Trusting my Body

The one problem I seem to keep running into is trusting my body with food. As crazy as it sounds, I feel as though I'm constantly at war with my body. I don't trust it, and it doesn't trust me.

I feel constantly hungry, yet putting on weight ridiculously fast and collecting a noticeable amount of belly fat (and it's FAT..not water or a bloated digestive tract). I have gotten past the binging and excessive bloating that comes with early recovery.. But now I just always feel hungry..unless I eat a freakishly huge amount (like probably 4000+ cals). But I'm so afraid to let myself eat to satisfaction, especially at the rate I'm gaining now, and the ever-increasing belly. =[[ I'm sooooooo tempted to restrict again, but i know that'll make things worse.. so i'm not gonna even consider going down that path.. What have others done to regain the trust of their body? And how did you go about trusting your body again? I'll do whatever it takes to get over this.

Oh yeah, forgot about the stats.. I'm a 16 yr old male, 132 lbs, 5'7" and I eat between 2500 and 3000 cals per day.

Most 16 year old males eat wayyyy more than 3000 calories a day, and that's just to maintain when they are active and young!

Your body will need to learn to trust you long before you can learn to listen to it.

Really try to stop going below 3000 calories on any day and aim to eat more on days where you exercise. Your weight is good now so maybe try weightlifting if it's not too early? Often fat put on around the waist moves by itself after a few months once your body trusts you to not restrict. Restricting can only prolong the difficulties you are experiencing. Be patient with yourself.

V

Original Post by goobyb:

And how did you go about trusting your body again? I'll do whatever it takes to get over this.

It's not about 'trust' really, it's about 'habit' and 'confidence'...   Getting into a regular eating habit that matches your energy needs is the first point.... and a growing teen needs a lot of food so calling it 'freakish' isn't particular accurate or helpful.  If you're hungry, eat.

The confidence will come in time.  Over time you'll see that you're not ballooning in weight and you'll feel happier.   You're almost certainly going to get taller... that needs to be taken into account.... and you may develop in other ways as you move from boyhood to manhood.  All the boys in my family tend to put weight on around the middle and develop a voracious appetite right before a growth spurt.  But if you eat mostly good wholesome foods and make sure you're reasonably active, that will help everything slot into place nicely.

Thanks for the advice everyone! B)

vwiggins: You do have a point.. I shouldn't expect things to click overnight. And I am by no means going to even consider restricting. I really don't want to prolong this. I am considering to get back into some weightlifting and cardio (not EXCESSIVE mind you). But what would be 'too early'? I mean, I've only been at a BMI of 20+ for a little over a week or two.. so would that be too early? I guess the belly is particularly shocking for me, because I've never stored much weight there. It's all gone to my legs.

gi-jane: I think that's really what I need to see. I need something to enforce the idea that I'm not going to balloon in weight forever. Hopefully then I can lose that typical "I'm different...so none of this applies to me" mindset. I do for the most part eat wholesome foods (though a little variety wouldn't hurt). I do try to throw in the occasional cookie.. And I do go on occasional walks after school. It's not so much with the intent of burning calories, but to just get the heck out of my house. Starting today, I'm going  to honestly eat until I am satisified and not cheat myself out or anything, and see how it goes..

Thanks again for all the help you've given me! =]

you need to give yourself time yur body is still in catchup this takes a long time , hunger is a good thing , and you need to eat if your hungry its no trick . try to stop worring about what if ? the balloning i think this is the ed talking and tricking you . 4000 is not excess for a lad of your age and it takes time for the weight to distribute , keep up the good work hang on in there it will come good in the end h xx

But what would be 'too early'? I mean, I've only been at a BMI of 20+ for a little over a week or two.. so would that be too early?

Basicly you need to be sure that your body is internally in good shape and you are mentaly in the right place.

If your bones and heart are healthy then a little weightlifting and some cardio will do you good (as long as you keep eating enough to put on a bit more weight). If they are not up to it starting any exercise could exacerbate things. It's worth seeing a Dr if you are in doubt.

