still uncomfortable in my own skin
Hi, i am relatively new to this whole blog and posts on caloriecount, and in fact this is my first "blog," so bear with me. any who i have lost around 60 pounds in the past 8 months, and i am feeling great. However, i have found that i am still extremely self conscious. Especially around guys. I am 20 years old, and now that i have lost all this weight, i would like to find a boyfriend and someone to share time with. However, it is hard for me to be comfortable around guys. Because most of my life i was heavy i shied away from boys and people because i was scared of being judged. And i guess that i thought that if i lost weight, i would i become more comfortable with myself and in turn be more comfortable around people. But i am still as awkward and shy as ever. And possible more so, because now i get attention (whereas before i didnt) but i just dont know how to react to it. Am i doomed forever? how do i overcome this obstacle of being so uncomfortable in my own skin? any suggestions?
First of all, congratulations on your 60 pound loss! That is absolutely fabulous!
As for the confidence issue, the thing you have to remember is that even though you lost 60 pounds, you are still you. Your personality is not likely to change with a loss of weight. That being said, you are not doomed forever. It sounds like you need a serious self confidence boost, which can really only come from you. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and find something that you really like about yourself. Better yet, make a list of all your positive traits. Buy yourself some new clothes so that you feel like you look good. Always, always be yourself and don't apologize for it. If you are naturally shy, you will probably always be shy, but that's not a bad thing. It's just your personality. Shy people can fall in love too you know! As for the awkwardness, I find faking it until you figure it out works sometimes. You just need to give yourself the chance to figure out how to deal with social situations. Also, it might be a good idea to find a hobby or something that you like to do and try to overcome your awkwardness.
Remember to accept yourself for who you are!
Again, congrats on your weight loss and good luck!
From what I have seen...you are doomed unless you try to get over it. Painfully shy people just don't date often unless someone approaches them (which doesn't even work out depending how shy you are).
It really depends how shy you are. If you avoid going out a lot and avoid speaking to people, well, yup you will be alone. But if you are just a little shy and still do a lot of things and chat with people who flirt with you...well, chances are things will work out.
Fake some confidence for now people will respond to it. Try putting yourself in situations where you have to practice overcoming your shy nature. As for reacting to attention, accepted the complements graciously. Congratulations on your loss!
^ what she said. Fake it till you make it. Practice on people that "dont matter".
I was so painfully shy as a teen I could barely answer questions in class. I took a retail job and told myself I was in a play every day. It took time, but it did work. I am still shy with some situations. But I am no longer a waking, quaking wall of self absorbed shyness.
^Seconded! If you are naturally shy, you will (probably) never become outgoing and gregarious, but you can become more confident if you just practice it. For those of us who aren't naturally confident or outgoing, it's a skill you have to learn and practice, just like anything else. Congrats on the impressive weight loss!
I'm with everyone suggesting that you deliberately find situations where you have to step out of the shadows. Having seen this work in reality I'd suggest joining something like a drama group .... nothing like getting on stage for fast-tracking your ability to cope with shyness and it's a great way to meet people. If you don't fancy that suggestion, any other special interest group is a good choice. A book club, a photography class, dancing, volunteer work.... anything goes. When we're with other people who are interested in the same things it's easy to strike up a conversation because we've immediately got something in common.
Final point.... If you find it tough to talk to men it could be because you're loading the situation too much. Rather than trying to 'find a boyfriend' (pressure, pressure, pressure) instead work on making some male friends and acquaintances. The more men you know and the more men you talk to, the more likely a boyfriend will emerge naturally from the pack....
one of the best places for shy people to join is Toastmasters. See if there is one near you. They are wonderful places to meet new friends of either sex and to become more confident and well spoken in a non-critical environment.
You may feel more comfortable and accepting of who you are just by increasing your field of friends rather than searching out male friends in particula. Have fun and I hope you make a lot of friends!
As usual, I agree with everything gi-jane has to say! Couldn't add another thing that would make it better!
I also agree with catilinoftheplants! One of my favorite sayings is, "Fake it till you make it"!
Being 20 years old is a reason for shyness in and of itself! I didn't become more self-confident until I was in my early 30's! So, if you don't want to wait 10 years for more self-confidence, see my quote above! lol
Good luck and congratulations on the 60 pounds!
I'm painfully shy and in college. Ive never even come close to having a boyfriend. I just moved into the dorms a month ago and even though I'm still far behind other 20 year olds in my experience level, I have already made a lot of progress just in this last month. Ive been reading this website and the guy who wrote it has some pretty cool things to say (http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshy ness/). I found it to be pretty helpful. I think you just have to put yourself out there and get over the awkwardness. I have found so far that if I dont face the awkwardness, then the fear of the awkwardness never goes away. If I do face it though, then a situation might be awkward at first, but it goes away and doesnt come back.
Good luck to you with everything. I'm having a hard time too.
I just wanted to say thank you to all you all for writing such wonderful responses. It was definilty something i needed to hear. And kbella, thankyou so much, especially for your comment on being yourself and not apologizing for it, its soooo true. I wouldnt consider myself an extrovert, but lately i just have felt more self consious and aware, and for the time being, ill be faking it. but in time, ill get the hang of being comfortable with myself and loving me for who i am no matter what package i come in (Lrg or small).
You all have inspired me so much, again thankyoU!
<3
Congratulations on your accomplishment, you should be very proud!
I can relate in that I, too, used to be very uncomfortable around guys. I had been sexually assaulted when I was 14, and molested a couple times after that. I simply did not trust guys anymore.
In my freshman year of college (last year) I met my boyfriend the first week of school. I did think he was cute and he seemed nice. We were together a lot, even though he did a lot of the talking and sharing of his life. I was very quiet around him. He asked me out I think a week or two after meeting me (lmao). I was still pretty quiet and very closed up for the first three or four months of our relationship.
So trust me, even if you are shy, if a guy likes you, he will take the chance to get to know you. It is fine to be uncomfortable, quiet, and not very open; but, if you appear to have a bad energy, aren't willing to answer questions when asked, and fake some confidence, then it is hard for people to get to know you. Some people are open books and will share their deepest darkest secrets with someone they recently met--others take time to earn their trust. As long as you allow people in, even if it's slowly, they will like you. I promise. :)
