what do you think? undereating and need support for increasing food

ok so I'm recovering from an ED and this is what I plan on eating today, I'd like to know your opinion...

8:00: 1 slice toasted weightwatchers bread w/ reduced sugar raspberry jam. + 1 mug coffee w/ semi-skimmed milk & splenda sweetner (<100 cals)

12:30: Slim-a-soup chicken noodle & vegetable (55)

1:00: 1 weight-watchers strawberry mousse (90)

3:00: 1 apple (70)

6:00: gobi (cauliflower) + 1 chapati w/ salad (<300)

6:30: 1 weight-watchers strawberry mousse (90)

9:00: 10 grapes (30)

I know it seems like a little but I just can't seem to bring myself to eat more than that without feeling guilty and depressed. advise?

Are you seeing a doctor or nutritionist to help your recovery? Because I would def. advise it.  Since I stopped restricting, I've ended up doing crazy binges (not constant).  And i think gaining weight too fast is as destructive as weight loss.  I assume you know all the stuff about needing 1200 calories as a bare minimum just to function.  Even to maintain I am sure it is a lot higher for you.  I can't really help because I know that guilty/depressed feeling so well.  If I'm feeling brave and I don't feel like eating I've ocassionally persuaded myself to drink a 'build up' drink from the chemist... It gives me body what I need but i don't have to eat then.  I assume it's also too scary to go with calorie dense foods such as nuts.  This may not work for you... but I am trying out Weightwatchers point system in an attempt to get less OCD about calories.  I am currently going with maintenance points since my 7lb weight gain scared me... even if my BMI is still unhealthily low.  End of rant... well temporarily... just checking your stats 

How tall are you? You're tiny! Scary.  I'm not sure what to say except I can really relate to how your feeling.  And you need support to help you deal with it. 

Hi Sasha,

Firstly, congratulations on taking charge of your ED and being on the path to recovery.  I don't know what you must be going through so I can only offer my opinion on your intake above.

By realising that you have the ED and deciding that you have to do something about it to be healthy must be so difficult and you must be, and will have to continue to be brave and strong and ambitious!!  You can do it I'm sure just take charge!!  Are you working with a Dr to introduce foods again?

Based on the calorie count above you are eating approximately 50% of what you need to be.  What are you scared of?  Your body needs food to live, isn't the fact that you are depriving it more scary than eating it?  Imagine 100 calories for each thing that your body needs to do, which would you like it to stop to enable you to eat less?  Blood pumping? liver cleansing?  breathing? bladder functions? 

Here's what I've eaten today

Oatmeal and millk (sets me up for the drive to work) (200kcals)

2 apples (lovely sweet gala ones) (160 kcals)

Cereal bar (little chocolate intake) (90kcals)

Small handful of jiucy pumpkin seeds (100 kcals)

Dairylea sandwich on seed covered bread with lettuce and cucumber (220 kcals)

I'm nice and full right now, have had 60% of my daily allowance, not eaten a lot of fat, planning a lovely warm chicken caeser salad for tea when I get home at 5:30pm that will give me all the energy I need for my 90 minute Yoga class tonight.

How about some peanut butter on your toast?  or a small banana to go with it? a small jacket potatoe with your lunchtime soup? a handful of brazil nuts with your 3pm apple.

You can do this, I know you can because otherwise you would never have asked for help in the first place.  Decide what you really really want and one step at a time, one meal at a time.

I'm 5' 2", short arse! lol my BMI is 20 so I'm not underweight. yeah I am seeing a dietition and a counciller and regular GP appointments but they've only just started so I've only had one meeting with the dietition so far but I'm hoping he can help, without making me eat horribly calorific meals lol. even looking at what I'm gonna eat today seems like a lot. I'll look into those build up drinks.

thanks for caring Kathy, one of the reasons I find it hard bringing more calories into my diet is because I'm not allowed to exercise. I used to work out on the crosstrainer for at least 40 mins but since my blood pressure and circulation is so low, the doctor has told me not to go on it, occasionaly my mum gives in but even then I'm restriced to 20 minutes on a low difficulty setting. The only exercise I get now is the 40min walk home from work and my crunches, squats and arm swings. so I don't want to eat what I can't work off.

Just by living and breathing your body burns calories!!! Even if you lay in bed 24/7... try and reassure yourself with that thought x

Sasha, that would scare me, to be banned from exercising by a doctor, you understand why don't you?

I'm guessing that you have been banned from exercising because your body is actually struggling to keep you alive on the calories that you are eating, that any additional strain or pressure on it could kill you. 

I've never suffered an ED so you can tell me that I don't understand, but I can't imagine that realisation being less scary than eating, even gaining weight.

yeah it does scare me and i do want to get better, if not for me, for my family cos i can see how worried my mum is when the doctor tells her all of these things and i really do want to get better, i jus don't want to put on any weight! they're assuring me that they won't let me but it's just really scary.  i know i can get through it though, its just not gonna be a speedy or easy recovery.

Hi Sasha,

Ive always had problems with food, although i am very unlike you.

I am what they class as morbidly obese , mainly due to past medications but my way of dealing with that was to starve myself for days and then binge eat everything i could get my hands on for a few days. I piled on weight (much quicker than i would have with just the medication).

