uh today

in recovery from ed for a long time. but had a wisdom tooth extraction this morn. stayed at home feelin sorry for myself today but over ate. wasnt bothered and had plenty peanut butter, and some choc and some bread and lah lah lah. prob hav had about 2500.... grrrrr

i can always forgive myself on the days i have a deficit, but the guilt of overeating seems to linger on and on and the self loathing

sometimes i wish it was simpler

I feel you here...while I don't binge, I can relate to the feelings of guilt. My parents are very strict about not letting me exercise, and the self-loathing ensues when I can't exercise like I want to and purge all the calories I've eaten.

OK, Please stay focus, you are in recovery from ed for a long time. It sounds like you are trying to gain slowly and get into a pattern this is great. This was only one day not the most healthy food but you are trying to get your life back and one day will not take that away from you.  

Opinion keep up the great work!!

no gains reqd here. im at a healthy bmi of 22.6. sometimes i still cant bear to look at myself. but really i brush those thoughts away,

but i do find myself furiously annoyed after days of overeating. and i really "feel" the extra cals on me. bizzare and bull i hear you say (just as i would to anyone posting the same to me). but i do

these days get me down and i take a while to recover from them... psychologically. i really feel iv let myself down

Your healthy, Don't feel furious or annoyed there are people to talk too and lots of people in the same boat. Thank god your ship did not sink and you can live a full life. best thing is to talk.

thank you.... that helps put things in perspective.

its one day. one lousy day granted. but still in the overall scheme. its one day

ONE!

Congratulations, you’re moving forward.

oh noo fidget. hate to see this.

but i get like this everyday prettymuch. but THINK; of how far youve come and how brilliant and strong a person you are... not only to have beat the ED, but to be able to maintain your weight, AND help others everyday too.

f it. you MORE than deserve the icecream and stodge. its ONE day....and a day of horrible tooth procedures Surely warrants some treats. this is about mentally viewing food as a POSITIVE thing, remember. it shouldnt be a tool with which you beat yourself up.

the excess cals are guna be used to repair your gums :) and you know, wtf else can u eat but icecream & pb and soft foods when you have teeth extracted. relax. breathe, remember its only 'difficult/not simple' if you LET it be interpreted that way.x

yeah, you are right. it will take me a bit to forgive and forget. i have come far. this time last year, i would have been so down with myself for binging at all, i would have eaten double the amount and spent the next 5 days trying to  "fix" it. i would have posted something frantic here and i would have dwelled on it, so caught up in the deadly cycle that i would have contemplated suicide as an easier option than the life i was living. so yes i have come far!

i was tryin to reason that the extra cals would fix my gums too - perhaps if it was good quality protein! alas. but "normal" people have "overeating days" too. they do. some do it everyday!

its important that i get my arse back on track tomorrow tho.

thank you ktjo..... that was really encouraging!

any time :)

also maybe try find out your trigger this time. was it just the upset of the teeth or have stress levels been too high recently....obv dont tell me, just try to find out what it is.

ive been a bit panicky of the smallest extra helpings of something when im preparing my meals, and i think its cuz ive been spending too much time in the evenings just logging on and reading about young kids with EDs on this site (sooo many on here now >:(

 so im stepping away and not even reading them. its not i want to BE like them again, at all, its the upset and how it takes me back... yeah its hard, but youre great and impressed me from the very first post i read of yours, just like lala and gijane...........but youre feisty and honest & now use that same mentality on those thoughts. get rid of them. a daily total of 2500 does NOT = 3500 of EXCESS. youre grand. put it behind you. youre better than that kind of crap.

yeah, i suppose i have been stressed. i started a job this week. i also spend some time in college dissecting cadavers (helps my anatomy). i had a big psychology group in the hospital i was inpatient in, in dublin this week. it was good - but emotionally upsetting for me.

i also have been paying more attention to what i have been eating - as in i need 12 fillings, so i decided to cut out sugar and try to eat clean. but i find the minute i pay any kind of attention to my diet i become obsessive and immediately i realise i have imposed rules and then my mindset is to sabotage it.

i do still focus on my body some, but not a fraction of what i used to. but i find if the attention i pay to it increases any bit i am apt to binge. its like the more i try to control it - the more i lose control

when i just go along with eating and doing things daily food and my weight dont bother me at all. but the minute  i start focusing on it... i blow it!!!

well you know, STOP controlling. its what i try to do. i no that restricting leads to bingeing, leads to repeat restricting etc.

 use the info that you Know. do all the crap people advise; run a bath, go for a stroll, watch a movie, read a magazine with a cup of tea. call a friend and arrange a trip to the cinema, or a night in/out. anytime you want to control food, exercise control via a Different action. look we ALL slip up. its ok!!!!!!

and dont eat 'clean', those suckers are rotted anyway. no point going extreme and cutting out sugar now. ;) start cutting out sugar then you know yourself you can so easily spiral & cut out everything,.. glucose is everwhere!

stress....and no wonder ...i electively go for weigh-ins and bloods in my hospital every 4 months, have been doing this for Years, eecause i want to stay on the straight & narrow, but a few days before the appt i am manic, sick with anxiety, not wanting to gain, because ill be heavier than their last record, or lose cuz theyll be on my case. the day of the appt i do nothing that day before or after, its too emotionally draining. so going back to your treatment centre for the first time, for an indepth emotional reminiscing session? eeek. fair fux.  

my best advice , honestly when, those rules-sabotage-binge thoughts start? i just tell myself to not think so damn much. really, just stop thinking. things are often so simple, its us humans that complicate them. hope youre feeling better! slow down & get some r&r if you can!x

