Am I being unreasonable?

I wrote about this in my journal but since I dont have many friends yet, I thought I might get more opinions posting here.  Would you be mad too?  Am I being unreasonable?  I just need reassurance I guess lol..  (My garage doesnt have a lock on it and I'm not sure how I could set it up to where it would lock.) This is sort of long .....

I'm not a difficult person to get along with and I have no problem with kids.  I have 3 of my own that I love dearly.

That said.....I'm ready to pull my hair out.  The neighborhood kids come to my house while I'm not at home and jump on our trampoline, play in the garage, and who knows what else!  Most of the time my kids arent even home when they do this but this time they were.

My mother watches my children until late 2 days a week because of have late classes on those days.  I live right beside her and my children are 6, 8, and 11.  I came home the other night (early, because I got out of class early).  And I caught my kids and some of the neighborhood kids at my house.  I was mad, maybe I overreacted but I was very mad.  As I pulled in the drive I noticed the trampoline net that goes around it had been almost pulled down.  Then I got out of the car, and realized my garage door was broken!  I went off!  I asked what happened and all the kids, including mine, just looked at me.  I was like what happened to the garage and the trampoline?  No one answered so I told my girls to go up to their grandmothers and I would be up there to talk to them.  Then I told the other kids that they were not to be at my home when I wasnt there. 

I like the kids, they seem like good kids.  I know that kids will be kids, and that is what bothers me.  If someone got hurt while I wasnt home I would still be responsible for what happens at my home.  The garage door being broken like it was could have seriously hurt someone. 

So I go up to my mothers house and calmly ask if we can talk.  I told her that the chldren werent to be home unless I was there.  It just isnt safe for them to be alone in my opinion and I'm their mother right?  She said I cant be under them all the time!  She was furious at me for asking that they not go down to the house to play.  She said maybe you need to start paying me more if you want any say so while you are gone.  (I dont pay her to watch the kids at all, and I know that I am blessed to have her to watch them for free.)  However, I dont think its too much to ask.  Anyway, she told me not to tell her how to take care of the kids and that I could find someone else to watch them. (I dont have the means to do that right now, we are barely getting by til I finish school.)

The neighborhood kids have told my oldest daughter they wont be back to play with her because I'm mean!  I dont think I'm mean, who would like to come home to expensive things being broken and no adults around to watch the kids?  One of these kids that said that is 17 years old.  It looks like a 17 yr old would have more common sense than to invade someones home without them being there.  Maybe I'm being too hard on them, but I dont send my children to another persons home without them being there.  If I found out there were going to a place unsupervised they would be in trouble.  Where are the other considerate parents?

*edit*  I also meant to add that I have expensive work out equipment and stuff in my garage.  Its like they assume this is a free for all.....One child used my treadmill on 10 mph and fell.  She had burns from the belt on it on her legs, stomach, and one arm.  Her mother called to ask me about it.  I never gave the child permission to use the treadmill in the first place! 

Oooh.  Totally NOT unreasonable to expect them to have adult supervision at ALL times.

Sounds like your mom might be feeling "put upon."  If you can't afford to pay her, maybe you can do something else for her.  Use the barter system - cook a few meals for her, or do her yard work.

But definitely stand up for how you want your kids to be watched.  They are way too young to be alone, and is something happened to them, all the "I'm sorry"s in the world wouldn't fix it.  I wouldn't let mine be alone till she's 12.  At 11, your oldest might be okay to be alone for short times, but not to be alone AND responsible for watching over the 2 younger ones.

I completely agree with lb802! The barter system idea sounds very creative and doable.

Also, you are right to be concerned about the neighborhood children playing on your equipment, trampoline and even in your house when you are not at home!  Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.  I would create a waiver of liability (just write something up as a Word document that states you do not want unsupervised children playing at your house)  make a bunch of copies and ask all the neighborhood kid's parents to sign it.  This would allow you to have a reasonable dialogue with the neighbors about their kids playing at your house and your concerns.  If they are uncomfortable signing a document, then politely ask them to forbid their kids to be at your house when you aren't home.  Not mean.  Just smart!  You have to look out for yourself!

Very true, wlmich!  If those kids get hurt at your house, even if their parents don't sue you (which they could), it might go against your homeowners' insurance and that would raise your insurance rates.

You definitey have a right (and I would say the responsibility) to stop this potentially dangerous situation.  Just look at the one kid who already got hurt on the treadmill!  Not your fault at all, but you've got to get them to stay off your property when you're not home.

I know that a lot of people in a lot of areas leave their houses, garages, sheds, etc unlocked but that is a bad ideea. Nothing happens for a long while and then surprise! they get robbed or their stuff gets vandalised. You really should lock that garage when you are not around, what if one of the kids, god forbid, injures himself seriously? There must be some small company in the area that makes basic locking systems for different types of doors, nothing fancy or expensive.

