Unhelpful comments

Just wanted to share this with you, because in a way it made me rather angry, although I didn't show it.

I was talking on the phone to my friend last night, and she was asking me how I was getting on with my recovery and weight gain.  I actually saw this friend about a month ago for the first time in a year, and she told me then she was worried about how thin I was.

Anyway, on the phone I was telling her how hard it is when you have an ED to actually get enthusiastic about food and enjoy it.  I tried to explain how little appetite I have and how I literally have to force myself to eat at times.

She made a comment along the lines of "I'm so jealous of you because you can eat what you want without worrying - I wish I could feed myself up like you can, and get away with it".

Now for me, this comment has completely the wrong effect in that it has the potential to put me off completely and make me restrict even more.

I don't blame my friend for what she said because she has always loved her food and has never had any problems.  And I'm sure she didn't mean it to sound in any way patronising.

It's just that I'm over-sensitive when someone says something that makes my ED come back up to the fore.

Thanks for reading - I needed to get that off my chest!

No matter your size, you need to eat healthy!  Eating properly is the best way to work toward getting to your ideal wt, no matter if your trying to gain or loose.  How helpfull will it be for you to eat that cheeseburger every day or cream cake all the time when you finally do reach your ideal wt?  I think the fruit and veggies are a MUCH better alternative, you can still enjoy those as much as you want once you get to your goal.

i know what you mean. a lot of people have said to me, "i'm so jealous of you, i wish i could eat that much!!! i wish i had to gain x pounds too!!!" but they don't realize that it's so hard to. hearing "go eat a whole pie?" i'd like to feel comfortable eating a slice of pie first. and i want to gain healthy weight. and that support doesn't need those kind of comments...

'You're so fat' from my brother,  at BMI 16.  Obviously that didn't help much.

please tell me you got him back for that?  Some comment that would jab at him just as bad as that jabbed at you so he got the point?

Original Post by opeth14:

'You're so fat' from my brother,  at BMI 16.  Obviously that didn't help much.

I can definitely relate: I have 5 siblings and they all make comments like that. My younger sister refers to me as "fatty" every time she sees me.

Oh it's horrible, don't re-live these uncomfortable moments in posts or thoughts. The more you think about them the more significant they'll seem.

Try dwelling on positive comments and situations. The more you think about them the better you can make yourself feel. My friend said to me the other day "Someone switched the light back on in your eyes!" Now thats a comment I'm willing to share!

Focus on the positive and you'll be surprised at all the tiny miricles you come across everyday!

Original Post by dave98z3:

Just forgive them...and follow this as a guide:

1.  Do not bring up the situation to yourself.

2.  Do not bring up the situation to the offender.

3.  Treat the offender as if it never happened.

4.  Do not talk about the situation to others.

I know its hard but its the best way to just let it go.

Dave

this is the most sensible response. yes comments are hurtful and not thought through. but the fact is that the disorder is yours. the skew is in your thinking and the amount of distortion is due to your mind. these threads have come up before and i think they are completely unhelpful.  you cannot change the world of people who do not have eating disorders. you cannot and should not make them understand. part of recovery is about normalising your thinking and accepting that ppl say stuff and you just need to let it wash off you. picking on every single bloody comment only increases your bitterness and isolation from the real world - giving more fuel for the e.d to survive.

Original Post by tessa1223:

i ve had loads odf comments such as

people asking me how to starve themselfs, people saying i wish i could give you a few pound of my weight , i wish i was as thin as you .

its all lack of understanding my guess is your friend dosent realise the seriousness of this illness . dont take it to heart perhaps talk to her explain how you feel h x

Wow Tessa, I am guilty of saying those very things. But from ME ONLY, I never meant it in a bad way. I know that sounds quite ignorant but I meant it like: "you're so thin(and happy (or so I think))and I'm so fat  and miserable, I want to be like you. I never think about someone who is suffering from an ED as being unhappy. But we are really in the same boat. I am the opposite. I am totally out of control and won't stop putting food in my mouth. As someone stated earlier it IS A WARPED SENSE OF JEALOUSY!

Waycat, please don't be mad at your friend. I know her comments are insensitive and a bit demeaning but I assure you she didn't mean it the way it came out.

I am so glad that we all can come together and discuss this though!

Good luck to everyone on here!

my housemate "but you must not be anorexic anymore, because you eat?". wow. :/