Unsupportive Family: Help?

Hey everyone, I need a little advice. I decided to switch to a vegetarian lifestyle in the middle of my freshman year of high school (about four years ago), for various reasons. When I told my parents, they were pretty unsupportive. Their main critique was that I didn't like vegetables. Honestly, this is so far from the truth. I love most vegetables, but my family's staple vegetables are eggplant and okra, two vegetables that I don't care for. But, other than that, I am really a vegetable fan. I love carrots and celery and cucumbers and soy beans and lettuce and red peppers and broccoli and spinach and avocados and zucchini and chickpeas and lentils asparagus and leeks and artichokes and jicama and sweet potatoes and water chestnuts. You get the picture? Vegetables and I have a very healthy happy relationship.

So anyways, due to my dad's incessant teasing and my mom's insistence on making steak 3 times a week (she is Argentinean) I was pressured into giving it up. But I've gotten to the point now, about four years later, where I just can't take it any more. Honestly, I like the taste of meat. It is not unpleasant to me. But when I take the time to think after I eat, I feel so sick and guilty. I am the type of person who saves ants. Eating a sentient being just makes me feel disgusting.

So I've decided to give it another try, for the sake of my sanity. But I am NOT comfortable telling my family, because I know that they'll just try to bully me into giving it up. (They still jokingly refer to me as the only vegetarian in the world who hates vegetables.) Has anyone else been in this type of situation? How did you hide your decision from your relatives? (I am still living in my parents house, by the way, and we eat a communal dinner at least a few times a week.) Any advice would be much appreciated.

Honestly, I don't know if hiding it from them is a good long term solution, especially if you eat communal dinners.  Instead, why don't you try offering to cook a few veg meals? Or even just help with the veggie side dishes that you DO like.  Showing them that you do eat veggies may help with their acceptance. 

My family was not very supportive when I first went veg. I have relatives who 10 years later still don't get it.  I ended up cooking for myself a lot while they were learning to accept that this wasn't just some fad or a phase I was going through. 

It may help to have a serious conversation about why you want to be veg.  Talking to them about veg nutrition and showing them that you will still eat a balanced, healthy diet can go a long way to easing parental fears.

For more advice on this type of thing, I would check peta2.com. 

Yeah, do some research, gather resources and ask your parents to sit down w/you and have a serious talk about why you are choosing to become a vegetarian. Make sure to stress that a vegetarian diet is actually better for your health and have information on hand to back yourself up. Don't hide it though. It may be hard at first, but they'll let up with the teasing after they realize that you're not gonna budge.

You know, a good book that I'm finishing right now is Mad Cowboy by Howard Lyman. It's been VERY eye-opening for me. "A former cattle rancher-turned-vegetarian and food safety activist, in 1996, Lyman revealed, to a national television audience, how the cattle industry potentially exposed Americans to Mad Cow Disese by feeding cows the remains of live animals - including other cows. In this shocking and powerful book, Lyman uncovers the dangerous and potentially deadly practices of the cattle and dairy industry. Mad Cowboy is a passionate manifesto for change from an industry insider whose firsthand experiences will alter the way you think about your food, and the people who produce it, forever. "Sure, I used to enjoy my steaks as much as the next guy," writes Lyman. "But if you knew what I know about what goes into them and what they can do to you, you'd probably be a vegetarian like me."" 

Go pick up the book, read it, and talk about it with your parents.

These kind of stories make me so sad. We have been brainwashed by the meat/dairy industries to think that the only way to get protein is from meat, calcium only comes from milk and if you don't drink it you will get osteoporosis, you're missing out on vital nutrients if you don't consume the flesh of animals, bla bla bla..

Just stay true to yourself, and good luck.

my dad says THE EXACT SAME THING about being the worlds only veg who hates vegetables. honestly i love vegetables. i just don't like eggplant or zucchini. I don't know where they're getting that from.

My family is argentinean too! and yeah, vegetarianism is just a very foreign concept.  I really didn't go full vegetarian until I moved out though since it was so hard, I'd get stuck eating a little bit of meat once in a while so i wouldn't starve since all of their meals revolve around meat, if I'm lucky they'll make a side or toast some bread and I'll always volunteer to make a salad.

I've tried making them good vegetarian meals to show them it's possible to have even 1 meal not centered around meat, but it doesn't work, they'll  tell me it's good but my mom will throw some meat in there and claim it's becuase my brothers "need it". they weren't very supportive for a long time, then they eventually started trying to accomodate me, my mom throws a potato in the oven or something when i come over for dinner, or when we grill they try and buy some portobello mushrooms for my burgers. My dad will get mad at me if we don't agree on a restaurant and yells at me for "only eating lettuce" that makes me mad because I obviously don't eat only lettuce, he just always likes to choose the restaurants where the only veg thing they ahve is the side salad.

but they try i guess. they just don't get it, I ate breakfast with them the other morning and my dad offered me the saurkraut out of his sausage kolache...and when I turned it down he was like what?? it's cabbage, are you going to stop eating that now too? .

I try and get them to think of the animals they're eating and at least be more concious but my mom will just be like oh "I know, it's horrible ! i just don't want to think about it", and then proceeds to eat her meat in ignorance.