But i do understand how repulsed you can feel at the thought of eating, even now, im supposed to eat 1750 in order to lose a steady weight each week but i struggle to eat 1200 without feeling sick and convincing myself im  failing.

When reading your post the first thing i wanted to say was ' you are amazing. you are ' recovering', what an inspiration you can be to other ED sufferers. You are beating a killer sasha, remember that'

Secondly, the only advice i could offer is perhaps you might be able to substitute you meals slightly, how about trying to use a different bread other than weightwatchers (still a very healthy bread but with a slightly higher calorific value) and the slim-a-soup, how about exchanging for a weightwatchers or a slimfast soup (still low in calories and very healthy but not so low as slim-a-soups)

I truely hope this helps and honestly, you are incredible.

Thanks a lot smurf001 =] everyones so nice here!

I've had my dinner but there wasn't any flower to make the chapatis with so I had 2 slices of the weightwatchers bread instead. but then I had a low fat trifle which is about 150 cals i think, instead of a 90cal strawberry mousse. I've had 3 grapes and might have some more when I go down to watch the telly in a bit but I'm only allowing myself 7. my mum let me go on the crosstrainer for 15 mins and that made me feel better, i walked the 40min home from work in the rain! and i've done my crunches, arm swings and tricep dips. i don't feel as depressed today so hopefully if i take it one day at a time i'll get better =]

thanks guys xxx

Hi again sasha,

Im so pleased that ur feeling a little happier today.

Its a hard long road but your well on your journey :o)

And when times get tough and the dark clouds approach, remember the support everyone here offers and use it to your advantage. Its surprising how much a strangers word can help. :o)

Hey sasha- my mom has these protein/weight-loss shakes from "isagenix" & while your recovering (yeah!) you might want to look into them. A serving is 230 calories with tons of nutrinional goodies in them. So, maybe instead of the empty bread & mousee's you could substitute one of these to get some more nutrition in you...good luck, really!

http://www.isagenix.com/us/en/home.dhtml

um, you wouldn't happen to know how to get them in england would you? lol

thanks though, i'll try find some protein shakes over here, will they fill me up though?

xxx

Hi Sasha,

    I would trade out the mousse for something with more nutritional value.  If you're going to eat light you should at least try to eat foods that are nutritionally dense as possible.  Also, maybe add some protein.  I would pair up some protein and a little fat with some of your fruit-only snacks.

I would ditch one of the weight watcher's mousse and add one of these to a few of your "meals" and breakfast.

Light string cheese (60)

hard boiled egg (70)

2 oz chicken tender (50)

boca burger (70)

mmm, good point. i guess any protein shake would do, calorie wise i'd go for one between 150-250 per serving. shakes are what i used to reintroduce food into my life, helped a lot! i like em because they do make you feel full but not gross, "i just ate food" full...lol. plus, like i said, the nutritional benefits- more energy=happier!

ok so I've been eating a LOT more recently. at my last appointment at the doctors they said if my heart beat gets any lower they would have to put me into hospital which I do NOT want! so I've had to start eating more. The thing is now I feel like I can't stop! and I feel like such a pig, everyone keeps telling me it's okay and that it's not that much and I need to eat but I just feel so greedy and nasty.

this is what I've had today...

10:00am - 2 bowls of Sultana Bran Cereal w/semi-skimmed milk (320cals) + 1 glass cranberry juice (120cals)

12:30pm - M&S Low Fat Chicken Wrap (270)

3:30pm - McDonalds Fruit Bag (40)

6:30pm - M&S Low Fat Vegetable Lasagne w/ low fat coleslaw + salad (400)

7:00pm - Alpen Bar (130)

8:30pm - 1 heaped bowl of Sultana Bran Cereal w/semi-skimmed milk (200)

that's a lot! to be fair I do eat more at the weekends and then cut down on weekdays but argh... that's like DOUBLE what I'm used to eating.

You are doing great! I don't have an ED so I am sure I can't understand, but the amount of calories you ate today is really good. You did not go overboard, you ate enough calories that your body can function the way it is supposed to. You did not overeat or undereat. You should be really proud of yourself.

{{{sasha}}}

good job!  looks like you are spreading out your food, getting a variety and I can hear the determination in your voice. 

now, here's the deal.  you are not a pig.  you need to listen to what you are telling yourself.  write it down.  would you tell that to your best friend? your daughter? your little sister? 

sometimes we have to talk back to the *negative* things we tell ourselves and intentionally replace them with positive thoughts like:

I don't want to go to the hospital so I choose to eat better.

eating better is good for me so I can be healthy and happy

Food will help nourish my body.  I need food.

_________________________ (your words)

wow! i'm so proud of you sasha, you seem to be doing well. remember, we're always here to support you at cc. you know, when you recover, you're gonna look back and chuckle at it and think, "why did i even do that?" so just keep at it!

I just keep telling myself "it's okay to eat, you have to or you're going to hospital". have to keep trying to convince myself that food isn't evil. normally i do this for the weekend and then i go back to my old ways in the week cos i have work and no one to watch me. but i'm gonna try so hard not to do that this week and hopefully i'll be better by thursday (next appointment). a part of me is saying "it's only for a week, you can make up for it afterwards" but then i know thats wrong cos it has to be forever, not just for a week. argh.

but anyways thanks for everything guys, i'll let you know what happens

xxx