Turn the negativity around (title edited becuase some people thought it was 'mean' before)

When I first got on here, I felt worse about myself than I do now. I was still excited, but I have grown to love and appeciate me more, over time.

But somethign has been bugging me all day: I am soooo tired of seeing people writing stuff like: Help! My boyfriend said I'm fat...or I'm on a plateau and miserable.... Or I binged this weekend (I had a whole large fry!).

If you are on this site, and trying, give yourself a break. Crying over a mistake does not change it. All guilt does is lock you into the past. You make the mistake once but relive it everyday. You should spend that time planning on how to do better next time.

I am a Christian, but not one of the ones who beats myself up and worries about hell (at one point, years ago I did). That is because I realized that God knew every single one of my mistakes before I would make them but had already shown he loved me by extending an to me an open invite to get to know him.

Soooo...he knew I would cuss that person out, lie about this or that or (insert your vice of choice) long before I got around to doing it. And he forgives me instantly. So why do I hold on sometimes....????? Because my standards are at times unreasonable. I was once in grad school full time, working 2 part times and still mad at myself when my grades weren't perfect. Or perhaps, we are trying to be what others say we should be . He knows i am trying despite my imperfections and humanity. So I am learning to adjust my expectations for myself. I don't want to be my own slave driver anymore. At one point, my spirit demanded liberation from myself! I was my biggest enemy.

Anyways, I think some people get addicted to motivation. They love to say how badly they fell so that people can go "awwwww...I looked at your pics, and your pretty. Don't feel bad."

But it is a cycle, cause as soon as you feel bad, you will be back here again for another hit.

Hint # 1: Happiness is event dependent. How about having joy that you have use of your limbs, your health, and your mind sound- regardless of whether you feel you are 'ideal' yet. I got a big slap in the face once when I was feeling miserable about my thighs and then saw my friend who has a prosthetic leg go up a flight of stairs without complaining while two overweight girls waited for the elevator. I am sure he would trade in his artificial leg for a plump one any day. Or for the girl who complains about her nose being big...I have meet a young boy burned on about 80% of his body. He had no nose. I am sure he would love to have a big one. Or a crooked one. So long as the kids stopped running from him and calling him 'Troll.' His grandfather tried to commit suicide by burning the house down while his grandson was still there. He was successful, in that he died. But his grandson miraculously lived- although he lost all ability to be considered 'normal' again.

Hint # 2: Learn to motivate yourself. There will not always be a life coach waiting in the cyber world, eager to help pick you back up. If you don't learn this, you will always be running to people to feel better.

Now...I am a very compassionate, open person. To the point of where I can pick up on your mood before you open your mouth or even look at me. And I care. I really do.

But I am tired of seeing the self pity. It becomes draining. So I would love it if people could start posting better 'motivational' posts in the motivational forum. Don't just come for a pick-me up, but give to others what you want and you may see it multiplied in your own life.

Thanks in advance

Love Taryn

I saw a title to a post yesterday and nearly commented about how NOT motivational it was. Then I decided that I would be guilty of same.

Your post is motivational. Thanks! Now lets all grab this day and make the most of it! Yay!

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

When I first got on here, I felt worse about myself than I do now. I was still excited, but I have grown to love and appeciate me more, over time.

But somethign has been bugging me all day: I am soooo tired of seeing people writing stuff like: Help! My boyfriend said I'm fat...or I'm on a plateau and miserable.... Or I binged this weekend (I had a whole large fry!).

If you are on this site, and trying, give yourself a break. Crying over a mistake does not change it. All guilt does is lock you into the past. You make the mistake once but relive it everyday. You should spend that time planning on how to do better next time.

I am a Christian, but not one of the ones who beats myself up and worries about hell (at one point, years ago I did). That is because I realized that God knew every single one of my mistakes before I would make them but had already shown he loved me by extending an to me an open invite to get to know him.

Soooo...he knew I would cuss that person out, lie about this or that or (insert your vice of choice) long before I got around to doing it. And he forgives me instantly. So why do I hold on sometimes....????? Because my standards are at times unreasonable. I was once in grad school full time, working 2 part times and still mad at myself when my grades weren't perfect. Or perhaps, we are trying to be what others say we should be . He knows i am trying despite my imperfections and humanity. So I am learning to adjust my expectations for myself. I don't want to be my own slave driver anymore. At one point, my spirit demanded liberation from myself! I was my biggest enemy.