( had to get this in...if you want to be reminded what focusing to much on 'problems' with your looks can do......turn to TV3 now!)

don't be sad, dear fidget! try to maintain your perspective on the situation.  you are right in that EVERYONE overeats sometimes, often by a lot more than 2500 calories!  sometimes by overeating every once in awhile you actually give your metabolism a boost.  plus, your body does really need extra calories when repairing a wound or after surgery.  it may have been telling you it needed the protein and fats in the pb to repair and fight infection.

remember, even if you eat 3500 calories, you'd not have gained anything, because your body would be using at least 1200 of those just to be alive.  

more than anything, though, try not to be so hard on yourself...youre a great person!

ha ha!!! oh dear... MJ wasnt well.

i know what it takes to be well. because i know how to get past this bad point. but i still get perplexed when i slip up. i still find myself caught off guard, and very quickly i become very frightened that i will slip right back to where i started.

yeah, this zero sugar policy isnt going to work. it def needs to be cut down (things like mints etc)

ktjo... its great to get a kick up the bum. i dish it out often enough. its nice that i deserve one every so often. the psychological stuff often has a linger/delayed response. it wasnt ed related. it was more "cause of ed-related". so it was hard, and emotions soared. its headwrecking. God, id love some normality

FIDGET- just want to say hi, ditto, and keep pushing, we ALL deserve something, something good, the ups+downs, well, theyre all part of life.  i dont have much more to add other than ditto and i wish the best for us all.

thanks agruskin... i hope life is goin ok for you??

you are another of my favourites here.... you say it just like it is. thank you for the encouragement. i know i am harsh on ppl here. i expect nothin but the same. it is often the most motivating approach.

thank you. that you thought or cared to reply means alot to me :)

i think youre going about this all wrong, and its important to see that... 

whenever you restrict, you are Immediately recognising what your doing and trying to sabotage the restriction....thats BRILLIANT. forget that it makes you go, what, 200-500 over. thats nothing. you know it is. your reaction is very very good. its coming from a place thats really trying Not to slip back, this 'sabotaging the rules' you describe. i think you should give yourself  a big pat on the back, and be proud.

and after, ( btw, meanwhile, i mime whacking you on the head with a heavy book and telling u  to cop the F on and treat yourself with the love, gentility and respect you deserve) get to bed early. tomoro will be a lot better!

thanks i had a gud chuckle at that..... wimbledon the movie is on..... i do love that blonde fellow (is it lawerence fox....some sort of fox anyway!!!). not to mention good quality michael jackson documentarys!!

lol, i wouldnt have replied to many others here but i like u too, i think we both get the honesty thing and i dont flinch anymore after being slammed for being "mean" or calling someone out.

i think this site, as ive said many times before, is helpful and also hugely harmful.  i HATE seeing ppl "maintaining" on 1500 calories and working out intensely for hrs everyday.  i still get triggered and i still sucomb to second guessing what im doing, eventho i know im right.

i dont think everyone can recover from an ED, i hope to gd that i can, i think its more of a balancing act and developing coping skills for when those thoguhts seep in. 

i get so sad seeing these 13 yr olds on here asking about weight+excercsie and i thank gd everytime that i at least had a great childhood.  its so sad seeing some of these posts.  but then i have to remember, i can be selfish, theyre hurting themselves and it has NOTHING to do w/ ME or how i should treat MYself.

i hope that wasnt too much of a ramble, and i hope to have a smidge of normalcy in my life as well.  so keep it up, nothing will happen from what u did today, i had a stomach procedure last week and have had to be sedentary, still eat, all that crap, nothing happened, its 1 day in your entire life.

so lets get back to kicking ass, here and in REAL LIFE!! ok??!!

agruskin...totally get you. its not being selfish ignoring those lost, ed obsessed teens. its not going to help them; they wont listen, but you Can help yourself by not bothering or getting too emotionally involved. its not selfish, just wise, and time better spent!

fidget......its PAUL BETTANY!!!

is it wrong i wanted him even in the Da Vinci code as a anemic looking albino murderous monk? seriously he was the only good thing about that movie!

cant stand kirsten dunst myself. supernanny is more my thing atm lol. ..jo wears the same.maroon.shirt.every.damn.episode.

my typing skills are all spazzed out, ive had to edit this 3x. calling it a nite methinks.x

heres to life & happiness we fought hard to reclaim girls!

ahh ha ha ha ktjo thats so funny, i was watching supernanny with a serious brat of a child. like i might suggest child psych was necessary there... megan!!! dunno if you were watching the same. PAUL BETTANY thats it.. yeah he was hot even as silas... a little demented but hot no less.

thanks agruskin. i think we are very much on the same page. i think you are one of the ones who can recover. i see those posts too. i feel my stomach drop when i hear of ppl maintaining on minimal cals. wondering if some day i will wake and it will all have caught up on me. but mostly i work with the voice of rationale in my head. knowing that those around me (who arent as sporty as me) do not eat minimally, nor do my friends. and i also recall the agony of the fatigue and sadness and coldness at the worst points of my ed. and i realise that i want to be free.  i think that is what defines someone who can recover and who cant. if you genuinely  want to be free.

i think you will find peace and real recovery. i dont see you frantically posting about missing a workout or eating more than 1600 cals. recovery is about acceptance. accepting ourselves, our bodies. i see posts here from ppl (who we both know but shall remain nameless). maintaining a minimal bmi, "eating pure, unprocessed natural foods, claiming always to be recovered." i dont see this as recovery - actually long before you realise, i thought of you as inspirational in recovery. because even though you felt the fear, you were doing it anyway.

to both of you - you have been immensely helpful and supportive in a practical and pro-recovery way. i really appreciate it.