots of things you can do that don't cost money.

Good luck

Thanks for the inputs. 

I remember, a few years ago, I rented a studio and I used to sleep in that place more than 14 hours a day. I totally isolated myself. 

I am afraid to give it another try but I think I have changed. now, after I have joined CC, I know better than before. 

where I am now is associated with bad memories. i really want to leave but not sure where.

If you understand the past you have the opportunity to change the future.  It might be a challenge, might take some effort and you might have to do things that you're not initially comfortable with but that's how we progress as human beings .... by meeting challenges, putting in a little effort and stepping outside of what's strictly comfortable from time to time.

If you've decided you want to leave put all your efforts into finding a new place and give it top priority...  you will feel more positive if you are in charge of what's happening.  Whereas currently you're at the mercy of other people's choices.   'Doing' means it'll happen, 'wanting' means it won't.   

It is a challenge emotionally AND financially. I can handle the first one but not sure about the second.

I can really relate to you.  I used to live in a shared house and i was completely miserable.  I didn't overeat as a result but i was definitely stressed a lot and depressed with the situation.

Have you got a close friend that you could move in with rather than on your own?  Then if you felt like over eating you could talk to someone you trust?

So you're saying that depression and overeating are fair exchange for having a little more money in your back pocket?....  If you were truly miserable in your current accommodation you wouldn't let a little thing like having to economise hold you back.

Besides.... the initial discomfort of having less money could be the incentive you need to get a better paying job.   A better-paying job might be more rewarding intellectually.   It could put you in the way of new people... a new social life, perhaps.  

Hi. I think a change can help but is not always the cure. Of course if you are living in a horrid situation now like a bad roomate etc then a move may just be what you need. If the move is to just get away from thoughts or past reminders of experiences then it can go either way. Problems follow a person. At times I moved and wondered why nothing changed. It was because I did the same things that made me sad at the old place in the new. So if you move finding ways to for example not allow yourself to isolate or sleep 14 hours a day. I think a combo approach can make life better. I'm not sure your finances and maybe the move is not possible now but can be a goal and that goal can maybe make the current issues lessen with the hope that it will work out. Good luck in your choice

Original Post by gi-jane:

 again, that simply means you have to be more creative about how you spend your time.  There are lots of things you can do that don't cost money.

Good luck

 

 

I am not worried about how I will spend my time without spending too much money. In fact, since the apt is close the gym, I will be spending most of my time working out, walking, cooking, and caring for my plants:) it is just that I am worried about my future with little savings. what if I need to travel to see my family who lives overseas? or I want to change jobs and need extra cash in the transition? that is the whole point. Living from paycheck to paycheck is what holds me back. any thoughts on that? 

and thank you sooo much. I feel much better now about living alone:) I am sure I will not go back to my old habits. I think it is just a matter of finances now.

About food... I found that living alone made it a whole lot easier to control my eating.  All the food in the house had to be brought in by me so that meant that when I was at the grocery store I had to look at labels and decide purchase by purchase if this was something I really wanted to be eating.  Then, when I was at home, there was never a chance to go and dip into snack foods offered by somebody else. 

If you feel that you have depression then you should definitely go seek medical advice.  From my personal experience, living alone can be tougher in some ways if you are feeling down because there isn't a build in support network in the place where you live.  On the other hand, if your living situation just causes you worry or upset then look at living alone as an opportunity to select being around those people who are a positive influence and are supportive.  Plus, if you can spend some time outdoors, maybe socially walking, it's a good habit that maybe won't fix your problems but is free and probably will make you feel a little better.

Original Post by safina1:

Living from paycheck to paycheck is what holds me back. any thoughts on that? 

 

 

There are ways to generate cash and save cash.  You can get evening or weekend jobs, for example.  If your new place has a spare room, advertise for a lodger to share the bills.  If you have 'stuff' you don't need, sell it on EBay.  Eat more cheaply, grocery shop with a list, use fewer utilities, dispense with the unnecessary things, buy second-hand rather than new...  Invite friends over for dinner rather than eating out.  Take packed lunches to work. Sell the car and buy a bicycle.  Make presents rather than buying them.  Use cash rather than credit cards.  And if you only have £10 left at the end of the month, save it.

What do you do for a living and what are your hours? Back in the day when I needed to make extra money I waitressed.  You can make really good money and the hours can work with your schedule based on the place you pick. You stated the place you want to rent is near a gym but is this place maybe too expensive and if you could find a place cheaper but it would allow you to live alone still?

