Underweight

Hello I am wondering if someone can help me.  I am new to this, I am so hurt by the teasing and the looks and the jokes.  My  son is thin and I cant understand why people are so mean.  If your overweight people stare, laugh, make comments.  But guess what being underweight is not different.  I just saddens me so much at how cruel people can be.  Someone actually offered my son 5.00 and said that he looks hungry, to go and buy something to eat.  He has been called a crackhead, and who knows what else.  I dont know what to do.  He is a young man, not a boy, but it still bothers me.  I think it bothers him too, but he doesnt express his feelings.  I have just about had it I swear if someone looks at him funny again, I am going to end up fighting someone.  How do I handle this as a Mom.  His Dad use to be thin, I use to be thin, and his 1/2 sister who is 28 is really thin.  He went to the Dr. and had blood work done, everything came out fine.  He is 5'8 and probably 105 lbs.  He works graveyard, so that is not good as far as a regular eating schedule.  Because he basically sleeps all day.  I am looking for some advise on how to not be so sensitive about this or some advise for him on how to gain weight.  I know it bothers him. It just kills me to no end.

Fed up with mean people

aww that's awful - i'm so sorry people are being so rude about your son! i think it's much worse for boys who are very underweight than it is for girls.

http://www.maudsleyparents.org/images/printer friendly_recipes.pdf i know your son isn't anorexic but these recipes are for parents who are trying to refeed severely underweight children. might be helpful?

That's horrible. This thread may console you, if only a little, to let you know your son is not alone: Click Me

Your son sounds as though he is blessed and cursed with an active metabolism. He could also do with gaining weight - I expect you know this much as per your rant. It usually takes up to 3000 calories for a teen boy to put on weight, sometimes more. But it can be done. I have to eat 3000 to 4000 calories regularly in weight gain and haven't done it with gainer suppliments or anything like that nor do I feel it is required of me to go out and buy junk just to do it.

To help you along, try shopping for some high calorie, low density foods. These are foods that are as the name says - high in calories but low in bulk. These are vital because they add calories without adding bulk. Examples of these would be whole fat dairy, nuts and nut butters, avocado, oils like olive oil and canola (rapeseed) oil as two examples, oily fish, dried fruit and dense fruit like bananas as just a handful of examples. There are two threads stickied at the top of this forum: Support Recipes - while aimed more at recovering disordered eaters these may still help you - and The Official High-Cal Food List. 

Mashed's suggestions are brilliant, too: Maudsley is a method of refeeding and recovery in anorexia in which parents take the role of feeders and provide very high calorie meals at mealtimes. While your son is not anorexic, the recipies will probably still prove a boon.

If your son eats his meals in five or six rather than three big ones it's a lot easier to fit more calories in, too, and less uncomfortable on the stomach. A breakdown of 3000 calories:
Breakfast 750
Snack 300
Lunch 750
Snack 250
Dinner 750
Snack 250
Total 3000

If 3000 does not result in weight gain after two weeks, you would need to increase calories further. For now, though, aim for 3000 bare minimum.

The only thing I personally think is worth watching when upping calories is salt and trans fat, but as for him getting a balance of other nutrients and food groups? Don't worry about it. If he has carbs, proteins, fruit or veg, healthy fats and dairy in all meals over the day and gets enough fibre, he'll be fine. And while it may be thought that sustaining on junk and McDonalds might be necessary you won't need to just plug junk to make numbers, though do aim to get some of that in there. A balanced diet isn't just about nutrition, in the end, but getting all sorts of foods in. No bad foods, just bad diets.

He may want to weight lift and do resistance exercise during gaining as it helps build healthy muscle in a surplus, but be aware: cardiovascular exercising is completely counter-productive during gaining unless he is willing to eat back everything he burns. And as with any exercise, if your doctor, nutritionist or another professional tells your son not to exercise at all, not even weights or yoga/pilates, then listen to them. Though if his bloods and tests came back clear he'll likely be alright.

I'm terribly sorry, again, to hear your son has been getting such awful treatment. I hope this advice might help you both.

- Ellie/Lala.

That is weird that they make fun of him because typically people are too scared to make fun of a skinny person out of fear that they might actually be sick or have cancer. When I was really skinny (I am talking 75 pounds)... I never was laughed at, I was gawked at. It hurt to be gawked at though and I finally realized that I was slowly killing myself, so I brought myself outta the funk and here I am today... I hate mean people to. I hate when people laugh at others who struggle with their weight. I hate people who laugh at over weight people running &/or walking - these people are TRYING and laughing at them really does not help/make them want to keep on going! I wish I knew how to help your son. Does he eat enough? Does he eat healthfully? All I can say, is that if you can, pack him meals for his graveyard work.... that way at least he has got something on hand to eat - you do have every right to be sensitive about this, after all he is your son... sadly there is not to much you can do about your own qualms... all you can try and do is try and have your son eat more high calorie yet healthy foods. 

I agree with what everyone else is saying, but I'd also get him to drink Ensure (or better yet, Ensure Plus-- 350 cals in 8 oz). it's nutritious and it'll help out, but he may need to drink a couple a day.

He should ask his doctor for a referral to a dietician.  Being chronically underweight is a recognised medical condition.  Even if his vital signs are OK at the moment - and he's young so his body can take some punishment -  it's going to catch up on him at some point.    So he's entitled to some professional help in resolving it.

If that service is unavailable then he has to do what overweight people do, which is to retrain their eating behaviour completely.  He has to 'unlearn' the bad habits (if you'll pardon the observation) that keep your whole family thin.  Often this has to be in a really deliberate, almost mechanical, fashion at first until they get into a good habit.    Food/mealtimes/muscle-building exercises etc. has to take priority and life has to fit in around it.   Food has to be deliberately thought about, mealtimes stuck to, the calories pre-counted, the portions measured and the preparations made in advance of the day ahead.... not just bits and pieces grabbed haphazardly or meals skipped as he goes along.  That part you can certainly help him with..   It wouldn't be too extreme to suggest he changes his job.  His health is more important.

It's not nice to see anyone you love being bullied.  But I'm convinced your feelings about him would improve if you felt he was either getting some help or making positive inroads into the problem.  I'm also convinced that he'd stand a better chance of success if the whole family adopted the same approach.   It's tough to be the only one eating differently to everyone else.