Does true love exist?

I'd like to hear your opinions/stories.  I'm pretty much at the end of my rope and would love to jump off the proverbial cliff if you know what I mean.  I'm turning 31 next week and live in one of the "statistically worst" cities in the US for dating and finding love.  So w/o the perfect cookie cutter body, where does someone like me find someone like you?  I'm a good person and have a great extended network of friends so it's not like I'm a social freak who never gets a look...I just never get a second look.

To me Love is more than just an emotion.  It's also in the way you treat someone.  The way you literally care for them and their well-being.  I have yet to find someone that can walk the walk.

I guess I'm just looking for HOPE.  Please...no bashers...it's obvious I don't need that right now :(

 

edit*  I think I may not have been clear in the above post.  I am pretty comfortable with myself and have few hang ups.  I think I'm pretty, smart, fun, outgoing...etc.  I am simply discouraged that the only attention I seem to get from the opposit sex is sexual in nature or from old men.  I know exactly who I am and what I want.  And I don't expect perfection from anyone.

2nd edit* Hey all.  I just wanted to thank you for all you had to say.  I think I'm struggling in my love-life right now overall.  My ex was not good to me...now that I'm genuinely moving on, he is all over me texting, calling, emailing.  I'm annoyed that he could never treat me like I was a priority when we were together, but now he wants to try a relationship again.  All my friends say NO WAY.  But my mother says she has the feeling that I'm not giving him a chance.  This from the woman that said, "you need to try and lose at least 50 lbs, that way someone might actually want you".  It's hard to hear those things from someone who is supposed to love you no matter what.  It makes me feel very inadequate.

Anyway...it seems like most of the time I'm very happy and feel fulfilled in my life.  But when I really let myself think about all these things I realize how insecure I am about my weight.  So, how do you get past feeling fat, unworthy of love, inadequate....so that you can truly let love in?  How do you make the right choices about love (ex problem above)?  I want to have romantic love in my life.  I want good things for myself.  I'm always doing things to live a full life, but I still feel empty sometimes.  How do you move past that?

Yes. True Love does exist and you can find someone to be Truly Loved by (and to Truly Love).

Keep hoping. The right person is out there somewhere.

yes it exists!  You can't be looking for the perfect person, they don't exsist.  You need to find someone who makes you feel like you are a better person when you are around them...and they with you.  They will let you done and disappoint you...you will as well.  It isnt about that. 

But yes...I met the love of my life 18 years ago and its better now then ever before! 

ahhh...hk, we wrote at the same time...we are such mushes...

I don't know that I think there's one "right" person, there's a few. But I agree with kae. The right person will love and accept you as you are, will treat you the way you want to be treated, will afford you respect and trust. And will be worthy of all that in return from you.

I'm right there with you...I'm 25 and I have never been in love!  Well..I've never been in a relationship where I was in love...if that makes since...I dunno...I'm beginning to feel like it will never happen...and I know all that "stop looking and he will come" rhetoric...but you know...thats just what it is...no one is looking for perfection, because no one if perfect...but it would be nice to find a funny, charming, romantic but not mushy guy, who happens to be taller than 5'11"  !!!

I certainly don't expect perfection.  I do expect effort though.  I seem to find these guys that just want to shag me.  I don't trapse around like a hussy and I treat others with respect.  For some reason the only guys that hit on me are literally telling me how great my a** is and how they'd like to get into it...or...men my father's age are coming on to me.  It makes me feel like crap. 

I'd say "love" exists, but the possiblity of you finding the "Movie perfect" love isn't...

Sorry to be the negative one here... 

Love is so many different things to so many different people, and truth be known, someone could love you with all they have and that not be enough....

I know how you feel about thinking you aren't perfect, nobody is... And to someone you maybe perfect in so many ways... Patience my dear!!!

But one thing I do know is that you can't love someone else, until you can have love and self-respect for yourself... That is probably the most important item most relationships are missing! 

This is one aspect in my life that's been missing for a while and the area I am working on most to improve, the rest will fall into place!  Good luck!!! Hope that didn't sound mean! 