Abbi, I have an office job, from 9-6.I have thought about the waitress job but I m pretty sure they won't accept me. a few years ago, I have tried to work as a waitress when I was at my heaviest 200+ and no body wanted to hire me. I am assuming it was because of my weight. anyway, it is a good idea to think about when I lose some weight.

I checked many other places and they are far from work ( will cost transportation) so the difference will be something like $200 more or less. it is not that big difference.

Well, I went to the other cheap place today and I am not sure that I have any positive feelings about it. it doesn't have kitchen at all. and the residents are not allowed to cook in their rooms. I feel anxious when I hear noise. like flushing the toilet. will I be ok there? I don't know what I am doing. I just gave them my application. 

Original Post by safina1:

has anyone tried to live in a place alone while they have an overeating problem?? how does that affect your efforts to overcome this problem? I would imagine living alone by myself will encourage me to just eat and eat ( I tend to overeat these days). currently, I share with other people and the place is really depressing. I feel depressed and I find myself overeat every time I have an argument with someone there. Maybe if I live alone, I will be better but I am not sure. 

that leads to the second question: if you have a depression, does moving to a new place help with fighting the blues?? or it doesn't really matter??

 

Well, I am 45 and have lived "alone" all my adult life. I was engaged at one point and had my ifance move in (2 years we lived together) and I have watched my weight move up and down like a yo-yo. I too suffer from the effect of depression causing over-eating and the cycle of not knowing what to do about it. I even let dr's medicate me (and those pills themselves cause weight gain).

 I feel for you, as it's soo hard to get out ofthe rut, and break free of these self-destructive behaviors and get to a happy place. I can't say it was any 1 thing that caused me to stay focused and on-task for weight loss, and a happy life style.

Sure I'm over weight, but I never thought getting a job would be hard for me as I'm a Chef - nor did I think finding a mate would so frustrating.

After the past 4 months I can look back and say I did "find the cure" and oddly enough it's the gym. running like a bat out of hell to get rid of the stress of unemployment, squabbling family, annoying neighbors and all the other things that annoy you has worked wonders. After the first 30 minutes the endorphins kick in, and it just feels so GREAT when I'm done. My body is totally spent, my clothes are soaked but mentally I feel I could rule the world.

I've lost over 40lbs, and usually staying of track with my food-program isn't that hard. I only eat whole-foods, have no draw to fast food and don't starve myself. I can usually average 4lbs a weeik in loss (not this week). It's the 80% rule you know.

Moving won't solve your problems, it will change circumstances but you can't run/hide from yourself (nor can I). If need be, seek friends first for support and somewhere to vent and lean on. Failing that, counsellors, psychologists, etc may be of help to you.

Personally, basic human interaction makes me feel better. I hang out at chapters, browse the books and randomly talk to people. Sometimes it's really hard to kick myself out of the apartment, but when I remind myself how much better I will feel, I just say to myself "I know you don't want to, but just DO IT ANYWAY".

The first steps are the hardest, I hope and pray you will make a personal commitment to better mental health and do whatever you need to do!

Cheers

Chef Gregory

could you maybe save some money by not buying a gym membership, and instead doing exercise outdoors, free of charge? or in your apartment? (when/if it gets too cold out doors)

i agree with gi-jane about obtaining a bicycle somehow. use that for your main means of transportation and you'll see the weight melt off. and try simply running out doors. run/walk combo. intervals. i have seen many people close to me drop over 100 lbs in a year more or less without a gym membership, and by simply exercising outdoors or in their apartments.

as far as the one apartment you checked out that gave you bad vibes - you may want to steer clear of it. the fact that, first of all, your instincts kind of turn you off of it, plus it doesn't have any sort of kitchen and not allowing any cooking in your room, well that could tack on a whole new set of bills for eating out and buying take out all the time - which could also add onto the waist line :(   ..just sounds like a bad situation to begin in.

I agree with others about the bad vibe apartments. Are you in the US? If you look on craigslist sometimes you can find a sublet for cheaper cause people are desperate to get out of their lease. I am sorry you felt your weight impacted being able to get hired. I had a friend though I waited with who was very plus size and she got a job doing it. Now some places I agree will for what ever reason being whether overweight,underweight,appearance,skin what ever will not hire a person. It is not right as all people who can do the job should be given a chance. What about babysitting? Even if you do it on a Saturday night.