It's hard but try and give them time. good luck!

Hro - I know exactly how you feel!  I come from an Italian family and going veg was not an easy transition for me.  My whole family was against it, and they would constantly offer me meat and talk about how unbalanced my diet was.  I'm actually married to an Argentinean and he had a really hard time accepting my vegetarianism too.  But I'm happy to say that 1 year later, everyone has stopped pressuring me and now they just let me be.  I have to do a majority of the cooking (even when I go to visit them!) but I try to entice them with fab vegan food.  It will probably get easier for you in the long run, you just have to stick to your guns.  Not telling your family probably won't work as they will notice you not eating meat at family meals.  Good luck  :)

Well, I took everybody's advice and told my parents. 

Dad's response? "Why can't you just make things easier on us for once?" Better than expected, I guess. I think the main problem is that in their heads vegetarianism=left wing liberalism=flag burning and pot smoking and orgies. They're conservative republicans and tend to jump to funny conclusions, especially now that I've registered as a Democrat.

They refuse to buy any special groceries to accommodate, though, so I'm going to have to do more of my own grocery shopping from now on. (Don't get me wrong, I love grocery shopping, but my paycheck is teeeeny tiny. Definitely going to have to sacrifice all non-essential items. Haha.)

Thanks for your advice, everyone. I do feel a lot better now, not having to hide from my family. Hopefully they'll become more open to my vegetarianism over time. 

I find the easiest way to win family approval is to cook for them!

Try making them a yummy meatless stew or soup or chili. Once they see that you can eat food, good food, and cook it yourself, maybe they'll lay off.

And if youre tight for money, BEANS are super cheap and super healthy, lots of protein and fibre. My first year of university I practically lived off brown rice and veggie-bean chili.

I agree about cooking for the family. My sister's cooking really made me see how easy it is to make familiar things without making them all "fake." (Not that I was every anything but supportive, but it's convienced me to try to take a lot of meat out of my diet when I didn't really need it anyway. I think we eat way too much meat and the way they treat animals in the process is pretty sick.)

I told my parents separately that I was going vegetarian and they gave the exact same response.

"...why?"

So sorry to heard about your family. But dont forget get us.. your Veggie family, we all support your decison and are there for u should u need us. Keep up the good work!

PEACE :)

If they eat Factory farm(whatever is cheapest or onsale at the super market) meat.  Ask them to atleast switch to locally raised humanley treated meat.  and if you are up to it agree to partake of the meat dish once a month if they purchase that type of meat.  In return they have to designate one dinner a month to you to cook a completely vegetarian meal...(my suggestion is always spaghetti with a tomato sauce with a lot of different vegetables (all the ones you like to prove how many you like) in it.  include garlic bread and a large salad.... it is a very familiar homestyle dish that everyone appreciates and often forgets that it is "vegetarian."    Cook your dish and (as my parents did when my sister and I suggested this compromise) they may not want to dish out the extra bucks for the properly raised meat after a few months and then you do not have to eat it... but it did open thier eyes on the cost to produce meat correctly and they (10 years later) have progressively lessened thier meat intake and buy sustainable meat when they do eat it. 

Your a girl from my own heart. My dad is relentless in his harassing about me being a vegitarian and my mom is somewhat supportive but she would rather I not be. My grandparents (who happen to be over right now) are hard core croatian and everytime I say my stomic hurts, I feel sick or I have a headache my grandmas adimadicly says "Its because you dont eat right" and she says it as if she is pitying me.

I HATE it!

But even though I ike the taste of meat very much I'm pretty positive that I could never eat it again, im just so discusted by the fact that it wwould turn my stomic into a cemetary for abused animals. I learn to get by by having it be My lifestyle and not theirs, I dont talk about it, dont complain. When my father cracks a joke I either dont respond at all (I dont even look at him or make a face) or if im feeling witty and he's being a jerk I say something like (as I said last night) "Showing compassion for animals doesnt make me a bad person, you being unkind towards a daughter who is starting to resent you however does."

He shut up after that

There are other reasons besides animal rights... for giving up animal products. It's good for your health and for the environment. Two books that are focused on the health benefits would be "The China Study" and "Eat to Live". These two books focus strictly on scientific data and studies related to diseases like cancer and heart disease. Your parents might be interested in this information for their own well being. Dr Joel Fuhrman has quite a few videos on YouTube that are rather interesting. He is the author of "Eat to Live".

Be patient and flexible. Sometimes people don't understand but sometimes gradually they can come to respect your decision.

I totally agree i want to become vegetarian but i really don't know how to tell my parents, i've tried it  one b4 when i went on a walking holiday with my school 4 a week but my family weren't around so i never told them, i'm not sure what to say to them, i'm 13 (14 in like 2 days) and i think its didcusting how animals are treated,

i think what really made we want to become vegetarian(maby vegan but i have some leather boots and a leather belt and i don't want to chuck them because they were expensive!!) Is one of my guineau pigs dieing i really didn't like looking at my guinea pigs dead body, and i just thought how is that any different from killing animals to eat!! i mean apart from my guinea pig dieing naturaly i have also read about how they are confined, and killed and it is really upsetting!!