If you even suspect a tiny bit that exercise could turn into a new obsession then it's also too early it's worth waiting until you are well for a good while before changing what you are doing, esspecailly since you are doing well.

what wiggins said a while ago is true. your body will need to trust you long before you can trust it.

you screwed your body over by starving it. it doesnt trust that you are going to feed it regularly, so it is going to stay constantly hungry and try to gain back to your pre-eating disorder weight plus about ~10% to prevent a recurrence of the same thing.

your body knows exactly how to behave - it knows how to keep you well and healthy and you messed with that. trusting your body doesnt mean it will fix firmly on a weight that you are happy with, it will stay on a weight it is happy with. thats the thing you have to trust. that your body knows whats best for you.

the incessant hunger will settle as long as you continue to feed it appropriate quantities of food. right now 3000 is a good number. the more you obsess about being in control - the more frightened your body will be that you are going to restrict again. so please try to eat to satisfy your hunger and eating 3500 wouldnt be an extraordinary amount.

tessa1223: I always feel as though I'm mistaking hunger for something else, like thirst or an emotion. I'm thinking you might be right, that it's ACTUAL hunger. I mean, nothing satisfies me. An enormous, filling, calorie dense meal would give me the same satisfaction as eating a small salad. Now that you mention it, I do think the ballooning I see/feel is mostly related to the ED voice. I did actually get several remarks from people about how skinny I still look. Thanks for your words of encouragement! I wish you the best of luck as well!!

vwiggins: The only thing I feel that could turn into an obsession is the cardio. To be honest, I'm not really sure what a normal amount of cardio would be.. But either way, I think I'm going to hold off on the cardio until I'm in a better mindest, like you said.. A combination of cardio and really bad body image is a recipe for disaster. I also want to avoid weakening my immune system too much as well. I've already been sick sooooo many times this year, and I really can't afford to get the infamous swine flu.. (3 cases at my school already o_O )

fidget84: That's the thing that really freaks me out.. That my body's happy weight won't be my happy weight. If what you're saying is true, does that mean my hunger will stop when I reach 175 lbs plus more?? After all, that was my pre-ED weight.. Or will it level off at a relatively normal and healthy weight for my height, such as 140 lbs? *sigh* But no matter what, I'll try and be consistent with my calories. I'm already aiming for 3000+ today. I'm at around 2500 right now total for the day. When I have dinner in a bit, it should put it around 3000 (+/- a hundred) B)

Thanks for all the responses everyone! You've all been incredibly helpful! =]

FIDGET-hi, 1 thing, u say pre-ed weight, plus 10%, what if u were overweight pre-ed, and then plus more?

I'm happy to say I ate well over 3000 today. I calculated it to be around 3200 cals today. Perhaps best of all, I didn't feel guilty about it. I just kept eating and eating.  I did do a short walk today (0.5 mi... if that) but it wasn't with the intent of burning calories. I actually went to the grocery to pick up some more stuff for me to munch on and stick in my afternoon smoothie. Hopefully tomorrow will turn out just as good, if not better than today.

well done goobyb , keep battling this you can do it hope you have a better day h x

Part of trusting your body is not being destructive to it. It is the only way for your body to balance and trust it will get fueled. Your hunger cues are off because it takes time for both the mind/body to know you are going to take care. Try to think of it every time you eat your body and mind does not know if you will restrict soon like in the past. Also though you may be fueling more now it takes awhile to repair. So part of the wanting to eat is to repair. Try to stay in the day. Like you I worry about getting to X weight or if I go overboard. What does that worry do for me now and what I have to do? Nothing it just creates anxiety. Focus on today. You are very yong and a male who needs a lot of calories. Most young guys eat over 3000 just to maintain. Being consistent is very key for your body and mind to trust.

this is the link to the after effects of starvation. i didnt read the whole blog. but it details the landmark minnesota study carried out in the 50's where they figured out what happened during and after starvation. short of posting the actual journal article - this is a good account.

http://www.bulimiahelp.org/book/restrictive-e ating-studies/ansel-keys%E2%80%99s-minnesota- semi-starvation-study

abbi333: That's perhaps one of the best points brought up. "Focusing on today".. I think many other ED sufferers could benefit greatly by listening to that piece of advice. I think one thing I tend to focus on is what will happen when my caloric needs won't be as high. I'm worried that I'll still have the same appetite despite my lowered calorie needs.

