Unsupportive Husband!

I just have to vent a little.  It's so annoying to have my husband make comments about what I should be doing for weight loss when he's never had a problem with his weight, doesn't have a clue what I'm doing on this site and thinks he knows everything.  I was in bed reading a book and eating the two York mint patty minis that fit into my daily calories (and keep me from going nuts for sweets), and he starts shaking his head and saying that I'll never drop the weight if I keep eating sweets like that.  I told him it might take me 6 months to drop my weight and that cutting out ALL sweets is completely unrealistic.  Then I pointed out that he likes a bite or two of something sweet after his meal as well, and he says, yes but I don't have 60 pounds to lose.  I DON'T HAVE 60 LBS TO LOSE EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!   35 IS MORE LIKE IT.  Anyway, I just went back to my book and my chocolate and tried not to bean him in the head with my book.   It just makes me really appreciate this website and the support we get here.   

I got rid of 160 lbs of dead weight once...I divorced the idiot!

Maybe it might help if you actually told him how you're using this site. Then it would be easier to explain that the candy you were eating fit into your plan.

Although to some extent I agree with him. I didn't lose 75 lbs by eating candy every day (or even once a week for that matter). It's only unrealistic to cut out sweets if you tell yourself it is.

Hi--Sometimes it helps to think of those who have no trouble controlling their weight as clueless in that respect and simply don't engage in discussion on the topic of eating or weight loss.

I view it as being similar to the dreaded horrible Christmas gift from a dear friend or relative. You know, the scarf that is a color that you wouldn't be caught dead wearing. So what do you do? You say thank you, but you don't ever wear it, and you don't engage in a discussion of color sense.

Hope that helps. Good luck, and I hope you enjoyed the mints!

Ugghh,  so sorry to hear that.  It's incredible how insensitive they can be sometimes.  They just don't get it.  Would it help if you told him that it hurts your feelings when he makes those comments?

I read your bio and I think we are in a similar boat.  I too started out at 176 after gaining a lot of weight this last year.  I'm down 5 so far with a goal of 145.  Add me as a friend if you like, maybe we can motivate each other!

Hang in there! 

I can't believe how negative he is being. You should deff. tell him it hurts you. I totally agree with you about the sweets, you have to let yourself have those healthy sweets, you cant forbid them or you will crave them even more. Ive lost 15 pounds since July and I have 100 cal treats. You need them sometimes.

Also I think maybe your hubby is upset bc now you are watching what u eat and he cant have someone to pig out with. My husband is the same with me now. He hates that I count my cals and always trys to get me to eat bad stuff, and when I dont he picks on me.

 Keep up the good work, your doing great. There's always going to be an obstacle, yours just happens to live with you lol :-)

I don't think cutting out sweets is the answer either. Your husband is just ignorant to what you are doing. I would explain to him how hurtful his comment was and that this is something you need to do for yourself and by yourself and that you are the one in control of your diet (life change) not him!

Cutting out sweets entirely is okay for some and not for others. I am not one of the others. I like my sweets and will incorporate them occasionally into my eating plan.

For me its my mom! evey time i eat something she harps on me. I thought you were dieting why are you eating that! I am getting married in September and tryitng to lose weight  so I don't look like a Marshmello in my dress ( that is what my mom says anyway). I am trying to hard to do everything right and I am losing the weight just not as fast as she thinks it should come off.  She doesn't understand that you have to eat to lose weight. Anyway I know how you feel hang in there. As long as what you eat fits into your calorie count for the day eat it and don't worry about what anyone thinks ! :)

Not nice! Yeah, show him this site - maybe he'll understand the whole calories input/output idea. I eat chocolate every day and hell yes, it makes me happy! Plus, dark chocolate is good for you - it contains lots of micronutrients, iron and a chemical that calms you.

I can only echo some of the posters above.

But I think you need to communicate with him because a. his behaviour/comments are hurting and b. he's just not getting it

I agree take time to explain what you are doing and tell him to get the heck off your back, it's your journey your way! Not his, not to mention he's never even had to deal with being overweight so he's a complete ignorant when it comes to that.

I wouldn't go as far as divorce him but if he displays this type of unsupportive behaviour in many other aspects of your life together, then krissmaself may not be too far off the mark with getting rid of 160lbs of dead weight = divorce.

I have told him that I log my calories, keep track and adjust for workouts and fit my food into those guidelines.  I think I was mostly suprised that he would say 60 lbs and be so far off the mark!   Beyond that, it's not my job to enlighten him.  THe shortcut is on our desktop if he cares to look around the site, I'm just going to keep on keepin on!   Never let the turkeys get ya down, right?!?!   Thanks for listening!

I have been where you are now with a unsupportive husband. The mental scars they give can really pierce like knives. I was not strong enough to ignore the painful criticism. I lost weight and only to let my husband sabatoge me. I finally found a program that worked for me and then I lost him to heart disease and needless to say I gained back all that hard work I had done to lose weight. I am now slowly taking it off again and I have a lot of support. As you see I do know how it feels to have your partner in life throw those knives at you and yet you love them so much leaving them is out of the question. Hang in there and know it will eventually get better. I do not want to go into detail here about the knives that were thrown at from my husband but if you want my support and to just be able to vent to someone who really knows about the hurt a husbands comments can cause then put me on your friends list.