Anyways, I think some people get addicted to motivation. They love to say how badly they fell so that people can go "awwwww...I looked at your pics, and your pretty. Don't feel bad."

But it is a cycle, cause as soon as you feel bad, you will be back here again for another hit.

Hint # 1: Happiness is event dependent. How about having joy that you have use of your limbs, your health, and your mind sound- regardless of whether you feel you are 'ideal' yet. I got a big slap in the face once when I was feeling miserable about my thighs and then saw my friend who has a prosthetic leg go up a flight of stairs without complaining while two overweight girls waited for the elevator. I am sure he would trade in his artificial leg for a plump one any day. Or for the girl who complains about her nose being big...I have meet a young boy burned on about 80% of his body. He had no nose. I am sure he would love to have a big one. Or a crooked one. So long as the kids stopped running from him and calling him 'Troll.' His grandfather tried to commit suicide by burning the house down while his grandson was still there. He was successful, in that he died. But his grandson miraculously lived- although he lost all ability to be considered 'normal' again.

Hint # 2: Learn to motivate yourself. There will not always be a life coach waiting in the cyber world, eager to help pick you back up. If you don't learn this, you will always be running to people to feel better.

Now...I am a very compassionate, open person. To the point of where I can pick up on your mood before you open your mouth or even look at me. And I care. I really do.

But I am tired of seeing the self pity. It becomes draining. So I would love it if people could start posting better 'motivational' posts in the motivational forum. Don't just come for a pick-me up, but give to others what you want and you may see it multiplied in your own life.

Thanks in advance

Love Taryn

Thank you for this Taryn. We have to learn that what we speak comes to pass be it negative or positive. I hung up my pity party backstage pass and don't want it anymore.

Yes, my dear, you are entirely correct!  Good for you, and thank you for the motivation!

I see what you mean, but I also think it's in human nature to be egocentric. The "look at all the starving children in Africa!" deal doesn't always help. Sometimes people need to rant about their petty problems. It doesn't hurt to listen and give them a little boost, yeah?

I see what you are saying, and I am fine with the fact that people need to rant sometimes. I have offered plenty of encouragement in my 2 weeks here and plan on continuing to do so. But it is healthy to put things into perspective also. I have no problem with people wanting to self improve, but at the end of the day, after all of the good things that are being overlooked, if all one  can do is focus on what physical features they do not like, they are perhaps a little too egoistic at times. We are all guilty of it. It is healthy at times to step back and realize that not being perfect isn't so bad after all.

There are some people on here who I am sure are positive about 90% of the time, and need to rant sometimes. I do too. I am human.

But there are other people who sabatoge themselves by being pitiful 90% of the time, and that it really why I wrote this. Some days I see more posts to the tune of how 'my boyfriend thinks I'm fat!' than anything else. If you cheer some of those people up, they will turn around and find something else to feel bad about.

That is my rant.

And there are other people for whom their body has always been their greatest enemy.  They need to hear (or see) someone say to them every day that "You're doing great!" or "Sometimes that happens" or "I've been there too."  Is it egocentric?  Maybe.  But that's the kind of support they need to reach their goals.  For them your post may be incredibly hurtful.

I understand what you're saying, and to some extent, I agree.  But weight loss is a very personal thing.  Making it more public is a way to force yourself to see it through.  If those people aren't going to be positive every day, give them a break and pass over it.  Their negativity can only hurt you if you let it.

Original Post by firefly57:

And there are other people for whom their body has always been their greatest enemy.  They need to hear (or see) someone say to them every day that "You're doing great!" or "Sometimes that happens" or "I've been there too."  Is it egocentric?  Maybe.  But that's the kind of support they need to reach their goals.  For them your post may be incredibly hurtful.

I understand what you're saying, and to some extent, I agree.  But weight loss is a very personal thing.  Making it more public is a way to force yourself to see it through.  If those people aren't going to be positive every day, give them a break and pass over it.  Their negativity can only hurt you if you let it.

Nobody's negativity is 'hurting me.' 

