Having trouble going to maintenance - please help...

Last time I weighed myself a few weeks ago I was 126lb. This was, vaguely, sort of, my goal weight. 9 stone. BMI of 22.3. Healthy. Perfect. I am 5'3".

But now I am here I am having trouble going to maintenance. It is NOT the usual problem of not being happy with my body or appearance. I don't want to be thinner. I am so happy with how I look I practically fall over when I look at myself in the mirror. I never liked skinny, I'm not skinny. I have curves (34DD!) and hips and a little waist and I'm really happy. I wake up wriggling looking at my slender thighs and little hips and smile so much. I've had SO many compliments. (I still look loads bigger in photos, but my mate who's  absurdly tiny, about a UK size 6 looks genuinely fat in pictures, so, it's just one of those things)

But I'm still eating "weight loss" calories. Somewhere, deep down, I am afraid of losing this new me. It's taken 50 lb, 5 years. Every time I eat a bit more, try and up my calories, I feel like I'm - growing.

I could buy scales to chart my weight, to convince myself eating up to 1800/day will NOT make me gain weight (presumably it shouldn't?) - but I've managed to lose 50lb and get to my goal weight by only weighing myself every couple of months and not having scales in the house, so it seems so ridiculous to have to buy them now.

I must sound like such an idiot. Does anyone have any advice?

(stats if people want them for advice - 5'3", 29 years old, 126lb, eat 1300-1500 cals a day, about 1-2hrs walking every day, have a gourmet restaurant type meal maybe once every two weeks though I eat fairly sensibly even there. I eat very clean, mostly though not exclusively vegetarian and fish. I'm an excellent and inventive cook...)

Would working up to the right calorie intake *slowly* help you? Like, instead of 1300 - 1500 a day, maybe 1400-1550 per day for a couple weeks, then 1450 - 1600 for a week, etc, until you're up to your 'maintenance range'. I know that's not ideal, but it might help reassure you, as you tiptoe up towards healthy, that you're really not going to undo all the fine work you've done.

And on that note- congratulations!

I can relate to being unsure of being able to indulge in those extra 500+ calories after watching what you eat.  I upped my calories by about 100 a week to get to my maintenance approx 1800 and I did end up losing an extra couple pounds that I wasn't really planning on.  As long as I keep within maintenance calories I haven't gained at all.   I have been maintaning for almost a year.  It sounds like you have healthy eating habits with your clean diet too, so I think you will do great!

I understand completely. I've dropped down to 114 which was more than what I originally wanted to be but I'm scared of upping calories. However, I agree with jan. Perhaps upping 100 cal a week and seeing the results will help you baby-step your way to your maintance calorie intake. Good luck to you and congrats on your recent weight lost. I'm sure you look fantastic!