Stranger than fiction life is; sadly our expectations of love and life are usually very outlandish as we have become indoctrinated by mass media. The reality of true love is to love yourself first, know yourself well and then you'll know what you want. If you know what you want then finding your true love amounts to finding someone that knows what they want. Abviously there are a lot of people out there and we all blame our currents for our previous baggage weather or not we are aware of that is a whole diffrent story. So I found my true love in a time of need, we clicked and we've never looked back. Insecurities get in the way of life so get rid of them.

Original Post by jess1979:

But one thing I do know is that you can't love someone else, until you can have love and self-respect for yourself...  

that's what i've come to discover.  this is also what led em to break up with the person i thought was the love of my life.  see, i wanted so badly to be with someone i kept compromising, to the point that i wasn't in the kind fo relationship i wanted to be in.  he really was a wonderful man, but the timing wasn't right.  we still love each other though.

i guess what i'm saying is that in your quest for love, don'T lower your standards.  wait, be patient, and he will come.  i haven't met him yet, but i know i'll meet someone great.  i've seen it happen to my friends and family, so it can happen to me too.  and of course you as well!  just focus on yourself for the next while.  take classes that interest you, go places you'Ve never been.  being single can be great too, so take advantage now.  the more new things you do, the more you expose yourself to new people and increase your chances of meeting someone new.

you just gotta have faith and patience.  and things will work out.

Jess, that didn't sound mean at all.  But like I said, I don't expect perfection.  My problem is that the ONLY men that hit on me are old men and perverts.  I can't remember the last time a gentleman hit on me.  Why do guys have to make comments about our body parts?  I never hear, "you're eyes are gorgeous"  or  "you are so positive and so fun, I want to know more".  Never.  And I don't think I'm bad looking.  I'd give myself a 6.5 easily.  I don't think there's anything wrong with not being gorgeous.  I'm ok with being cute/pretty.  I just don't know how I'm ever going to meet the right person for me when I get so many advances from jerks.  It also doesn't help that my mother has started referring to me as a confirmed bachelorette!  Argh!

no matter WHAT you look like the preverts will make comments.  they're perverts.  that's what they do.  act pervy.

you just have to ignore them.  giving them attention (either my flipping them off or anything else) only makes the comments worse.  the nice guys don't tend to make comments.

Original Post by sngbrdchls77:

Jess, that didn't sound mean at all.  But like I said, I don't expect perfection.  My problem is that the ONLY men that hit on me are old men and perverts.  I can't remember the last time a gentleman hit on me.  Why do guys have to make comments about our body parts?  I never hear, "you're eyes are gorgeous"  or  "you are so positive and so fun, I want to know more".  Never.  And I don't think I'm bad looking.  I'd give myself a 6.5 easily.  I don't think there's anything wrong with not being gorgeous.  I'm ok with being cute/pretty.  I just don't know how I'm ever going to meet the right person for me when I get so many advances from jerks.  It also doesn't help that my mother has started referring to me as a confirmed bachelorette!  Argh!

 If you feel negativity towards your looks or yourself in any way, you project that outwards and people pick up on it. I know this from personal experience. I didn't want to believe that I was projecting this kind of thinking outwards, but I now know that it is true. When I quit projecting the thought pattern that only jerks will hit on me, that only jerks and old men find me attractive, guess what happened? I had numerous offers from a variety of wonderful men and then I found B.

I made a conscious decision to allow love in my life. I carried a beautiful piece of rose quartz with me to remind me that love for me was a possiblity. I slept with a piece of rose quartz under my pillow. Every night before I went to bed, I meditated and told myself I was willing to allow love to come into my life. I quit looking for love, I just allowed the possiblity of love to enter my life. Then B entered my life and 1 1/2 years later I moved in with him.

Imagine and believe. Let go of the negative thoughts of yourself.

Love and light to you.

Mooni

I believe it does exist, it's just a very hard thing to find. As in all relationships you have to work through every aspect and part of it for every kind of relationship has it's ups and downs. I agree with moonikins, you have to feel confident to get the right kind of attention. You need to hold your chin up and give a smile letting others know you are just as good as them and you are not only that, but a very kind person.

May I add that you look a lot like Kirsten Storms to me!

http://www.rtl.nl/components/soaps/daysofourl ives/images/storms4_234x330.jpg

http://www.frontiernet.net/~dlcowart/storms6. jpg

That's definitely something to be proud about!