Honestly, this probably isn't useful, but I think he's being a big jerk. You "keep on keeping on" as you say, and don't let it get to you!! The people we love can sometimes hurt us the most, and I doubt he meant it on purpose.

Sorry you had to feel down and don't worry about the two peppermint patties. Like DM84, I also have had great success losing weight (nearly 30lbs!) and allowing myself some treats *absolutely* helped me do it and keep it up. It's not easy and for a sweet tooth like myself, a little treat worked wonders! 

Each person is different so work with what works for you ---> if it doesn't work, then make changes.

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

I think I would have thwacked him one. I admire your restraint. Does he honestly think you are bigger than you are?

And for what it's worth, I've lost 45 lbs (so far) and eat sweets pretty much every day. As long as it's within your calories, it's really fine. (Two of those York mini patties are about 107 calories, I believe?)

Everyone deserves a partner who is supportive, and who loves and desires them no matter what size they are...

My boyfriend was like that too for the first few months... in stores if I reached for a chocolate bar or something, he'd tell me "remember your diet" and if I still went for it he'd literally drag me away, and if I wanted to get the bar I would have to cause a scene, and I'm just not the person to do that.

 Then one time when we got home I got really pissed off at him and went off on him yelling that I am doing fine with it on my own and I don't need his help, and explained every time he tried to help it just made me mad and cause me to rebel by eating more sweets than I had planned to. (much like when I lived with my parents and they did the same controlling thing... every time I picked up something the least bit unhealthy reminding me that I should "go easy" on the sweets.)

a few weeks after that "fight", he finally started figuring it out, and now, almost a year later, he stays out of my way for the most part.

His saying that you had 60 lbs to lose was not only suicidal, but just really unnecessarily mean -- like, the kind of mean people are when something else is really bothering them. So, I hope you didn't internalize the comment, since I doubt he really meant it. Even if he did, 60 lbs looks different on a tall muscled man than it does on a shorter, less-inclined-towards-natural-muscle-building woman -- so his judgement is obviously ill-informed.

My ex-b/f used to wonder out loud how I could lose weight by eating fudgsicles, when he was feeling critical. (In other areas concerning my weight gain/loss, he was silent & supportive) I would calmly say: "This fudgesicle is 100 calories. I get to eat 1800 calories today because I burned 2300, and I have 700 calories left to eat today." And he'd shut up.

((( hug )))

Thank you for not thwacking him upside his head with your book -- you might've dropped your chocolate and gotten the sheets all minty! (mmmmm .... minty sheets.)  Frankly, I can see myself using all my extra weight to just shove my wonderful DH off the edge of the bed for a crack like that.

But, you're right ... it's turkey season and there will always be "fowl" comments out there from people with "bird" brains when it comes to dieting and nutrition. Just smile, eat your chocolate, and dream about head thwacking!

(And post here so we can keep you encouraged!)

=^..^= MOLLY 

Original Post by dm84:

Maybe it might help if you actually told him how you're using this site. Then it would be easier to explain that the candy you were eating fit into your plan.

Although to some extent I agree with him. I didn't lose 75 lbs by eating candy every day (or even once a week for that matter). It's only unrealistic to cut out sweets if you tell yourself it is.

I've lost 30  lbs in the last 6 months and I've eaten some sweets the entire time.  I have ice cream with my grandma every week among other things, including the occasional candy bar, chocolate chips, etc.

I definitely agree that giving him some education on nutrition and eating habits might help you.

Bear in mind with the 60 lbs comment **mentally thwacking him with a book** that the same dimensions on him would be 60 lbs of weight.  I have a friend who is 4 inches shorter than I am and 5 lbs on her looks like 15 lbs does on me.

HUG.

My bf knows nothing about losing weight and I actually got really discouraged a few months ago when he kept saying "you can't eat that" EVERY TIME we ate together.

I finally lay into him pretty heavily, but ended up quitting my attempt and gaining 12 additional lbs.

Now I'm back and he's not a part of my plan, I'm not talking to him about it much, and that's how I'm dealing with it. Not the best plan, but it's how I'm dealing.

Best wishes. Just focus on being happy and healthy. :)

And I would NEVER keep a loss off if I DIDN'T eat sweets, because I'd get discouraged. I eat pretty much what I want to eat while limiting my overall caloric intake. Some days it's all whole foods and homemade, some days it's meals eaten out or junk food, but most days it's in between. 

i like you!

first of all, as insensitive as dm84's reply was, i have to say i do agree with him, it is not in face unrealistic to cut sweets out completely. but thatis besides the point.

second of all, WHY didnt you smack him with the book?

third, i really hope you didnt sleep with him after that. next time tell him if he's going to be such an insensitive jerk, he doesnt get sex. straight up.

your post made me really angry, but im not sure who im angrier at. him for being an **** or you for not defending yourself better.