Ugg my mother

So my mother is getting on my last nerve. I am trying to lose weight before my brothers wedding which is in a month. I have mayb 5lbs and then Im not allowed to lose anymore. Well she keeps going to me almost 3 times aweek telling me that she'll give me money if I go to Basking Robbins and get ice cream for everyone. I stay strong and tell her no everytime and explain that we should be losing weight and we dont need it. I think my mother is at least 250lbs. Im at 140, Im also battling against genetics because I think my mother was over 200 lbs when she was my age. Im just getting so irritated by her ice cream requests. She also makes sooo much beef, never enough chicken or fish. She freaks if I cook finish in the house. I have to cook it on the grill even in the dead of winter. Does anyone eles have a family member or friend like this?

My father is very thoughtless when it comes to food and the kitchen. Everyone's schedules run on different lengths so my sister, my mother and I have all learnt we need to prepare food for ourselves as independently as our routines make us. We all still get time to sit down and talk come evenings but in terms of food, it is largely a case of cooking for one - or cooking for three, but leaving the food for the others in the fridge when they're ready to have it.

The three of us (sans-dad) know it can be done. We all eat healthily and by and large cleanly. We use healthy cooking methods.

My dad is a different story.

My dad is a man who will buy too much food and not use it, or buy enough, but make a massive pot of it then devour it within a day. His own eating habits are terrible: he eats no breakfast, puts three sugars in his tea and uses whole-fat dairy (he actually goes and buys it just for him as my sister and mum use semi or the soy milk I buy), he won't eat until he gets back from work and when he does it's bombay mix or sweets, and he then doesn't cook dinner until gone midnight. He's also a heavy drinker and won't eat fish, seafood or chicken unless it's fried. Non-animal proteins he won't eat, full stop. We've tried to stop this - he comes from a family with a history of diabetes and has gout so does nothing for himself - but there's no point trying to change someone who doesn't want to.

What bothers me is that his negligence bounces off on the rest of us. He gets angry when I will not eat his food (I am lactose intolerant; he is a man who uses dairy in every meal whether butter, cream or cheese or otherwise), or when my mother will not eat his food (she has lost I think about 87 pounds, now, from a UK 24 to a UK 10-12 as well as having high BP and so watching her salt). Unfortunately, my mum ends up picking at these greasy concotions because they don't get put away properly. 

His haphazard food storing made her ill, once, and when I brought it up with my dad he said he didn't care. It's also vile to come down in the morning to a sinkful of dirty washing where he has been cooking at midnight, left everything in cold water and gone to bed, as well as seeing whatever mess he has actually produced in a plastic tub with a layer of oil gathered on top of it about a cm thick.

He's also overprotective of the kitchen. This is where it gets bad for me. I have to make a lot of food up over the day because I'm trying to gain weight - but try having an ED voice to battle along with your dad telling you you're eating too much and too often and are a "pig in my [his] kitchen"? He also comments negatively on the way we cook or eat things.

He laughed at my mother steaming a fish instead of frying it, at my sister for baking some sweet potato chips instead of deep frying them (again), and hovered about mocking me for using spices and tomatoes instead of a creamy sauce on some chicken as examples. He also draws on completely false information - I recall being told once by him that white rice was healthier than brown! While I know that's wrong it's horrible to have him there watching and condemning.

So I somewhat sympathise. I know how irritating it can be to have an invasive or immovable parent!

Gem 86, your situation if very similar to mine.  I am 40, 5'6" and 191.  I have lost 35 pounds since May.  My mother must weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 300.  Our entire extended family just took a vacation where we rented a home.  I told everyone that I would pay for the food for the week and she volunteered to go to the market with me.  Cookies, candies, chips, soda, you name it, I bought it, she ate it.  I really struggled because I was hoping that by making the choice to eat right and exercise everyday, that she may feel like making some changes in her life.  No such luck.  I am an adult, so is she and she must make her own choices.  However, one of the things that I do is when I have everyone over for family dinners, I cook the way I eat and serve foods that are good for you.  You won't find one chip or cookie at my house.  In fact I do have a box of fat free fudgsicles in my freezer for extreme chocolate cravings.  Good luck with your Mom, Gem 86.  Just remember to keep yourself as the number one priority!

Yea i try to do that. I do my own food shopping so I get my fish and chicken. I cant understand how most mornings my mom will get a sausage muffin thing from burger king. I know she wants to lose weight but she wont do it. I offered to go on walks with her when she got home from work. Now she actually works right behind the gym that I go to and I even offered her one of my free 10 day guest passes but she refused. she did a terrible thing earlier in the summer and bought coffee cakes and keeble mint chocolate cookies. Of course I ate them but my b'f and I started biking then so it didnt take much effect on me just made me plateau(?). Its a frustrating thing. Im all worked up now, im going to splurge later and buy a couple pounds of salmon. lol.

Thank you guys for listening and giving your experiences.

Quite welcome. :] Sadly, as I've found out with my dad - and to a degree, my sister! - you can't sway someone from bad habits if they don't want to be moved. My sister isn't so bad, but she drinks an awful lot. Curse of the University student. She does work out and eat well but her drinking is her achilles heel. Mum and I have been more worried about the fact that she's walked home sozzled at 3am (through our less than friendly neighbourhood!) than her weight there, though! In her defence, though, she's cut back a lot.