That wasn't for everyone, but for those that are:

a. ready to see more inspiring posts, or

b. tired of feeling pitiful over thier flaws.So I stand by what I said. 

But thanks for your input Chris.

Original Post by chris1208:

I saw a title to a post yesterday and nearly commented about how NOT motivational it was. Then I decided that I would be guilty of same.

Your post is motivational. Thanks! Now lets all grab this day and make the most of it! Yay!

okay, if you're depending on other people to provide motivation, that's a problem.

i don't disagree with anything in this thread, but i also try not to pay attention to whiners.  when i meet people in the real world who are whiners, i do my best to minimize contact.

wah wah wah shut up.  you know?  all you can do is not listen.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by chris1208:

I saw a title to a post yesterday and nearly commented about how NOT motivational it was. Then I decided that I would be guilty of same.

Your post is motivational. Thanks! Now lets all grab this day and make the most of it! Yay!

okay, if you're depending on other people to provide motivation, that's a problem.

i don't disagree with anything in this thread, but i also try not to pay attention to whiners.  when i meet people in the real world who are whiners, i do my best to minimize contact.

wah wah wah shut up.  you know?  all you can do is not listen.

I agree. I feel like it is time for a little break from the forums.Or at least th e'motivational ones. Maybe I would do better in the diet and exercise ones, where people are trying to get actual advice. I feel like I learn more.  I like to surround myself with positive thinkers. The They have a way of attracting more positive things into thier lives, ya know?

(deleted double post)

I think you are missing something from these posts.

You say you think people need to pick themselves up and not look to others to boost their morale and you are tired of seeing self pity and it is "draining".

Since you are religious I will put this in terms that might hit home for you.

What would you do if suddenly God said these words to you?

You said you think people need to motivate themselves more - are you offering to teach the skill or just asking them to shut up?

You also mention happiness - "the lord never gives more than one can bear" to paraphrase my grandmother.  Which means that some people can bear little, others a lot but most people, eventually, get stronger.  It does not happen over night.  Again - will you offer to teach the skill or just demand that people become who you think they should be?

Compassion is not "draining", and saying you have it does not make it run deep. 

And so I will throw your words back to you, "Don't just come for a pick-me up, but give to others what you want and you may see it multiplied in your own life."

It is funny how we fail to see what is right in front of us.

Madamq.

Thanks for the lecture,

But I think you are missing my point.

Now firstly, if you were to look through all of my posts, you will see that I have been kind to many people, showing compassion to them and offering suppport. As I already said, I will continue to do so.

My compassion, and my 'religion' as you call it. (I do not consider myself 'religious, I like to keep it simple) is not something u would be able to understand or get a grasp of through one post. I try not to make assumptions or challenge anyone's faith as I feel that life, trials and time are the only thing that really reveal those things. The substance of the person. I have learned though, not to worry about the opinions of others, becuase how I relate to God is personal and will reflect in my life more and more over time as I mature as a person.

My point of mentioning hapiness was not to say that people have no right to feel unhappy, but to seperate the definition of hapiness from joy. Events can make you happy. Joy can be in your heart whether your events are happy or not.

This was not meant to tear anyones esteem down, and I am sorry that you saw it that way. But again, I think you missed my point.

In some ways, I have the personality of a personal trainer, in that my focus is forward pushing. I like to see people progress and get stronger and better, and I have always seen negative thinking as the biggest deterrent to that.

And as far as what I would say if God said these words to me:

He has often convicted me when I fell into self pity to think about others instead. To stop worryying about my bills and go volunteer for the homelss. I have found that he is moved more by faith and selflessness, and less by self pity. Faith moves mountains, not complaints. But that is a level some people have a hard time getting to. It is a struggle for me as well. in the middle of me worrying about my future, he has reminded me of how he has it under his control, and my focus shoul be on helping his people.

God listens, but then he calls us higher. After I cross the line from venting to him, into complaining about things, he usually sends something my way to get me back on track. For that, I am grateful. God never puts more on us than we can bear, but we do. We take on too much and wear ourselves out. And sometimes we make the things in our lives bigger than they are by focusing on them too long. Instead of him.

I have read many rants, responded with positive words...but I would love for people to start seeing the good in thier situations as well, more so than the bad. And if that is a negative thing to say....than call me negative.