You really aren't being unreasonable at all. What are these other kids' parents thinking letting them round someone else's house without permission anyway??

i would be mad if i were you to.

that being said, im 17 and i would deffinetly know better than to go rummaging threw someone else's stuff when they werent home. why is a 17year old  hanging around kids so young anyways?

Thanks guys, its great to have someone to vent to.  I don't want the parents of these kids thinking that I'm rude or mean.  In my opinion those that do not make sure their kids are respectful are the rude ones ...but oh well.

The reason the 17 yr old was here, is she is a sister of one of the other kids that is my daughters friend.  I told my daughter I didnt care if they ever came back over if that is the attitude they have.  But, I mean I dont want to run my kids friends off, I just want them to respect my home and privacy, and if I'm not here they shouldnt be here. 

Thank you all for your support.

Oh and about helping my mom, I cook for my mom and dad on other evenings that I'm home early.  I think she does get stressed easily.  But, I dont even let the kids play outside by themselves when I'm home.  I make sure I'm out there with them. 

It is so COMPLETELY time to make some changes, my dear!

It's so hard to be beholden to your parents for what they've done (or are doing) to help you.  I've been there.  It sounds to me like your relationship with your Mother (and your kids' relationship with her) is in jeopardy of becoming harmed. 

Maybe she's right.  Maybe you SHOULD pay her more.  But that being said, why don't you pay someone else, someone neutral to the situation, to watch the kids?  I understand the blessings of free babysitting, but.......it sounds like it is costing you more anyways.  (Emotionally).

Scour the neighbourhood.  Talk to RESPECTFUL neighbours, etc.  Maybe you can barter babysitting with another Mom for an evening or two...?  I love bartering services.  It's SO cheap!  LOL.

As for your garage/trampoline, etc.?  I'd be changing the locks on some doors, dismantling the trampoline (temporarily), and setting down some HUGE rules.  With HUGE consequences.  Even though Gramma says they can go to the house?  YOU have told them they are not allowed.  Friends coming over OK with everyone?  YOU have told them they are not allowed.

I realize that the older kids most likely instigated and pushed the situation, and maybe pushed your kids into allowing the behaviour.  It most definitely could have been a "peer pressure" situation, and you don't want to penalize your kids if they're already dealing with a difficult situation.  However.  You need to make a BIG impression on them.  Ask them...what do THEY think you should do?  I do this to my girls all the time (11 & 13).  It's funny.  The moment they are given some control, WOW.  They start barking out the rules!  LOL!

Yep.  Gotta get control.  You're absolutely right.  If any kids get hurt on your property?  YOU are responsible, there or not.  Because there is already a pattern of the behaviour established.

Look at me.  Going all Dr. Phil on you.  LOL!  GOOD LUCK!!!  :oD

YOU are 100% right. Your kids shouldn't be home alone and there shouldn't be a bunch of kids there without your permission or knowledge. Thats the rules at my house

I agree that you are in the right.  You are concerned for your children, the other kids, and your home/property.

I think it is awesome that your Mom helps you take care of the kids - that is a huge help!  But free or otherwise, if she is going to take responsibility for them, she needs to take responsibility for them!  I'm not saying your Mom is negleting your kids, but if she is allowing them to run rampant at your house while you're not home, and kids are getting hurt and property damaged, something is not right!

Nonetheless, you need to secure your home and belongings.  Yard, garage, trampoline.  You can bet that if something serious were to happen, you'd end up in court, probably defending someone's accusations that you were negligent in keeping something out of the kids' harm - especially now that you've acknowledged that it has been a problem.

Wow.  You bet I'd be ticked off if I were you.  My kids aren't allowed in my home when I'm not here, either!  The neighbor watches them every once in awhile, and the last thing I need is someone breakign their neck on my swingset (your trampoline!).  Yikes!  Definitely a bummer that your mom doesn't see it the way you do.  I agree with many of the people above...barter system, or just setting clear expectations with huge consequences for your kids!  They can be the ones to respect your wishes.  Good luck!!!!

I talked to my mother about the girls again and she seemed a little more understanding now.  My fathers mom died last week so it has been a bad time for them.  I think she thought I was ungrateful and she was stressed from everything else.  She apologized. 

I'm going to look in to getting a lock company to come out and see what it would take to get the garage where it will lock.  I hate to pay that but I think it will be worth it for a little peace.  I thought about just wiring it shut and using the door to the garage.....but I would have to change the locks on that door also because I dont have a key to that.  I would rather just have it fixed right where I dont have to worry about taking a bunch of wires out when I want to raise the garage door lol.  I've never been mechanically inclined or a do-it-yourself'er.