There's always hope so don't let it get dashed.  It sounds funny but when you don't look and just let things happen it seems to go easier.  My best friend did just that and she got a perfect 10 for her.  They compliment each other, complete each other and really *are* that match we all hope to find.

So many others looked the other way out of petty issues but I look at those people as speedbumps for both of them on the road to being truly happy.

Sounds like you've got a great outlook and you're doing the right things so it'll happen! Hang in there

I found my true love when I was really young ;) we met at 19...he moved in wt me at 21 and we've been living together for 6 yrs already...we are celebrating our 2nd wedding anniv in Nov...

I think we were lucky that we have found each other :)

perfect love and perfect merriage is hard to achieve...i don't belive in perfect, i belive in being there for each other, in making it work no matter what .

i never was the "pink love fluffy heart" kind of a person...

 silentdeadlyrose ~  Thanks for the compliment!  She is pretty and it's always cool to look like a celebrity {{{{{}}}}}

For the others ~ I don't really share the feelings I have of my frustrations with friends.  I just always try to project positivity and my friends have told many people that is the only way they see me. 

Perhaps because I am so observant of the behaviors of others, I recognize the rudeness more often.  I'm a real people watcher and I think that my open personality makes these men think that I am "up for anything".  I don't know.  I honestly don't think I'm projecting negative thoughts, because I generally don't have them.  I rear my frustrations HERE in CC land, but never say these things in "real life".  I really am pretty happy-go-lucky and don't think negatively until I'm alone and give myself time to really analyze my experiences.  Maybe I need to start verbializing my thoughts to my friends and they can give me hands-on perspective into what I project out into the world?

Real love exists... I think "true" love is a concept created by, bugled about, and rubbed in the faces of everyone by valentines day and romance novels.  I have been with the same guy since I was 16 (9 years) and we're still in love.  Mind you, that love has grown and evolved and matured in 9 years... we were "kids" when we met, after all.  My DBF is by no means a romantic, but 9 years into it, we still hold hands in the car, kiss and hug for no reason, and appreciate each other's company.  We can fight like dogs, and love like rabbits (hah!) and we have a mutual respect for eachother. 

I don't think that the overly romanticized concept of "love" is "real love"... but I still enjoy it, which is why I'm a sucker for romance novels!  Does it make me wish I had that kind of "love"?  Sometimes.  Does it make me appreciate what I do have?  Absolutely.

I am in a similar situation as you are, i.e. 32 years old, single, attractive, feeling as though my available dating pool is somewhat limited, and wondering what the heck is wrong with me.  I would definitely suggest consulting a few of your close friends to see what they think about the image that you project and how you interact with people.  

Recently one of my male coworkers took me aside and told me that even though I talk about getting married and having more children those thoughts are really contrary to the image that I project.  He and another male coworker (men really can be so sweet sometimes) gave me some pointers on how I should dress and style my hair differently.  They even told me that I needed to change the shoes that I wear LOL It's made a world of difference in how I feel about myself and in turn I have been definitely turning more heads and getting approached by guys that I consider to be reasonable dating material.  Good luck with your endeavors.

I am 18 and in my first relationship now. Even though I've only been dating him for a month, I have already learned a bit about finding a guy.

I know my guy isn't perfect. But personally, I don't want a perfect guy. Things would be way too boring if he were perfect. In fact, it's his imperfections that I like about him.

Maybe your "happy-go-lucky" attitude makes men feel that you are simply being fake? I don't mean to offend you or anything, being a happy person is nothing to be ashamed about. Like when I would get uncomfortable or something around my boyfriend, I would try to just brush it off and not mention it. But he said he'd appreciate it if I let him know what was wrong so he could try to fix it for me.. :)

This is a question that I had asked myself for some time .... it's not easy sometimes to believe that true love can exist when there are so many out there just looking for a good time.  I spent time on some of the 'dating' websites just to find out that many of the men on there are really just looking for a roll in the hay.  But ... when I wasn't even really looking I lucked into a great guy who loves me through and through .... who told me right from the start that we could take things as slow as I wanted .... and who is still by my side 3 years later. 

There will always be flakey pervs out there - but there are some really good guys out there as well.  The right one will appear to you and it will be great.  In the mean time, just keep being true to yourself - do the things that you enjoy and be the person that you want to be .... you are a gorgeous, confident, intelligent woman and that energy will bring the right guy your way!