Unhealthy Friends

I need some advice. I spend a lot of weekends at my boyfriend's house with his family. I've been trying to lose weight for eight months, and I am able to behave during the week. But when I go to my boyfriend's house, the only food available is very high in fat and calories. They will have pizza for dinner friday night, donuts for breakfast saturday morning, nachos for dinner saturday night, and chicken patties Sunday night. There are no fruits or vegetables, and his dad says he will not tolerate low-fat foods in his house. Everyone looks at me strangely if I don't finish off a plate loaded with 2,000 calories of food. How do I keep my diet going without appearing to look down my nose at them?

Edit: The thing is, I come on a bus from college to visit him 70 miles away. He can't come visit me at school because he has to work on weekends, so if I want to see him I have to spend weekends at his house. Dining halls here won't let you take food away for later... I already paid for a meal plan and don't have money for extra groceries three days a week. Thanks for the feedback, though!

Well, if they're not willing to let you bring some healthy options for yourself, then maybe you need to spend your weekends elsewhere.  What does your BF say?  Does he care?  Honestly, are they going to throw you out if you bring some of your own groceries?  If they do then I would stop visiting.

"I'm full, I couldn't possibly eat anymore" would be my mantra to them. Do you dish out your own food or does someone else generally dish for everyone? If you dish out your own food, then just make sure you are taking super small portions of everything....I mean, ya gotta eat and if you can't bring your own stuff, then just make sure you have portion control.

If someone else dishes the food, then eat half of whatever is given, and then use the 'im full' line. I was always taught to finish my plate, no matter what, especially at someone else's house, you don't want to seem wasteful of food. But that habit had to be broken, cuz I'd get huge portions at ppl's houses. But after a few times of them dishing a ton out to you, and you not ever finishing it, the person dishing will eventually get conditioned to scoop you less.

Talk to your boyfriend. If this is important to you, then he needs to be helping. You ride a bus 70 miles to see him, the least he can do is support you by stocking at least a small amount of things for you in the house.

Fruits and Vegetables can't be high in fat or low in fat. They just ARE what they are (unless someone's come up with a low fat avocado?!).

And things like pizza, nachos and chicken patties? YOU can make those low in fat and better for you. Opt out of the grease covered pizza and ask if it's possible to get a vegetarian pizza, or a chicken pizza instead of the pepperoni one.

Use 1/2 as much nacho cheese, way more sliced lettuce, and half the amount of actual nachos.

For the chicken patties, ask if yours can be grilled, and not fried.

These are small substitutions, and if they're not willing to cater to you that much, then you should question just how welcome you are...and how much you should be going to this boy's house.

i'd pack my own snacks for the weekend that i could keep in my backpack. (like apple/orange/rawnuts) and eat very small portions of what they offer.  it's only a couple dollars for a weekend and your health/weight is worth it.

i'm lacto intolerant vegetarian so it's easy for me to avoid eating a lot of crappy foods served to me in social situations without offending anyone.  however, i don't see anything wrong with telling them you need to retrain from large portions of greasy food because it upsets your stomach?  don't worry about people looking at you strangely.  people did that and made all kind of comments when i first became vegetarian but gradually the weird looks and comments will stop once they get used to eating around you, as long as you don't make a big deal about it.

Personally I would tell them the truth...while you find nothing wrong with them eating whatever they want you prefer/choose to eat differently...its all about choices...dont hold it against them and they shouldnt hold it against you on the flip side either...now with that said...if you cant get them to have it on hand...bring what you prefer with you...you normally would eat it if you werent visiting so bring it with you...throw it in a back pack and tote it with you...when I travel on business I generally take certain foods that I know wont be easily found but I like and so I throw them in my suitcase....it isnt being rude to bring your own...just remember its that persons choice and respect that decision right wrong or indifferent...you might be surprised but some of them may even get curious enough to ask about what you are eating/doing and join eventually...I know because it happened to me with family and co-workers...eventually they came around...some didnt but hey its their choice...best of luck.

I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him what your concerns are and then the two of you together should explain to his family/dad/whoever that you would really like to have/bring some different food choices that you like and want to eat for when you visit.  I think that this will be a lot easier for you if you and your boyfriend are on the same team about this and it's important that he knows that you're not judging his family or their eating habits, that you are concerned about your own weight and health. 

If they're reasonable I don't see why they would stop you from eating what you want, it's not like you are asking them to eat it, or even cook you separate meals. 

Also, make it well known that you are trying to lose some weight/get fit/train for a marathon, whatever you need to tell them so that when they say "Eat this." you can just say "Oh, sorry, I can't.  I'm down to the last 5 lbs."...if you don't hide it, they really haven't got a leg to stand on.

Right there with you!  Had the same thing happen to me, in that relationship for 4 years total.  I thought that I had good self control until I got over to his parents house.  Same situation.  They were a little more flexible though, although I could tell they were somewhat offended.  I more had a problem snacking when I was there on unhealthy food, because everyone else was stuffing their face.  Honestly, no good suggestions...  stop at the store on the way over and pick up more sensible choices and stick to your guns about it...?  sometimes it was so terrible watching them eat crap and the manner in which they consumed it...  literally watching them kill themselves with their food choices.. "you are what you eat" huh.

The truth is a good thing. I realized that it actually works. Just 2 nights ago people were practically trying to shove a cookie down my throat, but I told them really politely, I wish I could, but I've gained 15 pounds by not being careful with what I eat, so I'm really trying to watch myself now--this is all totally true. You don't even have to say lose weight, because losing weight is a kind of touchy subject, esp. because most people think that I'm "skinny enough" already, but if I tell them, yes, I know I am a healthy weight, it's just that I need to watch myself now, because otherwise I will keep gaining ridiculously like this, then it's better. Or if I do let people know I'm trying to lose weight, the reason I put out there is not that I really think I NEED to, but I'm getting really annoyed that I can't fit into my old clothes anymore, so I would like to lose some weight so I don't have to go out and buy news ones. Between those 2, that usually would work for me.

Also, I am a college kid too, and maybe before you leave you can take as much portable food as you can from the dining hall, like apples and fruits and cereal, bread, etc.

I can relate to this. Fortunately I live in a situation where my wife and I essentially prepare our own meals due to cultural differences but once  a year I stay with friends in another country who drink heavily, (as I used to) and eat large fatty meals.

When I go next month I'm just going to say NO. I'll insist on smaller serves and leave what I don't want on the plate. I'll go out and buy fruit and low calorie snacks and if they complain I'll preach to them about healthy living and weight loss. This will certainly shut them up.

Because I've got so many other people to catch up with I'll eat out a lot, then I can choose what I want to eat.