Just trying to be healthy :)

My weight history, in a nutshell:

I've been a competitive swimmer since the age of 6. I think that being in a sport that depends so much on your body weight has really distorted my views of what is "healthy" and "normal." More than a few girls I've swam with over the years have developed serious eating disorders, and I'm afraid that I'm heading down the same path...

I've never been really happy with my body, and have always felt like I could stand to loose a couple pounds. The summer before my junior year of high school, I lost about 10 pounds, but never really tried to. It just kind of happened. After that, I stayed about the same weight until I got to college. I just got done with my first year of college, and it has been really hard on my body. I gained weight both during and after the swim season, not enough to not fit in any of my clothes, but enough to be noticable. I decided that I really wanted to get back into shape, so I've taken up eliptical and am now (trying) to run.

The problem is, lately I've been finding myself bingeing (a habit I've had for years), but now I've also felt the need to purge after these bingeing sessions. It really scares me that I'm doing this, because this is not the road I want to head down with my life. I really just want to be able to be left alone with food and be able to not consume everything in sight and feel horrible about it afterwards. I really need a support group of people who are also trying to eat healthy, and not necessarily loose weight.

Thanks for reading my rant :) looking foreward to meeting new people here!!

just starting off!!