And my dad is just headstrong. So far the only differences we've been able to make came in offering to make him his tea (I make it with one sugar and semi, where as he makes his with whole and three sugars - he has not yet noticed a difference) and buying him a healthy chinese cookbook. Except he's botched half the healthy recipies by using three times the right amount of oil... >>; We do make him dinner sometimes, and while he'll um and ah and "Oh this isn't too bad" while eating it he always grumbles later on about how bland dinner was. C'est la vie!

Tciherr is right, though. It's about you! Whatever your goals may be. Try to serve as an inspiration and hope your mother sees light - otherwise, you can't push her to change.

Ahh, I love salmon. x] I think I'm having that tonight too. Yum!

My mom actually got mad at me once because I asked her to stop buying chips, pop and the chocolate covered granola bars that are pretty much a chocolate bar. She said, "if you don't want to eat them, then practice some self control. These aren't even for you anyways, they are for the boys." (these being my dad and 2 brothers)... riiiight... because trans fat and excessive sugar is better for them than it is for me.  Just because they are tall, young men and it doesn't show on their asses like it does on mine doesn't make it good for them.

Best thing I ever did was move outta there! lol.  Now I stock my fridge and cupboards with things such as soda water, soy milk and good for you granola bars. Outta sight, outta mind!

I have the same storie as jenelleknaus.

The thing is, some people can't understand what is like to loose weight. We need support and our family is eating junk food all day. Not easy.

At first, my mom was always buying cakes and cookies, even when I told her I was trying to loose weight and eating healthier. But when I explained to her that I needed support and what trans fat does to our body, she understood. :)

the sad this is about my mother is that she did lose weight she lost a large amount of weight but that was like 10-12 yrs ago. She was around her 250's id say and then she lost at least 100-120. There are pictures of her my size and wearing mini skirts, but she did atkins and it started to come back after a couple years. jenelleknaus Im trying so hard to move out. I know I will be alot healthier when that happens. I really hope by next spring I will be stable enough to move out. It didnt help that my b'f lost his extremely high paying job and now hes making next to nothing. which blows because he was making 3x's more than me before. ugg. but yea I never got around to getting my salmon I think I need to go today or something b.c I can use its nutrients to help my mood and all.

I have a co-worker who is extremely overweight and we go out to lunch or eat in the cafeteria together quite often. I'm pretty vocal about my weight loss progress and plan but I make sure never to start the conversation because I don't want to pry or make others uncomfortable. We usually end up talking about food or going out and she talks about it at length. I can tell it's because she feels the need to make an excuse for why she's eating unhealthy foods at the moment; "Well, I didn't have anything for breakfast, so I can have a little extra now" or "It's ok, I had a vegtarian entree for dinner last night, so I need the extra protein." She never says anything about what I'm eating, but the comparison, say between my whole wheat pasta with olive oil and shrimp versus her white pasta with creamy cheese sauce and beef and a side of bread with butter (like at Noodles & Co. or something), makes me feel guilty and I can tell she's comparing what I'm eating to what she's eating. I've even gone so far as to say that I'll split a brownie with her and that I want to save it for an afternoon snack so I don't have to eat it in front of her (I threw it out as soon as we got back to the office). My situation isn't as in your face as everyone's family members getting up in your business about it, but it's pretty uncomfortable since I don't want to make her feel badly but I really think she could use some advice/guidance.

So many personalities in the world, so many opinions. :) Hope everyone is having a great day!

I actually got a mini fridge for my bedroom. I would buy super healthy food and I 1. would not have anywhere to store it because the fridge is so full and 2. my family would eat it all before I had a chance to get it.  I do not cook at my dad's house (where I live) but go to my mom's house almost every night and make dinner for that family and eat there. My mom and I have an agreement that if she buys the food and I make the food, I can eat there any night I want. She buys healthy food. When I come home, my dad always has cookies, cakes, ice cream ect. out around the house. I hate it. I never spend any time in the house because of this (and the dozens of teenagers always at the house). I am ready to move out on my own but sadly can not afford it right now. Stupid northern California being so expensive.

i hear you. sometimes my mum flies over for a few weeks, and sends nutrition out the window. the regular meals she cooks are fine, but she buys so much candy and cakes! i don't eat it, and she doesn't make me, but i worry that she is eating too much and getting overweight. i teld my father who said he tells her but she does not care. i wish she realises the consequences. i will keep bugging her i think!

Hi,

I am the opposite, I am the mother losing weight, with cc I have lost 20 lbs in 6 weeks and going stong.

My daughter who suffers from depression and PCOS is about 265 lbs, and is living with me at the moment for support she is 25, and is having a long distance relationship with a boy in the US. 

She know she should lose weight, but still eats badly, and at US time to talk to him.  I am suppotive of the relationship, and of her, and want to show her by my example, and not get on her case. 

i just wish that I knew what else to do.  I buy helathy things to put in the fridge, but she also wants chocolate, high salt snacks, and all the othe bad stuff, she does not go out o get any excecise at all.

I  know she has to make the decision, but i know that as her mum I will be there.

So i take my hat off to you who are losing wieght without support, I would love to suppot my daughter and go the gym with  her and walk the dog etc.

i don't make a great deal of my wieght loss around her, but my husband is suppotive, and I tell him how I am going.

Good luck to us who try, congatulations when we achieve, and patience and toleance fo others who need to lose but have not reached the point to motivate themselves.