Unexperienced boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too

My boyfriend and I dated in high school for about two years before we had an awful breakup. We were each others' firsts and obviously learned a lot about relationships through one another. We broke up just before graduating high school and stopped speaking for about a year and a half.

Once I got to college I took advantage of being single and lived a promiscuous life. I slept with three other guys, one of which I had a serious relationship with for a few months.

My boyfriend and I got back together around the middle of our sophomore year and have been smooth sailing since then. We are very in love and believe our relationship is better than it ever was in high school, in fact it feels like a whole separate relationship. 

The problem I'm facing is that while I was hooking up with other guys, my boyfriend only made out with other girls, never had sex with any of them. He wants to commit with me and can see himself in a truly long-term relationship with me (talks about marriage and family) yet keeps bringing up the difficulty he faces in knowing that I've been with other people and he hasn't. He thinks it has more to do with the fact that there's an imbalance, but he has approached the situation like "Oh why don't we break up for a bit and I can see what it's like and then we'll get back together" aka have his cake and eat it too. He never talks about doing any of these things in the near future and claims he's happy with our sex life and that he really doesn't want to be with anyone else.

I do not understand it at all. I do not know how to help him or us. I am trying to not be sensitive and take it personally but I take everything to heart and wonder if this is just part of a much bigger issue.

Are any of you still in a relationship with the person you lost your virginity to? Do you both have the same amount of partners? Any insight/personal experiences may help me grasp my situation.

I was my ex's first, he had fooled around with girls but never got down to the deed. I had been with 5 guys. While he didn't actually want to break up so he could screw around, he felt the same as your bf, like he missed out on something and that it basically wasn't "fair". Well he's since been with a bunch of women and now really wants to be with just one girl again. He doesn't like the meaningless sex with random women anymore, he still does it because he's well, horny, but feels bad after the fact. Your bf probably won't listen if you tell him it's not all it's cracked up to be. I know when I was with my first bf I also had thoughts about "is this the only guy I'm ever going to be with?". It's a hard situation... and like the other's said, it probably won't go away.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by ignayshus:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

sure, ig.  but kimbahleeee also needs to ask herself how she might feel if they stay together and, five or ten years from now, he's still talking about all the girls he didn't bang (if he didn't). 

Personally she shouldn't stay with him.

It's an issue for him, it will ALWAYS be an issue for him, he will ALWAYS wonder what if?...

They're what 21? There's years before either should even consider permanently settling down with anyone.

If I were the op I'd cut him loose, tell him to go experience whatever part of his life he feels is missing and remain friends with him.  Keep in touch, but not too in-touch, and revisit the relationship in a year or two.

i'm pretty sure that's what i said; i just said it in a way that allowed her to figure it out for herself.

99.5% of the time I don't do subtlety.  Curse of the alpha male...

I am a bit confused on the "even the score" thing.  Maybe it is my age.  (I am with Thchr here)

My husband and I have been together for 16 years, married for 14.  I was divorced when I met my husband and had a rebellion phase after my marriage went kaput.  My husband has only been with one other woman.  I used to worry that he would be concerned, he knew that there were more, but never asked for an accounting.  I don't think all men play the, "If you did, I should too" game.

You are both young and have so much time in front of you to develop relationships.  Make the most of what you have and if he wants more let him go.  I agree with the other posters, don't wait in the wings for him.  You weren't together when you went to college and you don't owe him a catch up period.

My bf had more partners than I ever did.  After being together many years, we broke up.  I thought I would never hear from him again and for 3 weeks we didn't.  I met someone new and slept with him fairly quickly (rebound).   We dated for about 6 weeks and it didn't work out.  

Then I got back together with my bf.  He knew about the other guy, but he felt like your guy.  He said that he didn't sleep with anyone because he knew that I couldn't accept it and he didn't risk it.  He told me he always thought we were going to be together.  So I think while we were broken up and I thought I would never hear from him, part of him was holding out for us to get back together.  

So when we got back together, and he found out, he wanted to even the score.  

So maybe your guy was holding out because he knew you guys were going to get back together and thought you would have held out for him too. 

I told my bf my reasons, and there was nothing I could do to fix his issue with it.  He had to accept it or move on.  He occasionally brought it up so I think he still stewed about it.  When we broke up again, he was quick to find someone new.