You asked me if I was asking people to shut up...and that is a pretty horrible thing to put into my mouth. Not at all actually. That would be pretty ridiculous. It was more so a challenge to some people to try to think more positively. To tell themselves that they can minimize thier own negative thinking....becuase if not, someone's encouragement will only be a band-aid to the real problem. Some people can't even accept motivation becuase they don't think they deserve good things in life. I have met many people like that. They are used to feeling bad. So no, I was not telling people to shut up. And I would not give cut and dry 3 step solutions either. But realizing something about ourselves is often the first step.

Although I usually resent people challenging my faith and what is in my heart when they cannot see it through a post, I am actually grateful for your questions, as I was able to clarify myself a little better. You will never know how many people I love, care about and have helped. But I am aware that through a forum, you are able to see only the smallest fraction of my essence, so I am not going to take it to heart.

So thanks, and have a good one.

When my beloved grandmother died in 2004 and then my granddad not even 4 months later in 2005, my view on life changed. I was so distraught because I missed them so much. One day I just came to my senses. They knew that I loved them (I showed them, I didn't just tell them) and they were proud of me. I then realized that the best way to honor them was to live a sucessful life be it personally, business related, and my physical health.

My view is I want to be happy and fulfilled with my life regardless of the circumstances. Yes I vent because "life happens" (some things come with just being alive) but I don't whine. I change what I can change, pray about the rest and move on. I think you can be happy everyday if you choose to do so.

Sadly some people will always be pessimistic about everything. A positive attitude about life and circumstances is not embraced by society as a whole. Some people have not had any postive reinforcement in their lives so they don't know how to give or receive something positive. Like you said, they are used to feeling bad and don't think they can ever feel good. That's why a lot of people "hate" people that are always happy/perky. Misery loves company.

Thanks for your response. Sometimes it irks me when people throw little 'religious' jabs out there without knowing me at all. But I decided to move on with my morning and not let it get to me.

And you are right about the positive thing.

I am commited to being a positive thinker. And that includes today. So I am going to get off of here and do something productive and 'compassionate' with my time.

Have a good day everybody.

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

Thanks for your response. Sometimes it irks me when people throw little 'religious' jabs out there without knowing me at all. But I decided to move on with my morning and not let it get to me.

And you are right about the positive thing.

I am commited to being a positive thinker. And that includes today. So I am going to get off of here and do something productive and 'compassionate' with my time.

Have a good day everybody.

One connection with people that are successful at anything is that they hung with other successful people (even before they were successful).  Since I decided to lose weight I don't hang out with my girlfriends that want to party all week into the weekend because it is counter-productive to my healthy lifestyle. Getting drunk(which is a lot of empty calories from alcohol) then going to eat at the Waffle House/IHOP at 3AM...no thank you, I want my waistline back LOL!

 My pastor always says "Hang with those that have your answer, get away from those that have your problem". I say pity parties don't change your situation, they just make you comfortable where you are.

You have a great day and weekend as well!

Original Post by change_in_sc:

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

Thanks for your response. Sometimes it irks me when people throw little 'religious' jabs out there without knowing me at all. But I decided to move on with my morning and not let it get to me.

And you are right about the positive thing.

I am commited to being a positive thinker. And that includes today. So I am going to get off of here and do something productive and 'compassionate' with my time.

Have a good day everybody.

One connection with people that are successful at anything is that they hung with other successful people (even before they were successful).  Since I decided to lose weight I don't hang out with my girlfriends that want to party all week into the weekend because it is counter-productive to my healthy lifestyle. Getting drunk(which is a lot of empty calories from alcohol) then going to eat at the Waffle House/IHOP at 3AM...no thank you, I want my waistline back LOL!

 My pastor always says "Hang with those that have your answer, get away from those that have your problem". I say pity parties don't change your situation, they just make you comfortable where you are.

You have a great day and weekend as well!

 Once again thank you.

Today, one of my coworkers bought me a flower, which was sweet.

I have eaten well all week.

I am focusing on these things becuase life is too short to be hung up.

You have a lot of good things to say. So even if I have run into a few less than positive people and pity parties, I am glad to have met people like u. I'd say it is worth it.

I feel the same way. You always have positive/uplifting things to say. I am glad to have met you on here as well.