Thanks for the article fidget! Very interesting read..

Agruskin, based on what the article said at the end, the weight is supposed to naturally return to its genetic set point. Unless you have a predisposition to carry more weight, I highly doubt you, or me for that matter will return to being overweight, provided that we maintain healthy lifestyles. =]

i once had a therapsit who told me she thought id never be overweight again.  in a sick way its always comforted me, but i repeat, i sick reassurance.

MAYBE i will be, but i have a feeling weight has nothing to so w happiness-unless ur physically unhealthy.

1 thing tho, i did eat more yesterday than normal+today i was less hungry, still wanna gain so it didnt matter, but in the future, i know, my body will balance itself out, i will be able to eat intuitively!

Original Post by agruskin:

i once had a therapsit who told me she thought id never be overweight again.  in a sick way its always comforted me, but i repeat, i sick reassurance.

MAYBE i will be, but i have a feeling weight has nothing to so w happiness-unless ur physically unhealthy.

1 thing tho, i did eat more yesterday than normal+today i was less hungry, still wanna gain so it didnt matter, but in the future, i know, my body will balance itself out, i will be able to eat intuitively!

 You're right..weight SHOULDN'T have anything to do with happiness. It is only a number, but for many of us it means the difference between a good day and a bad day.

That's pretty neat how your body balanced out the calories like that! That's definitely a sign of being pretty well into recovery. Mine obviously doesn't do that yet, but I am quite surprised at its ability to regulate the macronutrient ratios nearly perfectly.

it will goobyb. but you are very early into recovery. like i said earlier - your body will take a long time to trust you again. there are lots of hormonal controls on weight that relay to a region in your brain called the hypothalamus. differenent neurohormones convey different msgs. after starvation some of these hormones are produced in response to msgs sent from your adipose tissue, ie: your fat cells.

fat cells can actually tell the brain about the adiposity of the body. when fat cells shrink very rapidly, msgs sent to the hypothalamus cause the hypothalamus to then send hormones to the blood causing rapid gastric emptying - which makes you feel hungrier much faster, it also causes food to move more rapidly throught the digestive tract, again increasing hunger. it also causes you to lay down the calories into your very empty glycogen stores (glycogen stores are stored carbs in muscle and liver, not to be confused with fat - which are surplus to glycogen). anyway these all contribute to extra hunger. and one other neurohormone causes something called poststarvation hyperphagia - causing enormous appetite. this will will will settle. but you have to have to have to feed your body and gain weight

GOOBY-macronutrient? what do u mean? it just means the body can balance satiety from day to day, dont get caught up in that stuff!

Hey goobyb -

My advice is to trick your body that it's always going to eat.  Try eating small meals 200-250 calories every 2 hrs...maybe even 300.  It makes your body think your always eating, so therefore it helps get you out of starvation....Believe me, it works! :)  Also try taking some multi-vitiamins if you can.  And eat those calories!!!

fidget84: That's pretty fascinating how all that works. Our bodies truly are amazing! I know it's still pretty early in recovery for me. I'm trying pretty hard to stay consistent with my cals and being real easy with the amount of exertion I'm doing. I'm sticking to an occasional walk to the beach with my music with the sole intention of getting some fresh air after a long day at school.

agruskin: By macronutrient, I was talking about carbs, proteins, and fats. I used to have a very irrational fear of fats and carbs and would try to avoid them. I'm happy to say I've gotten over this! And I've even discovered that my body asks for foods containing a particular macronutrient when it needs it. So I rarely ever focus on them anymore. Plus I've been told time and time again that, at least while gaining, limiting a particular macronutrient isn't necessary.

re_newed: That's actually the way I setup my meals. However they're not around 200-300 cals.. They're much bigger lol. But it certainly does work for me better in general compared to the typical 3 square meals. While my parents and brother have an energy crash in the early afternoon, I'm up and about, as energetic as ever. And I do take a multivitamin as well.

Thanks again everyone for all your responses! Here's to another great day!!