trusting guys..

Back history here.. I was in a 3year relationship with an army guy. He and i went to high school together but never dated until 4years after HS. We fell deeply inlove and was fully convinced he was the one i would marry.

Well i got accepted to pharmacy school and had to move 2hrs away to school. within this time i found out he was cheating on me. I dont know if he got scared or what but this occured months before we were going to get engaged. Well it has been 2 years since that happened. Needless to say i closed that chapter and never looked back.

Currently i am seeing a new guy.. going on 3 months now. things have progressed and we have planned to meet the parents etc. Although i am feeling untrusting with him. I find myself being weery of who he talks to and what he does when i'm not around. I hate this feeling.. question is am i this way because something is telling me to be cautious, or is it because i am still grieving from my past? Yes he is also military..

I am so close to ending this... just because of how untrusting i am. I plan on talking to him about it.. (although he does know how i feel about being unfaithful etc.) But he does not know how i am feeling as of lately.

feeling like a mess right now.. :/

Def talk to your current b/f about it.....let him know that it's not necisarily (sp, I know) him that you don't trust, it's just hard trusting a male in that role at the moment, but that you hope to get better each passing day.

I can completely understand. I still have trust issues and whenever I find out about stuff I FEEL I should be told about, I kind of freak. Everyone has their baggage, some is just worse than others. I do everything I can to not be a jealous or accusatory person, but sometimes I can't hlep it.

It's hard to tell if something (someone he talks to, something that happened) is a gut red flag mistrust, or if it's a learned habit because of the past. You don't want to think everythign is a red flag, and ruin the relationship, but you don't watn to have blinders on cuz you are chalking it up to being paranoid.

Good luck....

I guess i'm just telling myself that i should be better since the last relationship was 2yrs ago. But honestly i feel like i'm living it all over again. It sucks so bad.. I feel like i am trying to "find" things that are wrong with him so i can just call it quits so i dont have to deal with it. (yes selfish i know) I think it is just a self defense situation with me. I have built a wall the past 2yrs and just focused on school.. then this guy comes along and peeks my interest.

I was living blind in my past relationship.. i didnt snoop thru his stuff.. the whole time we lived together. But then i find out he had a relationship going with someone for months on myspace. Just a little aggrevated with some comments that my current guy has on his myspace from girls.

Baggage sucks.

O man, I know what you mean.....I just found out that my guy has a facebook account, and even though I've talked about mine quite a bit, he never told me about his or 'friended' me....to top it off, he wasn't listed at in a relationship and so I got a bit mad about it! He said that none of it was intentional or anything, he barely uses it....

....well, ok, so I pretty much believe him, don't have a reason NOT to....but it still bugs me. I don't know if it's cuz I really think something is up w his facebook, or if it's just cuz I'm paranoid about it.......

It has only been 3 months! My advice is to decide RIGHT NOW not to get engaged or "committed" for another 9 months. By then you should KNOW if there is anything to worry about or not! Until then, have fun! Date, enjoy, play! Don't get SO serious! You have plenty of time. I think you are trying to decide if he is "the one" too soon! That is what is making you go crazy and try to find a reason to break up, or to be suspicious. Nothing will ruin this relationship (and the next one, and the next one...) than your fear of being hurt. If at the end of 9 months you STILL are having these feelings, then it is time for MAJOR rethinking or breaking up. Love hurts. Life hurts. But it is also so wonderful when it is right that it is worth kissing a lot of frogs.....

My advice isn't just to run away from this because you're feeling nervous. If you start running away in order not to have your trust broken, then you're always going to do so. The only way to heal yourself is to trust this guy, give him the benefit of the doubt, and realize that you can only control your actions. You did what was right last time. You learned about it and left the idiot. That's ALL you CAN do.

So you have to give this guy a fair chance. My fiance I didn't really give a fair chance in the beginning. I was just coming out of a relationship that was pretty verbally abusive when I met him. I figured we'd date and I'd throw him away and spend my time going through tons of men and never settle down. I kept trying to find flaw with him. I blamed him for things that weren't his fault and often made his life hell at times. But he always stuck through it with me and never did anything to abuse my trust.

Sometimes it's still hard to think that he's not acting in a selfish manner. Many times I assume he's being selfish and then he explains his actions and he's actually trying to help me out! Then I feel pretty bad for being so selfish.

But the point is is that it's something that takes time. I'm still not completely over it, but if I wasn't honest with this guy now and if I didn't talk to him and tell him what I was going through, I would've never discovered how truly wonderful he is, how much he cares about me, and how happy I am that we're going to have the rest of our lives together.

If this guy is ready for the long haul with you, then it will happen. If he's going to be a jerk, then it will expose itself soon enough. Either way, there's nothing you can do about it now then just try to chill out a bit and see where it goes. As Carol Ann says, just go slow! If he's worth it, he'll understand. =)